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The Bible contains material some may consider morally objectionable and/or inappropriate for children. These labels identify stories containing:
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Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
There
That reminds me; there's a Southern Baptist church down the street from my place of business that always has dumb things on its marquis like "God answers knee mail" and "Our church is prayer-conditioned".
And recently they got slapped with a big fine and threats of closure from the City for practicing snake-handling sermons. (Which is only legal in West Virginia)
Originally posted by Quiero Mota
That reminds me; there's a Southern Baptist church down the street from my place of business that always has dumb things on its marquis like "God answers knee mail" and "Our church is prayer-conditioned".And recently they got slapped with a big fine and threats of closure from the City for practicing snake-handling sermons. (Which is only legal in West Virginia)
Snake-handling sermons? 😆
JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to
her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is
the groom wearing black?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as
she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she
prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,
brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to
pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me
either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words
on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people
to collect all the money!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she
requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, "They couldn't get
a baby-sitter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing! the Ten Commandments with
her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent
when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he
were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny
responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a
strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad."