Steal Dialogue From a Movie, and Change it slightly.

Vinny: Hey Ken, new email.

Ken: Hmmmph? Oh. *eats ribs*

Vinny: What the f*ck? Put that thing down. I thought you were losing weight.

Ken: Gave up.

Vinny: You suck.

Ken: Hey, you said you'd try and stop your stupid potato chip obsession. I wouldn't be talking, nub.

Vinny: [Eats a handful of chips sulkily.]

Ken: Anyways, let's see what we have in the old PMs. I got a good feeling about this one.

Ken: Okay, LethalFemme asks: "Hey Ken. Don't you think it would be funny if you superglued Mist's hands to his face? I think it would be."

Vinny: Hahaha, that'd be a photograph worthy moment, fo' sho'.

Ken: Don't say that ever again.

Vinny: [Eats handful of chips sulkily]

Ken: Well, let's see. I think yes, it would be. But Lethal, I think I'm going to take in a....bit of a....'different' direction.

[Ken and Vinny look at each other and grin wolfishly.]

[Two days later.]

Mist: Uh. Gah.

Lana: [Walking by] Um, Mist? Why - why are you touching your own buttocks? That's just weird.

Mist: I dunno. I can't....can't help it.

Lana: 🤨

Lana: Ooookay. That's really weird. [Moves on]

Mist: No! Wait! You don't understand!

[BackFire comes by.]

BackFire: Grabbin' your butt? That's not very lady-like!

Mist: I'm not a lady.

BackFire: Oh. Whatever. [moves on]

Mist: Oh, this is getting frustrating!

[Ken passes by.]
Ken: Oh, Mist. Fancy seeing you here! And uncontrollably grabbing your own butt, I see. Well, don't let me get in the way. Carry on!

Mist: Wait, come back!

[Lea passes by.]
Lea: Attaboy, Michael! *pats his shoulder and moves on.*

Mist: Wait! Where're you going?
Mist: You got any solvent?...Or DD7?.........

Mist: Somebody get my hands off my butt!

"BackFire: Grabbin' your butt? That's not very lady-like!

Mist: I'm not a lady."

ROFL!

Originally posted by LanceWindu
"BackFire: Grabbin' your butt? That's not very lady-like!

Mist: I'm not a lady."

ROFL!

😆 Best part.

Ken: Yay, new PM. Vinny, get over here.

Vinny: Read it.

Ken: "Hi Ken. Me and my sister think you are very hot. Do you have a girlfriend? There are two of us.

Love, Jenna."

Ken: Oooooh. Ooh, this is a good one. [Begins to type.]

>>Well, Jenna. There's only one of me. ;-)

Vinny: Whoa, whoa. Who said you got both?!

Ken: [sighs, continues to type.]

>>And there's rat-boy here as well.

Vinny: You bastard!

Ken: Live with it, tiny.

>>DELETED

Ken: What the f*ck?! I didn't mean to that?

Vinny: What did you just do?!

Ken: I don't know!

Vinny: What did you do to me, man? Why would you do this to me?!

>>Undeleted!
>>Undeleted!
>>Undeleted!
>>Undeleted!
>>Undeleted!
>>Do something!
>>Anything!
>>Please!

Ken: [near tears.] It's not working!

Vinny: Son of a - !

Ken: [To no one in particular.] Come back, Jenna! [Bangs head on keyboard three times.]

>>Head
>>Hit
>>Keyboard

Ken: Come back, Jenna's sister!

Vinny: We may as well sit in and wait for them to PM back.

Ken: I wonder which one is hotter. Jenna?

Vinny: Or her sister?

Ken: I call Jenna.

Vinny: Sister.

Ken: Yeah. Well. Fine.

Vinny: NEW PM!

[Ken pounces on it, and reads out loud.]

"hi

i send mail bard and wati for reply agnai"

Ken: What the.... [typing bad temperedly.]

>>Hey, wait a minute...you're not Jenna.

Ken: I got just the thing for you!! DELETED!

>>Saved. Forever.

Ken: Oh, that's just great. Yeah, go ahead and do that for me. Save it forever where I can't possibly delete it.

Vinny: 😐

Vinny: I'm going to grab a beer.

Ken: You're underage, squirt.

Vinny: Whatcha going to do about it?

[Ken punches Vinny in the stomach.]

😆

Mr. Bacon: Hey, honey, come here!

Punkyhermy: What?

Mr. Bacon: Check out this pencil drawing that Fire drew of Storm! Isn't it fantastic?

Punkyhermy: Wow, he drew that? That's really good!

>>Fire has just signed on.

Mr. Bacon: Oh look, he's online now.

Punkyhermy: Tell him his wife is pretty!

Mr. Bacon: Watch this.

>>Bacon says: Fire, dude! I like, totally want to bang your wife!

Punkyhermy: KEVIN!

Bacon: It's okay, it's okay. We say shit like that all the time.

>>Fire says: Uh.....this isn't Fire....this is just his wife, using the computer.

Bacon: eer

Punkyhermy: eer

Bacon: Oh, shit.

[2 Days later.]

Fire: Okay, Bacon. I think you need this more than Vinny does now.

[Drags a hog-tied and gagged Vinny forth on a leash.]

Vinny: (Muffled noises)

Bacon: nosweat

[In an out-of-the-way Diner]

Arachnoidfreak: I'd like a plain omelet and some toast, and a coffee.

Ladyluck: I'm sorry sir, toast isn't on the menu.

Arachnoidfreak: What the hell? Do you make sandwhiches?

Ladyluck: Yes.

Arachnoidfreak: Do you toast the sandwhiches?

Ladyluck: Yes, we can.

Arachnoidfreak: Ok, then I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

Ladyluck: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Arachnoidfreak: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

Ladyluck: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

Arachnoidfreak: I want you to hold it between your knees.

bump

Originally posted by DarkC
David: *attempts*

(Lea hits the side of the causeway with a loud smack and barely manages to hang on.)

Lea: *laboured breathing* F*CK you, David!

David: Well, you're heavy for a lady, okay?

Lea: A little help here?

David: Coming, coming.

(David leaps onto the causeway, pokes two Uruk-Hai in the eyes and kicks another one in the groin.)

Lea: *dripping sarcasm* I got all the time in the world, here, Dav -

(David hauls her up. Lea knees him bad temperedly.)

David: That's not cool, Lea.

[45 second scene of fighting.]

LanceWindu: (Appearing at door) Lea! David! Get out of there!

David and Lea: (dim-wittedly) Huh?

(LanceWindu boards up the door.)

David: Um, Lance? How are we, ah, supposed to get back in -

(Uruk-Hai seizes Lea and David from behind in a double headlock.)
Uruk-Hai: Wet willy....pretty dwarf lady.
(Gives Lea a wet willy.)

Lea: GWAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Lea stomps on the UH's foot and knees him in the groin so hard that the UH actually is knocked into the air two feet.)

David: That bad, huh?

Lea: It burns. *sniffling*

David: Really?

Lea: F*ck no.

(Vinny tosses rope down to David and Lea.)

Vinny: Hang on!

(David and Lea start ascending at a rapid pace.)

David: Gee, Vinny's pulling us up by himself? Must have worked out a bi -

(They ascend the wall to find five bear-like men of Rohan hauling on the ropes and Vinny combing his hair idly.)

David: Never mind. I take it back.

Mist: The castle is breached!

David: Crap, this ain't good.
David: Brace the gate.
Mist: *sighs in despair*
David: What?
Mist: It's worse than I thought.
David: *sarcastically* Oh, no shit? You said this fortress would never fall while your men defend it. They still defend it. They have died defending it.
Mist: Not all of them.
David: *spluttering* That's - that's not my point! You clearly underestimated the enemy!
Mist: Nah, I didn't. I just lied to my men.
David: You're a dick.
Mist: Yeah, I know.

Lea: David!
David: *annoyed* What?
Lea: Ah, come here.
David: *walks over to corner where Lea is crouched nervously* What?
Lea: I need you to cover me.
David: 🤨....what the hell for?
Lea: I, ah...need to, ah...change.
David: Did you shat yourself or something when I threw you at the causeway?
Lea: Ew. No. "My time of month" just happened.
David: .....
David: *incredulously* You mean to tell me that out of all the times you could have had it, it had to happen right in the middle of a battle? And in one when we're about to get "pwn3t" by some nasty Uruks who are probably pissed that we shot their brothers's balls?

(Meanwhile, down on the plain.)
Uruk-Hai 1: Save me! It hurts like hell!)
(Every orc around laughs uproariously at him.)
Uruk-Hai 1: You guys are mean!

...

Lea: *blushing furiously* Yes.
David:....christ. And you call yourself the "Lady of luck".
David: Okay, get behind me. Make it quick.

(10 excruciatingly lingering seconds later)

Lea: Done.
David: Ew. *glances* Hunh. Thought you were wearing white.
Lea: Not a word, okay?
David: Okay.
Lea: What am I supposed to do with this now?
David: You could throw it outside to the Uruks.
Lea: Hmmm.....
Lea: Okay. Lemme spray it with Mace first.

(Outside.)
(A red bundle flies out the window.)

David: Shhh, I want to hear.

Uruk-Hai 1: PANTIES! OHHHHH!

David: Well, at least you distracted them for a while. Not a bad idea, Lea.
Lea: Thanks.

Uruk-Hai 2: IT TASTES LIKE BURNING! GAH!

(David and Lea look at each other, then start laughing hysterically.)

😆 Oh god. 😂

Mist: So much death.
David: More like pain.
Mist: What can men do against such reckless hate?

David: Ummm....
Lea: *whispers something in David's ear*
David: Ride out with me.
David: *aside to Lea* Are you CRAZY?!
Lea: Uh uh.

Mist: Hunh?

David: Ride out and meet them.
David: *aside to Lea* This is INSANE....

Mist: For death and glory.

David: For Rohan. For your people.
David: F*ck it, Lea. He's agreed.
(Lea grins wolfishly.)
David: Arrrgh!

Vinny: *calling out to Lea* Lea, you'll have to stay behind and blow the horn.
Lea: Oh, I know. (slugs David on shoulder)
David: You do know that once we ride out, it'll be you and only you guarding the mouth to the caves?

(Lea stares blankly at David.)
Lea: Oh.

(Everyone mounts up.)
Lea: *clinging to David's leg* Take me with you!
David: *peeling her off* Christ. You got yourself into this, dwarf. Might as well go out with a bang too.
Lea: *spluttering furiously*
David: I'd like to stay and chat, but, you know. Up the stairs you go, now!
Lea: *huffily stalks up stairs*

Mist: Okay, we wait for the word....
(Loud horn sounds)
Mist: Wow, she's certainly enthusiastic about it.
David: I think I severely pissed her off.
Mist: Oh. Well, dwarves have a nasty temperament.
David: *whispers in Mist's ear*
Mist: Oh, shit.
Mist: FORTH EOLINGAS!

😂

at last we will reveal ourselves to the toilet at last we will unleash our bowels.

take from star wars original line :
at last we will reveal ourselves to the jedi at last we will have our revenge.

Originally posted by Legion_of_Maul
at last we will reveal ourselves to the toilet at last we will unleash our bowels.

take from star wars original line :
at last we will reveal ourselves to the jedi at last we will have our revenge.

😂

Bump

Originally posted by DarkC
(Somewhere in Upper Blackrock Spire...)

Ken: [talking to teammates outside cave] Okay guys, these eggs have given us a lot of trouble in the past, does anybody need anything off this guy or can we bypass him?

David: Uh...I think Vinny needs something from this guy.

Ken: Oh, does he need those Devout Shoulders? Doesn't - isn't he a paladin?

David: Yeah, but that will help him heal better, he'll have more mana.

Ken: [sighs] Christ. OK, well what we'll do, I'll run in first, gather up all the eggs, we can kinda just, ya know blast them all down with AOE. I will use Intimidating Shout, to kinda scatter'em, so we don't have to fight a whole bunch of them at once. When my Shouts are done, I'll need Anfrony to come in and drop his Shout too, so we can keep them scattered and not have to fight too many. When his is done, Bass of course will need to run in and do the same thing. We're gonna need Divine Intervention on our mages, so they can do area of effect damage. So, we can of course get them down fast, cause we're bringing all these guys, I mean, we'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. I think this is a pretty good plan, we should be able to pull it off this time. What do you think Alpha? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?

Alpha Centauri: Yeah, gimme a sec... I'm coming up with thirty-two point three three, repeating of course, percentage, of survival.

Ken: That's a lot better than we usually do. Alright, you think we're ready guys?

Vinny: All right chums, I'm back! Let's do this!

Vinny: (deep WWF announcer voice)NUMBER SIXTEEN, VINNNYYYYYYYY VALLLEENTIIIIIIIIINNNE!

(runs in)

Ken: Oh, my God. He just ran in.

David: Save him! Oh jeez, stick to the plan. Oh jeez, let's go, let's go! [follows]

NineCoronas: Stick to the plan guys, stick to the plan!

Ken: Oh jeez, oh f*ck.

(Three dozen dragonlings spawn and attack.)

H.S.6.: Gimme a Divine Intervention, hurry up.

Ken: Shoutin'!
(The dragonlings scatter.)

Lana: I can't cast! I can't move, am I lagging, guys? I can't move!

Ken: What the—what the hell?

David: I can't AoE!

Lana: I can't move!

Ken: Oh my God...

David: The eggs keep respawning! More respawning!!

Mist: I don't think you can cast with that shit on!

NineCoronas: Oh my God!

Vinny: We got em, we got em! I got it, I got it.

David: Take it off! Take it off! [muffled shouts]

(David falls into the egg pit.)

Ken: Stay down, Stay down. Oh my God..goddamnit Vinny! Goddamn it...

NineCoronas: Yeah, Vinny you moron.

Mist: God.

David: You idiot.

Ken: Listen, this is ridiculous.

Alpha Centauri: You dumbass.

Vinny: I'm on it.

Mist: I'm down, Michael is down. Goddamnit. [shouting, then a pause, followed by other put-downs] Why do you do this shit, Vinny?

Mr. Bacon: Lana, rez us! Rez us!

Lana: I'm trying!

Vinny [crying]: It's not my fault!

Ken: Who's Soulstoned? We do have a Soulstone up, don't we? [everyone dies] Think I need a Soulstone?

David: Yeah but you need a Warlock.

Ken[noticing everybody is dead]: ... Oh God...

Alpha Centauri: Oh for - [sighs] Great job! For Christ's sake! Vinny, you are just stupid as hell.

Mist: Oh my God...

Vinny: ... At least I have chicken.

The Original

^That one's still one of my favourites.

Ha, this is awesome 😆

Originally posted by DarkC
Mist: So much death.
David: More like pain.
Mist: What can men do against such reckless hate?

David: Ummm....
Lea: *whispers something in David's ear*
David: Ride out with me.
David: *aside to Lea* Are you CRAZY?!
Lea: Uh uh.

Mist: Hunh?

David: Ride out and meet them.
David: *aside to Lea* This is INSANE....

Mist: For death and glory.

David: For Rohan. For your people.
David: F*ck it, Lea. He's agreed.
(Lea grins wolfishly.)
David: Arrrgh!

Vinny: *calling out to Lea* Lea, you'll have to stay behind and blow the horn.
Lea: Oh, I know. (slugs David on shoulder)
David: You do know that once we ride out, it'll be you and only you guarding the mouth to the caves?

(Lea stares blankly at David.)
Lea: Oh.

(Everyone mounts up.)
Lea: *clinging to David's leg* Take me with you!
David: *peeling her off* Christ. You got yourself into this, dwarf. Might as well go out with a bang too.
Lea: *spluttering furiously*
David: I'd like to stay and chat, but, you know. Up the stairs you go, now!
Lea: *huffily stalks up stairs*

Mist: Okay, we wait for the word....
(Loud horn sounds)
Mist: Wow, she's certainly enthusiastic about it.
David: I think I severely pissed her off.
Mist: Oh. Well, dwarves have a nasty temperament.
David: *whispers in Mist's ear*
Mist: Oh, shit.
Mist: FORTH EOLINGAS!

[Up on the cliff.]
Alpha Centauri: King Mist stands alone.
Ushgarak: They're not alone. There's a couple people riding out with him, see?
AC: Bloody hell, I meant him and his Rohanian army stands alone. It's a figure of speech.
Ushgarak: Hmmph.
AC: Exactly. Now just call out your Star Wars Versus frequenter horsemen and let's get this over with.
Ushgarak: RP NEEERDS! *draws sword*

[A legion of heavily armoured SWVF nerds on horses stride forth.]

AC: Yaaah!
Ushgarak: To the King!
All VS Nerds: TO THE KING!
Numan: I call the first green item that drops.
Blaxican-Hydra: You ninja.

[Down on plain.]
Uruk-Hai 1: What the - ? zOMG, Cavalry! Are they allowed to do that?
Uruk-Hai 2: Does it really matter? They're doing it anyways, f*cktard. There's no f*cking rules on the battlefield. Shooting our dicks out was pretty h4xx0r-ish, but we can't do shit about it.
Uruk-Hai 1: Better not kiss your mother with that mouth.
Uruk-Hai 2: No. But I did rip her leg off and gnaw on it.
(Long pause.)
UH Commander: Form ranks! Ranks! Let me see those pikes pointed at those charging wankers!
(Five dozen long pikes point at the charging horsemen.)
Numan: Oh, this doesn't look good.

(Out of nowhere, a UH crossbow bolt impales Numan, who falls.)
Blaxican Hydra: Hunh. No great loss.
l0rd?: They thought they could get me. They were wrong.
{Out of nowhere, a UH crossbow bolt impales l0rd?, who falls.)
Blaxican Hydra: Hahaha. Loser.
Ushgarak: I'll say.
Ushgarak: Alpha, we're getting uncomfortably close to those pikes. Might want to do something about it.
Alpha: I got this, I got this.
(giant light flares to life.)

Uruk-Hai 1: NOOO! MY EYES! I NEED THEM TO READ!
Uruk-Hai 2: You know you can't read.
Uruk-Hai 1: You know, you're not helping. At all.

(Horsemen smash into front line and drive all the UH back.)

at the end of last samurai

Katsumoto: i must do it myself
Tom Cruise: no!
Katsumoto: *stabs himself in the stomach*
tom: ahh gross i have to take that to the emporer now
Katsumoto: everything is..is..per..perfect
tom: ugh shut up uhh gross, you're spewing blood on my new suit!

later on....

tom brings in the sword

tom: katsumoto wanted you to have this
emporer: it is covered in blood!
tom: well yeah i didn't really have time to clean it, you see i've been shot, arrowed, and stabbed countless times throughout the movie, i think i'm about to die.
emporer: Katsumoto had AIDs, you will die.
tom: oh, uh.. *commits hari kiri*