Short Civil War Parody by Willowhugger at Newsrama:
Civil War Parody
Speedball: Okay, we've fought the Sphinx and Galactus at various points in our career. The guy whom couldn't beat ANYBODY except by being toxic by his meer presence shouldn't be a problem.
Namorita: But what if he blows up an entire city?
Speedball: DAMNIT WOMAN, don't you think if he could do that he would have already done it and killed all of Marvel's heroes?
*KABLOOM*
Speedball: Well don't I have egg on my face.
***
Tony Stark: OH MY GOD! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! THIS IS THE WORST DISASTER OF ALL TIME!
Captain America: Except for when Kang conquered all of the planet and burned the skies from orbit.
Tony Stark: Except for that.
Captain America: Remember Genosha? 13 million dead.
Tony Stark: They were mutants, doesn't count.
Captain America: Remember when Ultron killed Yugoslavia's stand in?
Tony Stark: I'm missing your point.
Captain America: Hey, how about the cities in Russia Magneto destroyed.
Tony Stark: This is AMERICA man!
Captain America:There's been like a dozen small towns destroyed in comics in just this decade alone.
Tony Stark: It's near New York.
Captain America: Speaking of New York. Magneto rampage...5000 dead. Hulk, killed an entire city now. Thor also took over the planet.
Tony Stark: This was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Captain America: That was one honking strong camel.
***
Tony Stark: Okay, basically, we need to become accountable to the government.
Captain America: The one we're investigating for working with HYDRA?
Tony Stark: Let's put a pin in that right now.
Captain America: Dokay.
Tony Stark: I'm sure they won't abuse this power.
X-factor: Like make us work with Sabertooth and Mystique.
Professor X: Or build monster robots to hunt us down like animals.
Tony Stark: I believe in this nation.
Red Skull: You know, I had your job before you did. I kept it longer.
Tony Stark: Listen poindexter, I will BEAT your asses if you don't work with registration.
Director Hill: Hey! Captain, will you work with us?
Captain America: I don't like it but I...
Director Hill: Oh yes and please make it a point to hunt down your fellow superheroes instead of supervillains if they don't do this.
Captain America: I don't think that's a good...
Director Hill: OR I WILL KILL YOU.
Captain America: Ah Screw this.
Director Hill: Weird, I was using my nice voice.
***
Tony Stark: Peter, don't worry about giving away your secret identity.
Spiderman: Because you'll stand with me to fight off Supervillains and help defend me against legal costs right?
Tony Stark: Oh hell no. I'm too busy looking posh.
Mr. Fantastic: You know what I love? McCarthyism.
Director Hill: Oh by the way, Mr. F can we use you to build a super prison for superheroes?
Spiderman: Why aren't people paying for something like this for...I dunno.....Apocalypse?
Director Hill: Because apparently we hate our heroes more than we hate terrorists.
***
Speedball: I DID NOTHING WRONG! ATTICA! ATTICA!
Lawyer: Umm...you realize you're involved in 600 cases of manslaughter.
Speedball: But that's not possible.
Lawyer: I mean, seriously dude, you're guilty as hell. You attacked a supervillain who EXPLODES in the middle of a residential district. We're offering you a way out.
Speedball: I will be exonerated.
Lawyer: Dumbass.
***
Captain America: Yes, we're going to go underground and fight the MAN!
Falcon: Word up homey.
Batman: Okay, jackass, you don't get to steal my Dark Knight Returns stickhe.
Captain America: Yes, Americans need to know that authority should rest within the hands of an elite few guided solely by their consciences with no one to answer to but each other. I am that man!
Red Skull: You know, Captain, you're suddenly starting to make sense to me.
Captain America: And we have Nick Fury's help for this!
Nick Fury: It's the least I can do. You know, I already have everyone's secret identity on file. The whole registration thing makes no sense.
Captain America: Funny that.
I think I've figured this Thor character out, or at least nearly figured it out.
Do you all remember the Mighty Thor v2 #49? Well in that comic another avatar of Thor was fighting Desak, this avatar was Jake Olsen. While Jake Olsen in classic appearance was getting tossed about by Desak, the real asgardian King Thor returned. He told Jake that he splitting and drawing there power while they were separate, so he took away Jake's power and gave them back to himself. In The Mighty Thor v2 #79, King Thor went back in time and reunited Jake Olsen and King Thor so they could always and forever be as one person.
This leads me to conclude that This thor is not the real thor and is in fact Donald Blake. Below is the proof that backs my claim.
1. At the end of Ragnarok Thor had sacrificed both eyes, so that he could obtain knowledge beyond Knowledge. This Thor clearly had eyes.
2. Thor was not one to take orders from anybody, sometimes not even from his own father. This Thor clearly stood there and took orders from shield. The Thor as we know him would not take orders from anyone but Captain America.
3. The F4 run leads us to the direction that DB is returning, and it was his bag that was dropped.
4. Thor would never stand idly by while Captain America was decimated and nearly beaten to death.
5. At the end of ragnarok Asgard was destroyed, and the cycle stopped. If the Cycle was stopped, that means that the Asgardians would not be resurrected. This Thor appeared in his classic appearance, the same way Jake Olsen did. If This was the true Thor, he would have appeared in his King thor armor, for he is lord of the decimated Asgard.
All the evidense points to this being a fake Thor, or DB I should say. What do you think?
Originally posted by Soujaboy
I think I've figured this Thor character out, or at least nearly figured it out.Do you all remember the Mighty Thor v2 #49? Well in that comic another avatar of Thor was fighting Desak, this avatar was Jake Olsen. While Jake Olsen in classic appearance was getting tossed about by Desak, the real asgardian King Thor returned. He told Jake that he splitting and drawing there power while they were separate, so he took away Jake's power and gave them back to himself. In The Mighty Thor v2 #79, King Thor went back in time and reunited Jake Olsen and King Thor so they could always and forever be as one person.
This leads me to conclude that This thor is not the real thor and is in fact Donald Blake. Below is the proof that backs my claim.
1. At the end of Ragnarok Thor had sacrificed both eyes, so that he could obtain knowledge beyond Knowledge. This Thor clearly had eyes.
2. Thor was not one to take orders from anybody, sometimes not even from his own father. This Thor clearly stood there and took orders from shield. The Thor as we know him would not take orders from anyone but Captain America.
3. The F4 run leads us to the direction that DB is returning, and it was his bag that was dropped.
4. Thor would never stand idly by while Captain America was decimated and nearly beaten to death.
5. At the end of ragnarok Asgard was destroyed, and the cycle stopped. If the Cycle was stopped, that means that the Asgardians would not be resurrected. This Thor appeared in his classic appearance, the same way Jake Olsen did. If This was the true Thor, he would have appeared in his King thor armor, for he is lord of the decimated Asgard.
All the evidense points to this being a fake Thor, or DB I should say. What do you think?
Yup. Its as I've been saying from the beginning that this isn't Thor we all are used too but Donald Blake with Thor's power
Originally posted by SoujaboyNice theory. It would be nice to see what kind of personality Donald Blake has. He was the first Thor in a sense, after all.
I think I've figured this Thor character out, or at least nearly figured it out.Do you all remember the Mighty Thor v2 #49? Well in that comic another avatar of Thor was fighting Desak, this avatar was Jake Olsen. While Jake Olsen in classic appearance was getting tossed about by Desak, the real asgardian King Thor returned. He told Jake that he splitting and drawing there power while they were separate, so he took away Jake's power and gave them back to himself. In The Mighty Thor v2 #79, King Thor went back in time and reunited Jake Olsen and King Thor so they could always and forever be as one person.
This leads me to conclude that This thor is not the real thor and is in fact Donald Blake. Below is the proof that backs my claim.
1. At the end of Ragnarok Thor had sacrificed both eyes, so that he could obtain knowledge beyond Knowledge. This Thor clearly had eyes.
2. Thor was not one to take orders from anybody, sometimes not even from his own father. This Thor clearly stood there and took orders from shield. The Thor as we know him would not take orders from anyone but Captain America.
3. The F4 run leads us to the direction that DB is returning, and it was his bag that was dropped.
4. Thor would never stand idly by while Captain America was decimated and nearly beaten to death.
5. At the end of ragnarok Asgard was destroyed, and the cycle stopped. If the Cycle was stopped, that means that the Asgardians would not be resurrected. This Thor appeared in his classic appearance, the same way Jake Olsen did. If This was the true Thor, he would have appeared in his King thor armor, for he is lord of the decimated Asgard.
All the evidense points to this being a fake Thor, or DB I should say. What do you think?
Originally posted by BlaqChaos
Did anyone notice that Cap was the one who frew first blood. he wouldn't even hear Tony out. Cap was the first hero to attack another hero in this battle. (And don't try and bring Cloak and Wiccan up, as they were only hit with tranqs.)
Yes. That stood out to me first and foremost. Cloak and Wiccan were only incapacitated cause the "Secret Avengers" were gonna bolt when they realized they were trapped. I liked that it turned out to be Captain America striking first, cause I am so tried of seeing the anti-reg guys looked down on as the victims in this case
Originally posted by BlaqChaos
Did anyone notice that Cap was the one who frew first blood. he wouldn't even hear Tony out. Cap was the first hero to attack another hero in this battle. (And don't try and bring Cloak and Wiccan up, as they were only hit with tranqs.)
Ok look at it like This. His team of a few men ere ambushed and outnumbered. The characters on the team that could be used to escape were quickly taken out. There was a set of shield agents, and hero's of a higher caliber ready to attack his team. Tony Stark them offers him 5 minutes to talk about being giving himself up, and hunting down people who were once his friends. What choice did he have?
Originally posted by marvelprince
Yes. That stood out to me first and foremost. Cloak and Wiccan were only incapacitated cause the "Secret Avengers" were gonna bolt when they realized they were trapped. I liked that it turned out to be Captain America striking first, cause I am so tried of seeing the anti-reg guys looked down on as the victims in this case
How are they not the victims?
Originally posted by SoujaboyTony wanted more time than five minutes, but he offered that time as a time for Cap to hear him out so they wouldn't have to fight.
Ok look at it like This. His team of a few men ere ambushed and outnumbered. The characters on the team that could be used to escape were quickly taken out. There was a set of shield agents, and hero's of a higher caliber ready to attack his team. Tony Stark them offers him 5 minutes to talk about being giving himself up, and hunting down people who were once his friends. What choice did he have?
Originally posted by Soujaboy
Ok look at it like This. His team of a few men ere ambushed and outnumbered. The characters on the team that could be used to escape were quickly taken out. There was a set of shield agents, and hero's of a higher caliber ready to attack his team. Tony Stark them offers him 5 minutes to talk about being giving himself up, and hunting down people who were once his friends. What would you do?
Tony wasn't offering five minutes before Cap has to give himself up. He was offering him amnesty and a chance to register in order to avoid a huge conflict.
What I meant by victims was that they weren't just trapped and blown up. The pro-reg guys weren't shown to be vicious animals, Tony was attempting to be civil (pun intended) with Cap and explain his side of things and Captain America pulls a fast one on him. It doesn't paint the resistance in a good light which is something I'm proud about since no side should be clearly right or wrong
Originally posted by marvelprince
Tony wasn't offering five minutes before Cap has to give himself up. He was offering him amnesty and a chance to register in order to avoid a huge conflict.What I meant by victims was that they weren't just trapped and blown up. The pro-reg guys weren't shown to be vicious animals, Tony was attempting to be civil (pun intended) with Cap and explain his side of things and Captain America pulls a fast one on him. It doesn't paint the resistance in a good light which is something I'm proud about since no side should be clearly right or wrong
What would of happened if Cap would have took that 5 minutes, and then told Tony that he wasn't going to put the lives of his friends and family in danger, just so the government could have another dog?