Riddles, ToungeTwisters and Jokes!

Class dismissed!" the teacher yelled but little Johnny doesn't go.
He walks to the teachers desk and says, "Teacher can i go home with you?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
They get to the teachers house and she says, "Well i'm going to take a quick shower, you sit right here."
"Can i take a shower with you?" he asks.
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Well okay, I guess."
So their in the shower and little Johnny says, "Can i turn off the lights?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
So the lights are off and little Johnny says, "Can i stick my finger in your belly button?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
"Well okay." says the teacher, "JOHNNY!, that's not my belly-button!"
"Yeah? and that's not my finger eather!"

Originally posted by scooby doo 12
Class dismissed!" the teacher yelled but little Johnny doesn't go.
He walks to the teachers desk and says, "Teacher can i go home with you?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
They get to the teachers house and she says, "Well i'm going to take a quick shower, you sit right here."
"Can i take a shower with you?" he asks.
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Well okay, I guess."
So their in the shower and little Johnny says, "Can i turn off the lights?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
So the lights are off and little Johnny says, "Can i stick my finger in your belly button?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
"Well okay." says the teacher, "JOHNNY!, that's not my belly-button!"
"Yeah? and that's not my finger eather!"

😂

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

Originally posted by ben_dover
Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

😆

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

http://vadersuicide.ytmnd.com

http://vadersuicide.ytmnd.com/

The creator MADE something
but he can't USE it so he SOLD it.
The one who BUYS it can't USE it
but the one who USES it can't SEE it.

What is it?

😛

😕 No answer?

No answer still. 😕

shrug

😊

again:

The creator MADE something
but he can't USE it so he SOLD it.
The one who BUYS it can't USE it
but the one who USES it can't SEE it.

What is it?

😕 no answer still?

Guys, it's a COFFIN!

Originally posted by Jury
😕 no answer still?

Guys, it's a COFFIN!

I knew that, I was just gone for a few days 😛

Heres something cool:

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
have chocolate
(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5 If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 .
If you haven't, add 1754.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK

That's the worst one of those I have EVER seen.

It will in fact work every year if they adjust the number at the end.

This is ridiculously simple. It asks you to add 5 and multiply by fifty- this is the equivalent of simply adding 250.

It then asks you to add 1754 or 1755. What does 1755 +250 make?

2005. The current year. The rest simply logically flows from there.

If they change the 175x number each year it will keep working.

LoL Dont blame the messanger, I didnt even do it myself.

Originally posted by Revernd Maynard
one man ran into a bar, HE SHOULD HAVE WATCHED WHERE HE WAS GOING.

owned

I dont get it...

Originally posted by † Mäs †
http://vadersuicide.ytmnd.com

http://vadersuicide.ytmnd.com/

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods that can be found today being sold in stores nationwide:

1. On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(But..., that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how. . . ?)

3. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's "just" a suggestion)

4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Oops, too late!)

5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(Hmm . . . .)

6. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

7. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this

medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents

if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those

forklifts.)

8. On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope)

9. On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to where?)

10. On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

11. On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: Contains nuts."

(NEWS FLASH)

12. On a child's Superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(Crap.)

13. On a Swedish chain saw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

(But it's so much faster than pressing off.)

14. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:

"Do not use on food."

(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK, honey, just grab the Palmolive!)