Religious humour

Started by Shakyamunison24 pages

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
Who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life
Span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only
ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll
give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog
did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and
suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty y ears."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live
for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other
forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave
back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on
the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you

LOL

Originally posted by Bicnarok

That's just awful.......terrible, man oh man..

The last one is pretty funny. I didn't know Jesus said "lol".......hahahaha

Why didn't Jesus have many Female followers?

They heard he wasn't well "hung"

www.loljesus.com

Here is an example of their brilliant work.

http://loljesus.com/submissions/loljesus_skat.jpg

From Goodness gracious me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MzUOU1Dgms

Their stuff is hilarious!!!

Jesus from family guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiatGbaCxE0

😆

Originally posted by Bicnarok

That's one of my favorite Family Guy jokes EVER.

Originally posted by AngryManatee

Hahaha now that's a good one!

Who knew he favored Ak-47's haha.

Originally posted by AngryManatee
lolz

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
Who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life
Span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only
ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll
give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog
did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and
suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty y ears."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live
for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other
forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave
back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on
the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you

Haha, that's good.

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
Who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life
Span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only
ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll
give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog
did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and
suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty y ears."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live
for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other
forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave
back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on
the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you

😆 Oh shit, that's pretty funny lol

I have an idea of a joke where all the jews are crucified and there's Jesus with a spear saying "Revenge!"

What do you get when you mix an atheist and Jehovah's witness?

A person who goes around knocking on people's door for no reason.

***

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "Because people are sleeping!"