Aparently this was voted the funniest joke in the world:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
TOP JOKE IN USA. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
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A woman reading about Cleopatra gets envias of the milk baths that she was very partial to and decides to do it aswell. She leaves anote for Mr Milk man to leave her 100 extra bottle of milk. The next morning te milkman pulls up in his little float and wanders over to the lady's door discovering the note. '100 bottles? Surely she means only 10.' He knocks on her door, to which she anwers. 'Hello there madam, er do you really want 100 bottlesof milk i think you mean 10.'
'NO i want 100.' She replies. She then explains her plans to have a milk bath, to the suprise of the dairy shifter.
'Oh ok' he replies 'Pasterised?'
'No just up to me t*ts, please' She replies.
😂
TOP JOKE IN WALES. A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
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A general is placed in charge of a camp in Iraq, with some British soldiers. An officer shows him around camp, in the mess tent, his own quarters and finally a camel.
'Whats with the camel' the general asks.
'Well sir, the men are so far away from their wives and girlfriends and any other woman and well, er you know' the officer replies awkwardly.
'I see' Says the general. 'I odnt condone this sort of behaviour but im not one to judge.
After being there for six months the generals urges get the better of him and he orders the officer to bring him the camel, which he does. The genral climbs some ladders behind the camel and has wild, uncontrollabe sex with it. When he is finished he climbs down from the ladders and looks at the officer.
'Is that how the other men do it?'
'Not really' replies the officer. 'The men usually just ride the camel into town where all the girls are.'
Originally posted by Libertine
😐A general is placed in charge of a camp in Iraq, with some British soldiers. An officer shows him around camp, in the mess tent, his own quarters and finally a camel.
'Whats with the camel' the general asks.
'Well sir, the men are so far away from their wives and girlfriends and any other woman and well, er you know' the officer replies awkwardly.
'I see' Says the general. 'I odnt condone this sort of behaviour but im not one to judge.
After being there for six months the generals urges get the better of him and he orders the officer to bring him the camel, which he does. The genral climbs some ladders behind the camel and has wild, uncontrollabe sex with it. When he is finished he climbs down from the ladders and looks at the officer.
'Is that how the other men do it?'
'Not really' replies the officer. 'The men usually just ride the camel into town where all the girls are.'
yeah that one wasn't funny..
that one you posted though is awesome 😆
TOP JOKE IN GERMANY. A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''
''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
a girl is in a christian school and the teacher asks her a question "who created the world" then a little boy pokes her in the back of the neck with his pencil and she says "GOD!" then she asks her who is our lord and savior and the little boy pokes her in the back of the neck again and she says "JESUS CHRIST!" then the teacher asks her what did eve say to adam after they had there first child and the boy pokes her again and she yells "IF YOU POKE WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME ILL SNAP IT IN HALF!!" 💃