[LOTR, Part 4.]
David: Oh, my God, what a crazy b*tch.
David: Oh.
Uruk-Hai: Oh my God! How the hell is it that you're so tiny and weigh a f*cking ton?
Lea: Oh, STFU n00b.
[Beheads.]
Lea: Oh shit. I just stepped into sinkhole.
David: Oh, SHIT! Fire, fire!
[Archers fire. David runs forward and hauls Lea out of the water, dripping.]
Lea: *slaps David* You f*cking retard! Why did you shoot when I was up there? You could have hit me!
David: Newsflash, Lea. You weren't in the line of fire! And we couldn't have hit you anyways.
Lea: We're aiming at their dicks, remember?
David: Oh yeah.
[David peeks under one's loincloth.]
David: Hell, there's not much to shoot at, anyways. Mine's bigger.
Lea: Stop bragging.
[Meanwhile.]
Vinny: Oh my God. [Staggering around dizzily with a arrow nocked on the string.]
Vinny: What the f - ?! [Accidentally steps on sheild.] WAGGGH!
[Vinny lets the arrow loose and somehow manages to shoot one in the groin.]
Vinny: Whooaahhah.....
[Vinny slips, landing heavily on a couple of Uruk-Hai and bringing them down. The shield flies up and impales another UH's groin.]
Uruk-Hai 1: Wow, look at that crazy dude on the shield.
Uruk-Hai 2: Holy shit. So accurate even when off balance.
Uruk-Hai 3: Such style too!
Uruk-Hai 4: I wish I was an elf. 🙁
[Meanwhile.]
Grima: [Watching through the Palantir.] Holy. What an elf, eh?
Saruman: Jesus Christ!!! Why aren't any of ours as skilled as that?
Here's one from the Matrix
We appear in Neo's apartment. He is asleep at his computer, with headphones on. On his computer screen, we see he is running a search on a man named Morpheus. Suddenly on his computer screen appear the words 'Wake up, Neo.' He sits up, and stares at his computer screen
Neo : What?
On the computer, now appears 'The Matrix has you...'
Neo : What the hell?
On the computer, now appears 'Follow the white rabbit...'
Neo : Follow the white rabbit?
On the computer, now appears 'Yes, Follow the white rabbit...'
Neo : What white rabbit?
On the computer, now appears 'For the love of God, just follow the d*mn rabbit...'
Neo : The rabbit is still white, right?
On the computer, now appears 'Yes, follow the f*cking white rabbit...'
He presses the 'esc' key repeatedly, no effect. the computer comes up with one last message : 'Knock knock, you dumbsh*t.' There is a loud knock at his door, and he jumps. He stares at the door, and then back at his computer screen. it's now blank.
Choi and Neo talk for a bit, Neo gives Choi a disk, they talk some more, then...
Neo notices DuJour has a tattoo of a white rabbit on her shoulder, he ignores it, stupid dream anyway.
A voice from the computer speakers screams : You f*cking moron follow the f*cking white rabbit!
LanceWindu: David! Pull your men out of there! Fall back to the keep!
David: Christ. *yelling back up* WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED, KEN!
LanceWindu: You WANT to get killed? OK. Fine by me. Gondor can have ME as their king!
David: Oh hell shit. Doesn't give me much of a choice. Let's go, you two.
Vinny: Ahoy hoy.
Lea: Okey Day.
David: 🤨
Vinny: Yeah, we'll stop.
David: Guys, save the weirdness for after.
(racing up Hornburg stairs)
Vinny: I wonder why it's called the Hornburg.
David: Maybe because someone had sex at the very top.
Lea: HAHAHAHA....no.
(ten seconds later)
Vinny: Ah, hahaha. Ah. No more steps. *panting furiously*
Lea: You're way out of shape.
Vinny: At least I don't have a temper problem, dwarf!
Lea: 🙄
David: Enough. Come on.
(races to the gate)
David: Not that way, Lea. This way.
(pushes Lea down side passage)
Lea:...are you trying to get me alone?
David: 🤨
Lea: Okay, okay. Just checking.
(Stepping outside)
Lea: Ahhh, shit. Toss me.
David: What?
Lea: I can't jump the f*cking distance! You'll have to toss me!
David: Are you sure? Remember last time I tossed you?
(flashback scene on the ancient stairway in Moria)
David: (reaches for Lea)
Lea: Whoa, ho. NOBODY tosses a lady.
(Lea jumps, and teeters on other edge. Vinny leaps forward and grabs her shirt by the neck and yanks her back to safety.)
Lea: Not my boobs!!
(Lea slaps Vinny violently.)
Vinny: What the f*ck? I just saved your life!
Lea: Yeah, but you tried to touch my boobs!
Vinny: What was I supposed to haul you back by? Your imaginary Dwarven beard? Sheesh, go figure!
(Flashback ends)
Lea: I got a good feeling about this one. Let's go.
David: (takes hold of the back of Lea's pants and tenses)
Lea: (slaps David)
David: You have a problem, Lea.
Lea: Toss me by the back of my shirt. Jeez. Perv.
David: *attempts*
(Lea hits the side of the causeway with a loud smack and barely manages to hang on.)
Lea: *laboured breathing* F*CK you, David!
David: Well, you're heavy for a lady, okay?
Lea: A little help here?
David: Coming, coming.
(David leaps onto the causeway, pokes two Uruk-Hai in the eyes and kicks another one in the groin.)
Lea: *dripping sarcasm* I got all the time in the world, here, Dav -
(David hauls her up. Lea knees him bad temperedly.)
David: That's not cool, Lea.
[45 second scene of fighting.]
LanceWindu: (Appearing at door) Lea! David! Get out of there!
David and Lea: (dim-wittedly) Huh?
(LanceWindu boards up the door.)
David: Um, Lance? How are we, ah, supposed to get back in -
(Uruk-Hai seizes Lea and David from behind in a double headlock.)
Uruk-Hai: Wet willy....pretty dwarf lady.
(Gives Lea a wet willy.)
Lea: GWAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
(Lea stomps on the UH's foot and knees him in the groin so hard that the UH actually is knocked into the air two feet.)
David: That bad, huh?
Lea: It burns. *sniffling*
David: Really?
Lea: F*ck no.
(Vinny tosses rope down to David and Lea.)
Vinny: Hang on!
(David and Lea start ascending at a rapid pace.)
David: Gee, Vinny's pulling us up by himself? Must have worked out a bi -
(They ascend the wall to find five bear-like men of Rohan hauling on the ropes and Vinny combing his hair idly.)
David: Never mind. I take it back.
Mist: The castle is breached!
(Vinny rushes into the forest hurriedly and unzips pants, starting to relieve himself on a bush with a contented sigh.)
(Five seconds later, Mist walks up right beside Vinny and starts peeing on the same bush.)
Vinny: 🤨 *looking around nervously* Uh, excuse me. Why - why are you peeing on the same bush as me?
Mist: Why shouldn't I?
Vinny: We're in a forest. You could have picked any tree or bush you wanted and yet you wanted to somehow piss on the same bush I was whizzing on.
Mist: Well, why are you peeing on this bush?
Vinny: Because I was here first? And when I came here, no one was around! Until you came by!
Mist: Oh! So you get to pee on this bush and no one else gets to? Huh? Huh? Is that what you're telling me?
Vinny: Well, I'm just -
Mist: Is this your bush?
Vinny: Wha -
Mist: You like, have a special bond with this bush or something?
Vinny: No, I -
Mist: Oh. Really? Well, with the way you're acting I thought that you were the f*cking King of the Forest!
Vinny: 🤨 Never mind.
(Both resume peeing in silence.)
Mist: Nice pubes.
Vinny: 😑 Thanks?
Originally posted by DarkCWhat movie is that from!?!?! 😱
(Vinny rushes into the forest hurriedly and unzips pants, starting to relieve himself on a bush with a contented sigh.)(Five seconds later, Mist walks up right beside Vinny and starts peeing on the same bush.)
Vinny: 🤨 *looking around nervously* Uh, excuse me. Why - why are you peeing on the same bush as me?
Mist: Why shouldn't I?
Vinny: We're in a forest. You could have picked any tree or bush you wanted and yet you wanted to somehow piss on the same bush I was whizzing on.
Mist: Well, why are you peeing on this bush?
Vinny: Because I was here first? And when I came here, no one was around! Until you came by!
Mist: Oh! So you get to pee on this bush and no one else gets to? Huh? Huh? Is that what you're telling me?
Vinny: Well, I'm just -
Mist: Is this your bush?
Vinny: Wha -
Mist: You like, have a special bond with this bush or something?
Vinny: No, I -
Mist: Oh. Really? Well, with the way you're acting I thought that you were the f*cking King of the Forest!
Vinny: 🤨 Never mind.
(Both resume peeing in silence.)
Mist: Nice pubes.
Vinny: 😑 Thanks?