"Mrs. Betty Bowers' Words of Christian Concern for Ted Haggard's Delicious Disgrace"Dear Brothers and Sisters in Delighted Snickers:
I suspect that this will be a rather uncomfortable weekend at the Ted Haggard tax-free mansion. You see, Reverend Haggard is a vociferous spokesperson against gay marriage and, until yesterday, his wife probably had no idea she was actually in one.
Oh, I can hear some of you gals used to being around florists and Governors of New Jersey—and Texas—cackling. You think I'm selling the woman's intuition for pushily obvious queenery short. But if Haggard's unblinking congregation could sit and listen to such a liturgical Liberace week after week and not realize they were in the presence of someone who makes Barry Manilow in a full-length mink look butch, they really need to recalibrate their ability to detect prescription strength doses of flamboyance. Because if you can't tell that Haggard is not just gay, but marabou mules wearing gay, you must have bought your refurbished Gaydar at the same kiosk Tom Cruise got his E-meter.
But before everyone piles on with protestations of shock and awe, allow me to pause for praise where it is due for this man Harper’s claimed to hold more sway over the political direction of evangelicalism than any pastor in America. It is quite clear that Ted Haggard is a man with admirable devotion to the Christian/GOP cause. After all, it must take enormous willpower for a meth-crazed sodomite to remove a penis from his mouth long enough to denounce homosexuality.
Haggard famously claimed that "the only difference between me and George Bush is that Bush drives a Ford and I drive a Chevy." And from what I can tell, this may be the only honest thing the man has said. Let's compare, shall we?
Against gay marriage?
Check.
Fondness for sniffing illegal white powder?
Check.
Association with gay male prostitutes?
Jeff Gannon meet Mike Jones.
But I guess it is no more difficult to be a homosexual who purports to dislike homosexuality than it is to be a strike-first warmonger who purports to follow the Prince of Peace. Indeed, if only lying were a car, instead of a way of approaching the world, maybe one of them would have finally traded it in for something else by now.
But Mr. Haggard shows no more knack for honesty than he does for picking discreet prostitutes. As an evangelical preacher, he is clearly too used to getting up in front of people who believe anything he says to lie convincingly to those still fettered by thought. Indeed, his lying skills are so uproariously amateurish that, frankly, I think he needs some lessons from a pro like Dick Cheney, a man who can say, "I'm not currently saying this" and mean it.
For example, Haggard claims he visited the man he previously had never met simply to get a "massage." The chaste, innocent purpose of this endeavor must explain why he used a pseudonym. (As Marge Davis asked, "Well what is it that they are massaging is what I want to know!"😉.
Haggard is also claiming that he purchased a "first time customers only" introductory sample of crystal meth (meth dealers are notorious for their promotions). But threw it away. This must be our GOP version of the implausibility of "not inhaling," but, in typical Republican fashion, seems rather more blatantly wasteful. Did he not think of the consequences of this lie? Why, poor Nicole Richie is probably combing the side of every road out of Denver for that tiny baggie as I type this. But the talent-free waif searches in vain. Anyone who listens to Haggard's insistent voice messages can tell that this was someone jonesing for a fix, not a mildly curious man given to impromptu middle-age hard-drug experimentation like another 50 year old might finally try a Mojito. Listen to the recordings: we're talking "Lindsay Lohan down to her last kilo" desperate here.
It's become almost an axiom of American unctuousness that the more preening the public scold, the more inevitable the public scald. A public paradigm usually has a private paramour. Once pompous glutton William Bennett set himself up as an arbitrator of our virtues, it was only a matter of time before the arbitrariness of his own virtues was laid out like a losing twosome in blackjack.
While this type of cynical scorn of one's own words might strike the naïve as galling, there has always been a disconnect between private men and their public protestations. But for the miracle of vote tampering and activist Supreme Court judges, evangelicals would have been as essential to Mr. Bush's election as they like to assume. And every pandering appearance near a cross or coded reference to scripture stuck like a clumsy, phosphorescent Post It into a State of the Union address reminds us that the President is keenly aware of this perceived debt. But David Kuo, in his book Tempting Fate, tells us that such overt supplication is done with patronizing perfunctoriness. Evangelicals are actually mocked behind their backs at the White House.
The White House might have found this revelation embarrassing if people like Haggard didn't routinely prove that Evangelicals don't take anything they say seriously either. Jim Bakker got caught with his secretary while she still had her own breasts. Jimmy Swaggart got caught in a motel on a urine-stained mattress littered with unsavory streetwalkers. And Paul Crouch had to pay off his gay lover. (Mr. Crouch, appears to have been forgiven, if only because even those most strongly against homosexuality understand the urge to look for sexual outlets that don't involve Jan Crouch being naked.)
Mark Foley campaigned against legalizing gay marriage. Almost inevitably, we then find out that this was probably only because he would never tie the knot with someone old enough to legally marry. Haggard, perhaps in response to how Foley's crude, after-the-fact attempts to link his unacceptable homosexual indiscretion to a perfectly acceptable addiction, was rather smart to have a sex scandal prepackaged with an even better addiction. Well played!
Not to be outdone, Republican candidate for Florida Governor, Attorney General Charlie Crist, much like Ted Haggard, has not allowed his actual participation in homosexuality to get in the way of speaking out against the idea of homosexuality. And, frankly, I'm not sure what more readily impugns his boyfriend Bruce Carlton Jordan's character: being a convicted thief or working for that crazy sex kitten Katherine Harris. But what can you expect from the state that gave us not only the odious Miss Harris but also aquamarine appliances?
While Jesus was appallingly lax in neglecting to mention His disgust with homosexuality, He did take Republicans (for some reason, called Pharisees back then) to task for being hypocrites. As any modern Republican can tell you, Jesus, of course, had it all backwards. Homosexuality is to be despised. And lying (even about despising homosexuality) it just a quirk, something you tell people to get their money or vote. Ask Ted Haggard's best buddy James Dobson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIrRv99MB7A
Is there a better news show on TV than The Daily Show?
"Another Colorado Anti-Gay Pastor Outed"Denver, Colorado
—The senior pastor of a second Colorado megachurch has resigned following a phone call to the church outing him.The Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in South Denver announced in a video taped message to his congregation Sunday that he was stepping down.
"1 have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy," Barnes said in the video according to the Denver Post which was allowed to view the tape.
".. I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away."
In the video Barnes is seen sitting with his wife.
The church's associate pastor, Dave Palmer, told the Post that the church got an anonymous call last week from a person who said he had overheard a conversation in which someone mentioned "blowing the whistle" on evangelical preachers engaged in homosexuality, including Barnes.
Barnes founded Grace Chapel in his basement 28 years ago and saw it grow to be one of the biggest churches in the state.
His resignation comes a month after Colorado Springs pastor Ted Haggard was outed by a former male prostitute. (story)
Barnes preached that homosexuality is a sin, but unlike Haggard neither he nor his church took a stand on a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage that was approved by voters last month.
In the video Barnes said he became a Christian at age 17 and felt it would help him give up homosexuality, but the feelings never went away, he said.
Still, he said he cannot accept that a person is "born that way," adding that he believes sexuality is influenced by childhood experiences.
Barnes said in the video that he has been in counseling three times but never found anyone he could talk to.
His wife also appeared in the half-hour video the Post reported, saying that she didn't know about her husband's struggles until he confided in her last week. The couple has two daughters in their 20s.
In the video Barnes said he became a Christian at age 17 and felt it would help him give up homosexuality, but the feelings never went away, he said.
Still, he said he cannot accept that a person is "born that way," adding that he believes sexuality is influenced by childhood experiences.
So it seems homosexuality cannot be "given up" even with the power of Christ... Interesting.
I bet you he'll blame someone else for his sexuality, "I was touched as a child".
"Haggard Leaves Town"Colorado Springs, Colorado
Ted Haggard, one of the most powerful evangelical pastors in the country until it was disclosed he had frequented a male prostitute and had purchased methamphetamine, is packing up and leaving Colorado Springs to begin a new life with his wife."Jesus is starting to put me back together," Haggard wrote in an email he sent to his former parishioners at the 14,000-member New Life Church he had founded.
"I have spent so much time in repentance, brokenness, hurt and sorrow for the things I've done and the negative impact my actions have had on others. That sadness continues as my family and I, along with so many others, go through the painful consequences of my actions."
In his email Haggard said he and his wife would pursue psychology degrees.
For the past three months he has been undergoing what he calls "counseling" at an undisclosed location in Arizona.
"Thankfully, with the tools we gained there, along with the powerful way God has been illuminating His Word and the Holy Spirit has been convicting and healing me, we now have growing understanding which is giving me some hope for a future," he said in the email.
Haggard resigned last year as president of the National Association of Evangelicals after former hustler Mike Jones alleged Haggard paid him over a three-year period for sex and sometimes took methamphetamine during the encounters.
Haggard then was fired as pastor of the 14,000-member New Life Church. He publicly admitted in November to unspecified "sexual immorality."
Haggard, who had been president of the evangelical association since 2003, participated in conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied Congress last year on Supreme Court nominees.
His church was involved in fighting for a constitutional amendment in Colorado to ban same-sex marriage. It was because of the amendment that Jones came forward.
Haggard founded New Life in the mid-1980s and held its first services in the basement of his Colorado Springs home.
But while Haggard is trying to put his past behind him, Jones is writing a tell-all book about his encounters with the pastor. Last week Jones visited the church and was warmly greeted, much to his surprise
In his email Haggard said he and his wife would pursue psychology degrees.
And not just any psychology degrees, but an onine psychology degrees. About the only place you get get ones that agree "homosexuality is a choice and bad. A bad choice. That we can fix with prayer."
"I have spent so much time in repentance, brokenness, hurt and sorrow for the things I've done and the negative impact my actions have had on others. That sadness continues as my family and I, along with so many others, go through the painful consequences of my actions."
I read that and I thought "Jeeze, get over yourself Haggy." I pity the people so weak and dependant that the Revelation their pastor is gay causes them all kinds of grief. I mean honestly.
For the past three months he has been undergoing what he calls "counseling" at an undisclosed location in Arizona."Thankfully, with the tools we gained there, along with the powerful way God has been illuminating His Word and the Holy Spirit has been convicting and healing me, we now have growing understanding which is giving me some hope for a future," he said in the email.
Hmmmm.... that doesn't sound like proper counselling to me. Sounds more like... a Church of some kind.
Homo gets in the spotlight, publishes book to get put on TV, sued for libel.
How exactly?
Betty Bowers is a tool. Does she really expect anyone except liberals to take her seriously?
Also, my "libel" statement is based on the assumption that there will be certain embellishments to make a rather boring novel--oh, me, oh, my, a book about two gay guys having sex...what a delightful read; I'd rather suffer through any of Tolkien's insufferable work--less so.
Originally posted by FeceMan
Betty Bowers is a tool. Does she really expect anyone except liberals to take her seriously?Also, my "libel" statement is based on the assumption that there will be certain embellishments to make a rather boring novel--oh, me, oh, my, a book about two gay guys having sex...what a delightful read; I'd rather suffer through any of Tolkien's insufferable work--less so.
What is your problem ? What do you have against Liberals and Gay media in general ?
Originally posted by Lord Urizen
What is your problem ? What do you have against Liberals and Gay media in general ?
Also, I grow weary of hearing--in this case, reading--political hogwash that is directed not towards an intelligent discussion but idiotic demoagoguery.
I'm sick of hearing about how I'm an evil, intolerant bastard who ought to be serving in Iraq because of my viewpoints. I'm also sick and tired of how the liberal and gay media are absolute culture whores.
Originally posted by FeceMan
I'm an evil, conservative *****.Also, I grow weary of hearing--in this case, reading--political hogwash that is directed not towards an intelligent discussion but idiotic demoagoguery.
I'm sick of hearing about how I'm an evil, intolerant bastard who ought to be serving in Iraq because of my viewpoints. I'm also sick and tired of how the liberal and gay media are absolute culture whores.
I'm sick and tired of hearing how I am a sinner, how I'm going to burn in Hell, and how I'm a lost, unguided, Gay Liberal little deliquant....I am also sick and tired of how Conservative Media is boring as hell, and imposes superficial values upon people.
I am also sick of pro-gun, anti-gay, fat white bald men morality.....
What is your point ? How are you any better than myself ? 😬