Originally posted by DreamingWarriorYou're quite the humourist, aren't you. Very well, if you feel improvements are not needed, I shall refrain from reviewing this poster's pieces as it will most likely go unheard, unheeded, and unnoticed.
I got b. and swimming was learned by being thrown into the 12 foot section, so hey, there ya go.
Smile, you're on "bland"-ed camera.
Originally posted by ColdfireIf I didn't like you, I think you were being...nice to me.
well of course improvements are needed; I don't think any one of us can create a perfect poem... and he is new at it, so give him a bit of a break alright? 🙂
I'm not so naive as to think there is a "perfect" poem. No such beast exists. Even bad poems or poetry needs improvements. So I ask you this: "If all he ever gets are "nice" "awesome" "nicely done number one" do you think he'll feel the need to improve? Quick! The clock ticks as you think on that.
Originally posted by NunYahBidness
If I didn't like you, I think you were being...nice to me.I'm not so naive as to think there is a "perfect" poem. No such beast exists. Even bad poems or poetry needs improvements. So I ask you this: "If all he ever gets are "nice" "awesome" "nicely done number one" do you think he'll feel the need to improve? Quick! The clock ticks as you think on that.
Anger
My hands r shaking
My ears keep picking up that annoying voice
The taunts keep coming
I feel like lasing out, striking the person
Punching, kicking, throwing them to the ground
but that is assualt and thats the thought that keeps me from going that far
Suddenly i lose it
it is like a storm
and it is homeing down on this one person
The teacher sees it and im sent to the principals office
EXPELLED
Originally posted by supernovadragon
Anger
My hands r shaking
My ears keep picking up that annoying voice
The taunts keep coming
I feel like lasing out, striking the person
Punching, kicking, throwing them to the ground
but that is assualt and thats the thought that keeps me from going that far
Suddenly i lose it
it is like a storm
and it is homeing down on this one person
The teacher sees it and im sent to the principals office
EXPELLED
Originally posted by DreamingWarriori always thought haiku was 5,7,5 words...not syllables. and 3 lines 🤨
Very much the school bullied's theme. We take so much and then go ballistic. Cool man.ever try haiku? 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. 3 stanzas, and there is more to it, but that is the basics.
Originally posted by NunYahBidness
Maybe some poetry courses would be a start. Beyond that, there isn't much for me to say.
Case and point. Then don't say anything. 😉
Originally posted by supernovadragon
Anger
My hands r shaking
My ears keep picking up that annoying voice
The taunts keep coming
I feel like lasing out, striking the person
Punching, kicking, throwing them to the ground
but that is assualt and thats the thought that keeps me from going that far
Suddenly i lose it
it is like a storm
and it is homeing down on this one person
The teacher sees it and im sent to the principals office
EXPELLED
Not bad. 🙂 If my opinion is worth anything, I suggest you lose some of the plain verbs, like "is" ermm You can remove "it is" before "like a storm" for a more dramatic effect, and "hands shaking" instead of "my hands are shaking", or something of the sort- having less distractive/ unnecessary words can surprisingly make a difference. 🙂
But you're on a good path for a beginner, ignore the hater 🙄