Orlando
Day twenty six
Dear nobody
Thats it! I give up!
Goodbye cruel world!!!
After going out on the town with the guys the other night, i learned a few things;
1.Women dont like me.
2. Women are only jealous of my because i have better hair than most of them in Lord of the Rings.
3.Women dont like me.
Mackenzie got a girls fone number,
She looked quite cute and she had all the trimmings that you would expect a nice young woman to have...and then she opened her big fat gob...and all of that dissappeared.
The woman was a loud-mouthed drunk who spilt her cheap -run-of-the-mill champagne allove my expensive Armani trousers!
TWICE!
I shouted at her...ofcourse i did...but then i immediately wished i hadn't....
the only thing i remember after that was waking up outside the nightclub with a black eye and a scary security guard rubbing my temples...
do i have a gay vibe?
is there something about me that seems a little.....bent, to you?
I dont look gay...
Ofcourse i manicure my nails, what self-respecting man wouldn't?!
Ofcourse i comb my hair atleast 30 times a day...its the only way to make it silky smooth....
Oh god...I think i'm turning into a woman....
Johnny
day twenty six
Dear Ichy
I'm getting that gay vibe from Sad-Sack again...
I thought he had dropped it after the first film...but now hes picked it back up again...
I went for a toilet break and the man followed me!!!
I mean, ok i can understand he might be insecure about how he measures up in the er....nether-regoins...
But i felt violated when he stood in the cubicle next to me...i felt like i wouldnt be able to perform! He was ruining my concentration...
...and here i was thinking jack was the only one i needed to worry about...
Oh yeah, this room-mate thing with keira is working out swell now that we both have our own areas...I dont know why we didnt think of it before!!!
I stuck a post-it on her bean bag this morning telling her she would have to wait until tomorrow until she took a shower...i used up her time and mine for the bathroom without realising it...
but a man has to keep clean, you know!
Not like my filthy alter-ego, Captain Jack Sparrow!
...And yet since that filthy vaggabond came into my life, ive had ALOT more fanmail off women telling me how much they love me and want to marry me...
So its official;
Women like it dirty!
Jack D
Day twenty seven
Dear Norrie
I woke up this morning...
and i wasn't alone.
For a moment i thought i was still dreaming about running through a daisy field naked...but unfortunately it was no dream...
and just incase you were wondering...
Martin was NOWHERE to be seen!
It was rather parculiar...she was looking straight at me on the chair...her eyes staring right into me.
And then i tried to move...and only closer inspection found my arms and legs tied to the bed with rope.
....And i'm still here...
and unfortunately...so is she
Keira
Day thirty
Dear Diary that isnt ichy
THAT IS IT!
Ive had it with bloody men!
3 days ive been unable to have a shower!
THe man is insufferable!
He even made COOKIES infront of me the other day, and then ate them to himself!!!!
Apparently the only reason i couldnt have one was because i WASNT on his side, and he apologised if the smell had escaped from his part of the room!
I need to get my own back...i have to do something to get my trailor back....before he starts wiring up the hi-fi system and playing Bob Dylan loud enough for people to think its ME who listens to his old-school hill-billy music!
Now then....let me think....what is the one thing that Johnny is scared of in the whole world.....
Johnny
Day Thirty One
Dear Ichy
CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're everywhere!!!!!!
Shes put them in the fridge, in the closet!
UNDER THE BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant sleep in there now....its freaking me out....
that woman is the bride of chucky!!!!!!!!
Ive got this crazy vision in my head of Mr Chuckles coming to life in the night and dragging me under the bed with him!
Its times like these that i wish i had a night-light....
That B**ch is going down!!
Jack D
Day thirty five
Dear Norrie
Its nice to know i'm loved...
Ive been here for nearly a week and NO ONE has bothered to look for me!
Shes used everything on me....although i have to admit that when the feather duster came out, she tickled me in places i never knew existed!
Ashamedly i am now growing quite fond of her...
Shes a weird little thing, but i suppose shes the only person that actually cares about me...
She spoon fed me yesterday!
Ok, maybe that was because my hands were tied behind my back, but atleast she didnt leave me to just starve!
It was quite sweet, if you think about it...
Have i gone insane? You ask...
Probably.
But hey! I aint complaining!
She told me she will let me go if i agree to being her B**ch...i have no problem with that at all....
but it might clash with my busy schedule...
Ooooh! She's bringing out the fluffy handcuffs.....
Ladies and gentlemen...i think i'm inlove...
ROFLMFAOTW!!!! OMG T.Maria....one word GENIOUS!!!! OMG...CLOWNS....LMAO...I hate Clowns too...but that was Hilarious!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Poor Johnny!! The post itt bit...is just hilarious!!! he treats her like a doggie!! HAHAHAHA!! Except doggies get treated better...LMAO!!! OMG u dont understand...this has me ROFL at my Job!!! LMAO!! Please more!!
The funny thing is that i'm really sick right now and laughing only makes me break out into a cough attack...lol!! But i cant help it its to funny!!