Jack D
Day Thirty six
Dear Norrie
'oh what a beautiful morning!!!!!!'
I'm inlove...with a girl!!!!!
Its great...the way she makes me cater to her every need....the way she gets angry if i dont put enough mayonaise on her salad butties and hits me if i make too much noise when i'm working out....
I'm her B**ch, and I'm proud of it!!!
I saw johnny yesterday. We were back on the pearl again....He asked me why i had a smile permanently attached to my face...
I told him im always like this...
He begged to differ...apparently my face resembles a smacked arse 99% of the time...
and then he asked me if i was getting some!
Thats private business between me and my lady friend...
But apparently my nod of the head gave it away to him....
....Its not like HE doesnt walk around with a smile on his face all day....because he does...
But theres no one here for him to get some off-
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Gross mental imagery...
I should tell keira to watch where she sits in her trailor....
Keira
Day Thirty Seven
Dear Diary that isnt ichy
Jack gave me the heads up on Johnnys possible nightly activities with his best friend 'mr hand' ... i must say i'm rather disgusted that Jack would make such allegations.....johnny is a movie star, he doesnt do that sort of thing....
gross....
....although i may watch where i park my bum from now on...
IF I HAD SOMEWHERE TO SIT IN MY TRAILOR!
I came back yesterday to find (FINALLY!) the tape gone, the post-it notes disappearing into thin air....along with everything else in my trailor!
Apparently johnny knows a girl whose up for selling anything and everything on ebay...chikimina i think her name is...
and hes given her my things to sell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...so now im living in an empty space...with only my fridge and the kitchen sink....
Johnny said that after the clown incident, he didnt want to touch anything incase it was 'contaminated'....so he burned my bedsheets on a bonfire behind my trailor (including my Spice girls AND my pavorotti collection!!!!) and told me he was getting an exorcist round to;
'clear out the unwanted evil of squeeky joke noses and funny red clown wigs'
.... the man has issues....
....Well atleast i still have my beanbag to sleep on-
JOHNNY!!!!!!!!! either get off it....or share.....
Ha! I knew that would get him to move...
Orlando
day forty
Dear nobody
I had an epiphone yesterday...i realised that if you cant beat them, then you have to join them...
I was in the que in the local market, picking up my copy of 'womans weekly' when a gorgeous looking girl accosted me!
It came out of the blue, and i was rather taken aback...but she would not let go of me!!
She looked up at me with her sultry eyes all gleaming and said;
"omg! Your like my Idol! I LOVED you Edward Scissor hands!"
Welll....i was VERY angry...but i couldnt disappoint the girl now could i...
So i'm going on a date with her on friday night...
call me a fraud all you like, but im finally getting some!!!!!
Johnny
Day forty one
dear ichy
Why are people finding it so hard to look me in the eyes??
I went to shake kev's hand yesterday and he looked at it like he was inspecting it before he shook it!!!!
Theres something weird going on....
Everytime Keira goes for the beanbag she wipes it over with a cloth!
I dont have the lergie, you know....
atleast i dont think i do...
Gore has informed me about this kiss im supposed to be doing with keira...and apparently everyone is in on it but sad-sack....its like a conspiracy theory...i love it!!
I dont know whether to be ok about this kiss thing...
shes like Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay young!
My son has less years between them than i do with her!
Ah what the hell...if i can kiss winona im sure kissing keira wouldnt hurt...
much.
right...now im off to turn keiras trailor into a batchelor pad!!!!
....BTW the batchelor pad thing is a joke...im still with vanessa...damn, watch this be spread allover the papers tomorrow!!!
Jack D
Day forty two
Dear norrie
Went on a double date with my sexy Sailor and orli's emtally delinquant shop-girl...
She kept calling him Eddie...and he answered her!
What was her name.....
chikiTina?
TikiChina?
MikiWeina?
Gah i dont remember....but it was possibly the weirdest night of my life...
It got better when me and my beloved got back to my trailor though...its amazing how much fun you can have playing cluedo with the one you love!
And now she has be blindfolded! ....so technically i dont know how im writing this...its amazing, isnt it!!!
We're playing the 'food' game...i guess the food and if im right i get a gold star which means im allowed to do a chore for her!
So either way i win!!!!!
And they say romance is dead...or maybe they just wish it...
keira
Day forty three
Dear diary that - screw it, its too long!
Johnny and me had a fight last night...
So i kicked him off the beanbag and made him sleep outsid until he had learned his lesson....
5 minutes later he was complaining that he would catch neuphmonia...well, it wasnt my fault that there just happened to be a gigantic thunderstorm outside!!!!!!
He packed his stuff and left today...the electric was fixed on his boat 5 DAYS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked him WHY it took him so long to clear out...he told me that spunging off me reminded him of the 'good old times' ....
"And also because i just love to piss you off"
Well johnny boy ive got a surprise for you....
my trailor has a hole in the roof where theres a leak coming through...SO GUESS WHOSE COMING TO VISIT!!!!
Oh im so evil...
...and so poorly looked after! How could someone NOT spot a hole in a roof????
Its ok for johnny...he gets a boat...
...hehehe...but not for long!!!!