Originally posted by Syren
Thanks. I now know what he looks like... what does he do?
Sweet Jesus!
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the heads off anybody who doesn't know who Chuck Norris is.
I'd watch out if I were you Syren.
Btw, I want to name my two future sons "Chuck" and "Norris." I'd go with "Walker" and "Texas Ranger" but that will become popular after Will Ferrell's new NASCAR movie.
One Kick Ass Son of a *****!
Some random facts about Chuck Norris:
"Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience.
While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave.
Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.
If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself.
A freak accident involving Chuck Norris and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary Total Gym (R) into Richard Dean Anderson, star of TV series "MacGyver". Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass.
Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special olympics.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
Don't say anything bad about Chuck Norris if you're near a lake, river, pond or marsh; otherwise he will come up out of the water with his AK-47 already firing.
Upon reading a fictitious story in his local tabloid, Chuck Norris ripped out the heart of its writer and used his blood to fertilize his lawn. To celebrate, Norris let Steven Seagal out of his cage and beat him mercilessly. Mr. T, who was also present, pitied the shit out of Segal. Norris then ****ed your wife, and lit her body on fire using pure grain alcohol and bolts of lightning from his eyes.
When Neil Armstrong uttered "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." on the moon in 1969, he failed to notice Chuck Norris sitting behind him in a lawnchair, a beer in hand, until Chuck Norris gave Armstrong a swift roundhouse kick to the face. Armstrong never returned.
There is a secret plot to clone the greatest Hollywood action movie stars in order to create an unbeatable army. The people behind this plot only need very small samples of DNA to work with. This is why so many action stars have very short haircuts, and some even go to the extent of shaving their heads to prevent the evil fiends from getting such a sample. Chuck Norris is the only one with the balls not only to grow his hair long, but also to cultivate facial hair. When he's feeling particularly cocky, he sends his toenail clippings to the evil syndicate's headquarters with a note: "Just try it, bitches, and I'll kick your asses into next Thursday."
Chuck Norris occasionally has Missing In Action flashbacks where he's escaping a Vietnam Prison and randomly starts killing Asians with his bare fist because thats the way Chuck rolls. You'll know when it's coming because Asians start flying through the air with random explosions, horrible subtitles will scroll your line of vision, and Chuck will run and hide in your mom's garden, finally stealing your Kia Sportage screaming, "Get in the Chopper" and lines like, "I'm Proud to be a ****ing American" after kicking your little sister in the face
Chuck Norris dropped that Asian with a boot to the skull!
When chuck norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets chucked.
One day a man asked chuck norris if his real name was charles. Chuck norris did not respond, but rather stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck norris doesn't have AIDS but he gives them to people anyway.
If you can see chuck norris he can see you. If you can't see chuck norris, you may be only be seconds away from death.
Gandalf the grey, and
Gandalf the white, and
Monty Python and the holy grail's black night, and
Bonito Mussolini, and
The Blue Meanie, and
Cowboy Kurtis and Jambi The Genie,
Robocop, The Terminator,
Captain Kirk, Darth Vader,
Lo Pan,
Superman,
Every single Power Ranger,
Bill S. Preston, and
Theadore Logan,
Spock,
The Rock,
Doc Ock, and
Hulk Hogan
All came outta nowhere lightning fast,
And they kicked Chuck Norris in his Cowboy ass.
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw,
With civilians looking on in total awe.
Originally posted by xyz revolution
Gandalf the grey, and
Gandalf the white, and
Monty Python and the holy grail's black night, and
Bonito Mussolini, and
The Blue Meanie, and
Cowboy Kurtis and Jambi The Genie,
Robocop, The Terminator,
Captain Kirk, Darth Vader,
Lo Pan,
Superman,
Every single Power Ranger,
Bill S. Preston, and
Theadore Logan,
Spock,
The Rock,
Doc Ock, and
Hulk HoganAll came outta nowhere lightning fast,
And they kicked Chuck Norris in his Cowboy ass.
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw,
With civilians looking on in total awe.
Ah, but that is just a cartoon, in real life that would never happen.
You forget that...
Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.
I heard these at work.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity..TWICE!
Chuck Norris was invited to throw the first pitch in a baseball game after leaving the mount he won the World Series.
Chuck Norris didn't get a nose job he just gave his own a dirty look in the mirror.