Uh, yeah, that should actually go on the "bash Will to pieces" thread too. The people there would get a kick out of it. Only the people there also coome here a lot, so I dunno. Yeah, and I'm still working on that comeback and it is consuming most of my attention, so, just,
DON"T BE BITTER!!!!!!!
That's it!!!!
I've regained my phenominal intelligence!!!
#yay#
Narrator: WTF?
Will: blue is the color of the water.
Captain Jack: *speaks slowly* Yes, Will. Now tell me what else is blue.
Will: Ummm.....*does this for an hour. Captain Jack has fallen asleep* blueberries?
Captain Jack: *woke up with a start* Huh? Oh yeah. Right. Now go to your cabin.
Will: Awwwww..... do I have to?
Captain Jack: Yes. *as he watches Will stomp his way to his cabin, Captain Jack mutters to himself* What did Elizabeth ever see in that idiot?
Will at the front door of Governer Swann's house "I'm here at the door of my ol' buddy Governer Swann. My vacuum cleaner broke and I'm going to see if I can borrow my ol' buddy Swann's vacuum cleaner.
(Raises his hand to knock, stops)
But, come to think of it, ol' buddy Weatherbey usually takes a bath this time of day.
(raises, pause)
He may not like being bothered, you know, sitting in his warm tubby, having to go answer the door.
(pause)
I know I wouldn't; I mean, there he is, sitting all nice and warm in his tubby, then have to get out, just because someone is pounding on the door. There he'd be standing, all wet and sudsy, just because I came over to borrow his vacuum cleaner.
(pause)
He might be so mad, he wouldn't lend me his vacuum cleaner. He might think I wouldn't give it back. I would, but he might not think so.
(pause, Will is starting to get annoyed)
He might -- he might go around telling my friends not to lend me anything anymore. And then -- and then people wouldn't lend me anything anymore. They might not play with me, they might not even talk to me anymore.
(by nowWill is really upset)
Why I -- I used to have a lot of friends around here -- before that rotten ol' Govener Swann started shooting off his mouth!"
(pounds furiously on the door. GS answers it, fully dressed)
Governer Swann: (pleasantly) "Why hello, Will How can I help you?"
Will: (furious) "Oh yeah?! Well if that's the way you feel about it, you can just keep your rotten ol' vacuum cleaner, you--!!!"
(marches off, leaving Governer Swann very surprised)
Note: Ernie Borrows a Vaccum from Seasme Street.
Jack, Lizzie and Barbossa sing: "Hey a Movie"(This song is from "The Great Muppet Caper"😉
Jack:
Wow! There'll be spectacle
There'll be fantasy
There'll be daring do
And stuff like you would never see
All:
Hey! A movie!
Jack Lizzie, Barboassa:
Yeah! We're gonna be in a movie!
Jack:
Starring everybody...!
Lizzie:
-- And me!
Lizzie:
There'll be heroes bold!
There'll be comedy!
And a lot of fuss
That ends for us real happily
All:
Hey! A movie!
Jack and Lizzie:
We can watch it all develop!
All:
Starring everybody...!
Barbossa:
-- And me!
Barbossa:
We'll take a world
And set it on its ear
All Three:
Come on, join in
We're gonna start right here
Jack:
There'll be crooks and cops!
There'll be villainy!
But with us on call
We'll fix it all real easily
All:
Hey! A movie!
Lizzie:
Wow! It's gonna be terrific!
All: Starring everybody...!
Jones:
-- And me!
All Three:
There'll be mystery
And catastrophe
But it's all in fun
You paid the money -- wait and see!
Hey! A movie!
Will: Is there any way to stop it!?
All:
Starring everybody
Everybody
Everybody
Jack:
-- And me!
(Johnny, Keira, and Orlando after viewing AWE)
Johnny: Wow! Best movie ever! I can almost feel my Oscar.
Keira: Your Oscar? What about my Oscar? I had to wear that ridiculous hat!
Orlando: And who was it that had to act next to Tom Hollander AND Bill Nighy? Hmmm? And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to Orlando Bloom.
Johnny: I think you mean Supporting Actor.
Keira: Not this again.
Orlando: What? I'm the Luke Skywalker of the series! You're just the comic relief half the fandom thinks is sexy.
Johnny: Better half than one third.
Keira: For goodness sake, you're both sexy!
(Johnny and Keira look at her)
Johnny: You're like what, 12? You're too young to be thinking sexy thoughts.
Orlando: I agree. (whispers to her) You know, we're closer in age than you and Johnny are.
Keira: Back off!
Orlando: Fine! Just because this is the best movie ever.
Keira: Oh yes. I think the critics will say it's a fine-crafted period action piece with a fine ensemble cast.
Johnny: Or that's what we'll pay our publicists to say about it...
(Johnny, Keira, and Orlando learn the fans and critics aren't as crazy about AWE as originally thought)
(Orlando and Keira are playing bowling wii. Johnny storms in with a newspaper)
Johnny: Did you see this?!!!!
Orlando: Whoa, a paper! Let me introduce you to my good friend the blackberry.
Johnny: Shut it. AWE has 0 stars.
Keira: It's just a critic. No one listens to them.
Johnny: Oh really, Miss I-want-to-do-more-serious-acting-in-things-like-Atonement-because-AWE-made-me-an-action-star? Read this.
Keira: "Keira Knightley cannot carry the film as the writers intended her to." What the hell?
Orlando: I bet it says I'm a shining star.
Keira: More like a black dwarf.
Orlando: "Neither actor can carry off being mad at the other or make up and do a cheesy wedding." I wouldn't call our scene cheesy. It's a war ballet!
Johnny: Yep, you kids just can't measure up to Old Reliable Johnny.
Keira: "Johnny Depp must learn that too much Jack Sparrow is too much."
Johnny: It does not say that.
Keira: Does to!
Johnny: Does not!
Orlando: Please! Let's just forget about this and go back to wii bowling.
(They start to bowl)
Johnny: (under his breath) Bet I would get good reviews wii bowling.
Keira: Not as good as me.
Johnny, Keria and Orlando disscuss their new movies after AWE
Orlando: So what's going on with you too?
Johnny: Well I just fishned Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street., Now I'm off to play a ganster based on a ture story of John Dillgner called "Public Enemys"
Keira:I just just wrap up Atonement, and now I'm working on "Last Night" a movie about a married couple it's a romanic comedy!
Orlando: I'm working on "New York, I Love You"
Keira:Yeah I read about that it's a collection of short stoires that are only 5 mins long.
Orlando: So what's wrong with that?
Johnny: Hmm Hello your only on for 5 mins!
Orlando: Yeah so went to that "Sweeney Todd" movie? Whoes gonna sit in a movie theather and watch you slash people's thorats?
Keira: I did and I LOVED it! I'm also going to see his new one "Public Enemeys"
Johnny: Yeah a lots of people did and guess what I won a Golden Globe for my perfomance in that movie! My new movie "Public Enemeys" is going to be a BIG hit! Anyway I did enjoy your two flims Keira "Atonement" and the "Dutchess"
Keira: Thank you Johnny your so sweet I love you!
Orlando: Hey what about me?
Keira: What about you?
Orlando: Doesn't anyone love me?
both Johnny and Keria: We like you!
Orlando : But you don't love me?
both Johnny and Keria: Hmm not really!
Lol. Poor Orlando Bloom. SYKE! Wow. I haven't said that in like 10 years.
Narrator: I want a llama.
Captain Jack: You know what I want?
Narrator: No.
Captain Jack: I want *a microphone appears in his hand, the lights dim except for a single beam of light that is directly above him*
Everybody, listen to me,
And return me, my ship.
Im your captain, Im your captain,
Although Im feeling mighty sick.
Ive been lost now, days uncounted,
And its months since Ive seen home.
Can you hear me, can you hear me,
Or am I all alone.
If you return me, to my home port,
I will kiss you mother earth.
Take me back now, take me back now,
To the port of my birth.
Am I in my cabin dreaming, or are you really scheming,
To take my ship away from me?
Youd better think about it, I just cant live without it.
So, please dont take my ship from me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah ...
I can feel the hand, of a stranger,
And its tightening, around my throat.
Heaven help me, heaven help me,
Take this stranger from my boat.
Im your captain, Im your captain,
Although Im feeling mighty sick.
Everybody, listen to me,
And return me, my ship.
Im your captain, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Im your captain, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Im your captain, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Im your captain, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Im getting closer to my home ...
Im getting closer to my home ...
Im getting closer to my home ...
Im getting closer to my home ...
Ohhhh ...
Im getting closer to my home ...
Im getting closer to my home ...
Im getting closer to my home ...
Im getting closer to my home ...
*The light fades and we are left in darkness as Captain Jack completes the song. After a moment of silence, the lights come back on*
Well?
Narrator: I think I just lost a wee bit of respect for you.
Song is I'm Your Captain by Grand Funk Railroad
Narrator: Will is having a hard time with the chart that Sao Feng gave them.
Will: I can't figure this out!
Barbossa: You need some help?
Will: No I can figure it out thanks anway
Will(becomes very angry and starts yelling at the chart):You can't do this to me, I WENT TO COLLEGE!
Narrator: Will is aboard the Flying Dutchman, Jones and the gang are playing a game of "Liars Dice"
Jones: Ok Turner what you got?
Will: I got 7!
Jones: Ok Bootstrap what you get?
Bootstart: Hmm a 5
Jones looks at the dice it's not a 5 it's a 2
Jones: Will Turner your a LIAR!
Will: WHAT? I got the right number how can I be a liar?
Jones: I knew what you did you forced your father to LIE! So you can get off free
Will: No I didn't he lied all by himself!
Jones: Don't play games with me Turner your a LIAR! You owe me another 100 years! Bootstrap your free to go
Bootstrap: Really? I can leave?
Jones: Yes your time on the ship is over I wish you good luck you were a great crew memeber!
Bootstrap: YIPPIE! I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!! Well Goodbye son nice knowing you. I'm off to join Jack's crew again see ya!
Will: But this is NOT fair!
Jones: Shut up Turner go wash the ship I want it SPOTTLELS!
Will: Aye Sir(Will walks away and cries)
Jones: HEY No CRYING on me ship!
(Jack is reading the charts to see how to get everyone out of the Locker)
Jack: Glad this is all pictures so the audience doesn't have to read Chinese.
Will: Is that what the crew and Sao Feng and them would speak? Chinese?
Jack: Well, I don't know. What year does this take place?
(Everyone looks at each other and then starts whistling)
Jack: (back to his work) Anyway, if I rearrange this little picture and position it next to this pretty picture. Hey! I just put Barbossa's head on Tia Dalma's body! Talk about cool.
Little Jack Conscience: Shouldn't you be thinking of stabbing the heart?
Jack: Oh, hi.
Little Jack Conscience: If you stab the heart, you can sail like this forever.
Jack: Hmm. I haven't been given anything else to do in this movie besides reveal all these implications that I'm impotent, so that sounds good.
Little Jack Conscience: Yeah. Let's just hope your plan doesn't backfire and you really have to make Will stab the heart so he can live, forever keeping him and Elizabeth separated, but still not quite making her available enough for you to hook up with her and still appear to be a sympathetic character.
Jack: Uh, yeah, I hope that doesn't happen either.
Elizabeth: (sneaks up behind him) Whatcha doin?
Jack: (covers charts with arms) I wasn't planning on stabbing the heart on anyone's behalf!
Elizabeth: Fine, jeez, sorry I asked.
Little Jack Conscience: Smooth.
Jack: Shut up.