Originally posted by Ladyluck
You're making a new novel, eh? hmmI could be wrong, but wouldn't it work a little better if you wrote it? hmm
Doing my best to. Wish me luck. 😄
I love writing, so considering the issues coming up in my life, I figured that I could my love for epics and typing to good use.
Originally posted by Spartan005
Baltan, I'm being completely honest with you when I say this...
that preview sucked. Seriously, it was the most random shit I've ever read in my life... "Then he suddenly pulled out a grenade with a semi automatic handgun" 🤨 At no point did it even slightly catch my attention, and most of the time I was actually laughing because it sucked so much.Listen to Lana.... That will never get published. Sorry dude...
You're always there just to make me feel, bad Spartan. You never are positive, and are always exited to bash my work. I normally don't do this, but *presses Ignore Button*.
Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
The neighbors rush out side to see what the matter is, but it’s too late. The destruction was finished.
“My car!” screams a man. “What did that bastard do to my car!”
“That’s never happened before!” says an old woman.
Originally posted by Ultraman Baltanits a bit random and not very gripping
He pulls out a hand grenade and chucks into a car, utterly destroying it. He then begins firing a handgun at the windows of the innocent homes. Again and again the chaos continues until everything on the street is a pile of ashes and trash.
Baltan, I'm not trying to bash you... but you have to understand that that will not get published. I've had friends who have written some of the most incredible stories going over 400 pages... but theirs didn't get published either. Its great that your sticking with something that you enjoy doing, but seriously it is not working out.
Originally posted by Spartan005🥷
Baltan, I'm not trying to bash you... but you have to understand that that will not get published. I've had friends who have written some of the most incredible stories going over 400 pages... but theirs didn't get published either. Its great that your sticking with something that you enjoy doing, but seriously it is not working out.
Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan
Midnight in Midtro City is always calm and cool. A jungle of buildings upon the area are found everywhere. Think of a New York City that sleeps. Very few are out at any time of night in this particular street.
A small boy runs out into the street with his small Spiderman action figure.
“I’m gonna get you Tommy!” he shouts.
“Nuh uh!” says little Tommy.
They run across the entire neighborhood, screaming and jumping.
“Peter! Tommy! Stop it!” shouts their mother. “People are trying to sleep! You aren’t even allowed to be up this time!”
“Come on! Five more minutes?” pouts Peter.
“You heard what your mother said, boys.” replied the father who just came out of the house.
A few seconds later, a loud motor is heard. Every moment it grows louder, until the reason shows itself. A large motorcycle starts to bolt down the street, almost hitting the kids. He pulls out a hand grenade and chucks into a car, utterly destroying it. He then begins firing a handgun at the windows of the innocent homes. Again and again the chaos continues until everything on the street is a pile of ashes and trash.
The kids run to their mom, sobbing and screaming. The neighbors rush out side to see what the matter is, but it’s too late. The destruction was finished.
“My car!” screams a man. “What did that bastard do to my car!”
“That’s never happened before!” says an old woman.
Suddenly, the motor is heard again. But no longer is there one ringing noise, but two. Then ten. Then fifty.
“Get in the house, boys.” says the father with a fear struck look.
“But dad........”
“Dammit, Peter! Get in the house!”
Everyone on the streets ran into their houses like mice being chased by a cat. They knew what was going to happen, and they were hoping to God they survive.
Ok, you want advice? Here it goes....
First of all you have to learn to organize all of your thoughts, it seems completely random going from a bunch of kids playing in the middle of the street and then suddenly going to all of the chaos and violence etc.... but you might have explained that earlier in the chapter. Secondly, it would sound a lot better if you added more detail to basically everything.... develop the setting a lot more (since the city is most likely going to be the main area of events throughout the novel) Don't just say "he pulls out a grenade and chucks it through....." say something like "He quickly reaches back revealing the torn up (insert adj) grenade and immediately launches the deadly object into the air.... etc. (you get the point) Just focus on more attention to detail is basically what I'm trying to say. The last thing is just making sure that grammar and sentence structure is correct... and please don't use "Everyone on the streets ran into their houses like mice being chased by a cat" 😆 It just doesn't sound too good....
Whatever, hope that helped... didn't mean to piss you off