Riddles, ToungeTwisters and Jokes!

Dear Mr. Abby
Ever Wondered what if would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my bestfriend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that
there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing -
your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer
together. Why not get some of your old collage roommates involved
too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with
your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform
oral on him.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow
to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to
perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you.
The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged.
The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with
other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress
relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember,
nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being
away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too!).
Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his
stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you
and your best friend to perform oral on him.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must
mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to
help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and
present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your
selfish guilt, perform oral on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to
sleep never giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity
training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex
should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests
for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as
much as you should - he should never have to work to get you in the
mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by
performing oral on him.

Bump

wot question can u never answer yes to?

Are you dead.

hysterical

Originally posted by Darth Macabre
Are you dead.

are you asleep

Originally posted by kofmaster
are you asleep

Well you can't say es to alot of things. Acoma, Dead, girlfriend.

Bumper stickers...

I love animals, they taste great.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

A woman was in the hospital in a deep coma for over a year. The nurses decided it was time to wash her up and give her a bath. While sponging her down her private area, the nurses noticed that her heart rate increased every time. The nurses called the doctor, which in turn called the woman's husband over to the hospital. The doctor and the nurses tried to urge the husband that maybe if he was to try some oral sex on her, she would snap out of that coma. So they let the husband in the room alone with his wife and close the door in anticipation. His wife's heartrate goes to zero and a flatline, the nurses and doctor rush into the room and ask her husband....."What happened?" His reply: "I think she choked ! "

Yellow Linoleum Aluminum

Originally posted by Sgt. Hairy
A woman was in the hospital in a deep coma for over a year. The nurses decided it was time to wash her up and give her a bath. While sponging her down her private area, the nurses noticed that her heart rate increased every time. The nurses called the doctor, which in turn called the woman's husband over to the hospital. The doctor and the nurses tried to urge the husband that maybe if he was to try some oral sex on her, she would snap out of that coma. So they let the husband in the room alone with his wife and close the door in anticipation. His wife's heartrate goes to zero and a flatline, the nurses and doctor rush into the room and ask her husband....."What happened?" His reply: "I think she choked ! "

bump

A man pushes his car to a hotel , pays the owner and pushes his car away.What is he doing?

Originally posted by joeykangaroo
A man pushes his car to a hotel , pays the owner and pushes his car away.What is he doing?

No Clue....wheelchar Car? 😂

Originally posted by Mîsk
No Clue....wheelchar Car? 😂

You throw away the outside and cook the inside.Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside.What did you eat?

Originally posted by joeykangaroo
You throw away the outside and cook the inside.Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside.What did you eat?

Turtle!

Originally posted by Bloigen
Turtle!

hehe a corn on the cob 😱

what enlgish word can have 4 of its letters removed and still retain its original pronunciation?

TURTLE!