A Broken Heart Is Hard To Heal

Sum1 plz comment on the poem I wrote besides Kitty

It's good, liked the rhyming enjambments, very rhythmic. It's got a nice flow to it and it's very touching. Well done!

Thx alot as u can see I was really depressed and kinda pissed I'll try 2 write more when I get inspiration

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Hey guys just tell me what u think I'm sure some of you can relate to atleast one of these give any suggestions you have.

The Bridge
My heart my sole you took it all,
I reached out and made a call,
Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge,
I fell hard but did not die,
My heart it hurts and now I cry,
For you still have my loving need,
Look my heart it now bleeds,
I reached up to grab your hand,
But you let go and I fell toward land,
Once again I did not die,
But now I hardly begin to cry,
Now angry I climb for the view,
Read my lips **** U

Love and Hate
I love you for your talents, cuteness and personality,
You hate me for my appearance, clothes and weighted body,
I love you for yourself and nothing has to change,
You hate me thats it I'm out of your range,
I love who you are and where you've been,
You hate me and don't care if I'm there once and then again,
I love you so much your my everything,
You hate me and seem to not care if you give me pain,
I see to you I'm just another score,
So go on have fun with another stupid whore!!!!

Confused
Scared and confused my heart leaps,
For now we have new found feats,
No hope gained no hope lost,
For last it gave such a cost,
Today we broke that barrier,
That one last safety carrier,
Is there still a chance,
Is there still hope,
Is there still a chance for us to cope,
I'm scared to trust my own instincts,
My own true feelings that create a link,
God help us to find our one demand,
That has us loving hand in hand,
Confused and scared my heart resides,
Of your heart it lays inside.

~No Name~
My heart it aches,
My heart it breaks,
How it hates you,
How it loves you,
Whats my choice but 2 want you,
Sure you don't say a single word,
But now your person my heart has heard,
Don't deny my wanting need,
For your call I want to heed,
See my pain its all inside,
But infront of you its sure to hide,
Does that mean you make me find,
My one true happiness thats you inside.

Puzzle
Searching so hard my head is spinning,
This search is always never ending,
Asking every person I see,
Except the one who has what I need,
He's hiding it from me where could it be,
I look into his eyes but nothing I see,
I ask all of his friends but they have no clue,
Only helping are a few,
My mind confused his not thinking straight,
I need that last fit before it's too late,
My mind is leaking full give me a muzzle,
Still searching for that last piece to the puzzle!!!!

Give Up
Theres no chance theres no hope,
Goobye for now we'll never cope,
I thought we both felt that way,
I'm proved wrong in one day,
You say one thing and act another,
I'll just face it we are not lovers,
I wish I was wrong to say this truth,
We are separated by a hard steel roof,
One side love the other hate,
In the middle it's our hearts beating a fast rate,
I wish I was wrong to just give up,
I'll face it now I'm a love sick pup,
Tomorrow the sun rises nothing will change,
You still say I'm out of your range!!!!

Awesome i love it great writing skill.

Those r nuttin compared 2 ur skills the only one that I like that I wrote is the very last one that came later on its on pg 5

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Theres only one way to say goodbye
I walk away as I cry
Tonight is it theres nothing left
You have committed a mighty theft
My heart has been stolen and ripped apart
So many emotions right from the start
It's like a story with an unhappy ending
Knowing it's too late my heart is cringing
I look one last time with my last bit of hope
Wishing for a chance for our hearts to cope
The day is now gone and so are you
By now my face is turning blue
When the rope is cut it'll be too late
I will slowly die at a gentle rate
When you finally care my last breath will be taken
In your arms I'll die shaking
The last word I'll hear from you is why
Slowly and softly I'll say goodbye
Your question left unanswered as so were mine
You now know the pain felt when thought all was fine
Your heart now broken too for you watched me die
The last two words you say "Good-Bye"
As painful tears fall from your eyes
You start to remember all the hatred and lies
You wish your truth was told to all aloud
But you were too busy being cocky and proud
You spill your blood with one single cut
On your throat it shows such a rut
With your last bit of voice you say I love you
My saddened face is your last view
This poem has told you truly why
There is only one way to say goodbye

It's not that good but I needed to get some feelings out tell me what u think ppl

i thought it was good it sort of reminds me of romeo and juliet and how there love ended in tragedy. Very deep and sad. Love and pain is alway a strong emotion in poetry

Thx and I agree bout love and pain being major emotions in poetry. I think u got my poem more than anybody in this thread. For me it was a story of a emotions and how they came to what they are pain, sorrow, tragedy, confusion, heart break, and love.

no prob. liked it a lot. any new one anytime soon

I'm not sure on a new one yet I've gotta find sumthin 2 bring the words 2 my mind sumthin like an inspiration but I'm workin on it cuz I really need 2 write another one but its just gotta come 2 me ya know??

I thought it was done,
I thought we had quit,
I thought I knew why it wasn't it,
But it was all just a fake,
A little lie here and there,
You never understood and you never cared,
My heart still breaking,
My body still aching,
Wondering if one cut could take the pain away,
Crying my eyes out day by day,
Searching for happiness in a sea of despair,
Thinking and asking, will you ever care?
Fighting and fussing is our only connection,
I'm sorry I can't give you true perfection.

I finally wrote another I don't find it to be too good but tell me your thoughts

Plz comment ppl

It is sweet and very fast, umm.. i don't think that's the best way to put it but for the most part it is smooth and kinda easy to read but you break your rhythm quite disconsertingly part way through. the introduction of rhyme in the middle is also a little odd and suggests that you hadn't planned or revised it... 🙂 but i like it other than that...

Yea I never plan them out they just come how they come it's just the way I'm feeling that day and I don't think it's very good anyway but thx alot

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
I thought it was done,
I thought we had quit,
I thought I knew why it wasn't it,
But it was all just a fake,
A little lie here and there,
You never understood and you never cared,
My heart still breaking,
My body still aching,
Wondering if one cut could take the pain away,
Crying my eyes out day by day,
Searching for happiness in a sea of despair,
Thinking and asking, will you ever care?
Fighting and fussing is our only connection,
I'm sorry I can't give you true perfection.

I finally wrote another I don't find it to be too good but tell me your thoughts

Well it sorta came from the heart and I needed to get some words out so I wrote them down but thx

Secretly lying to keep us apart,
I refused to admit you were still in my heart,
I thought I was done,
I thought I had quit,
I thought I had moved on from your stupid bit,
Then you came back and ruined it all,
"Trying to be nice" my heart started to fall,
Sinking and sinking into a deep pit of confusion,
Then I thought it just to be an illusion,
I was finally moving, then u put back in my mind,
Searching for answers I found nothing to find,
Still hiding your reasons I gave up with the fight,
Again getting angered and confused at night,
We made an agreement of no more hatred to exchange,
First meet of words my heart rearranged,
No longer hating but hurting inside,
We finally had our first and last goodbyes,
Tears held back from my eyes til late,
I will never understand why you started to hate,
1,000 miles away I still wonder and care,
What happened to us, what happened to this year

Ok for me its not so much about grammar or fixin things just tell me what u think bout the poem

i knooooooooo wat thats about 😖mart: yes i do 😊 but very very good poem, i luv u an miss u girl sooo much

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Hey guys just tell me what u think I'm sure some of you can relate to atleast one of these give any suggestions you have.

The Bridge
My heart my sole you took it all,
I reached out and made a call,
Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge,
I fell hard but did not die,
My heart it hurts and now I cry,
For you still have my loving need,
Look my heart it now bleeds,
I reached up to grab your hand,
But you let go and I fell toward land,
Once again I did not die,
But now I hardly begin to cry,
Now angry I climb for the view,
Read my lips **** U

Love and Hate
I love you for your talents, cuteness and personality,
You hate me for my appearance, clothes and weighted body,
I love you for yourself and nothing has to change,
You hate me thats it I'm out of your range,
I love who you are and where you've been,
You hate me and don't care if I'm there once and then again,
I love you so much your my everything,
You hate me and seem to not care if you give me pain,
I see to you I'm just another score,
So go on have fun with another stupid whore!!!!

Confused
Scared and confused my heart leaps,
For now we have new found feats,
No hope gained no hope lost,
For last it gave such a cost,
Today we broke that barrier,
That one last safety carrier,
Is there still a chance,
Is there still hope,
Is there still a chance for us to cope,
I'm scared to trust my own instincts,
My own true feelings that create a link,
God help us to find our one demand,
That has us loving hand in hand,
Confused and scared my heart resides,
Of your heart it lays inside.

~No Name~
My heart it aches,
My heart it breaks,
How it hates you,
How it loves you,
Whats my choice but 2 want you,
Sure you don't say a single word,
But now your person my heart has heard,
Don't deny my wanting need,
For your call I want to heed,
See my pain its all inside,
But infront of you its sure to hide,
Does that mean you make me find,
My one true happiness thats you inside.

Puzzle
Searching so hard my head is spinning,
This search is always never ending,
Asking every person I see,
Except the one who has what I need,
He's hiding it from me where could it be,
I look into his eyes but nothing I see,
I ask all of his friends but they have no clue,
Only helping are a few,
My mind confused his not thinking straight,
I need that last fit before it's too late,
My mind is leaking full give me a muzzle,
Still searching for that last piece to the puzzle!!!!

Give Up
Theres no chance theres no hope,
Goobye for now we'll never cope,
I thought we both felt that way,
I'm proved wrong in one day,
You say one thing and act another,
I'll just face it we are not lovers,
I wish I was wrong to say this truth,
We are separated by a hard steel roof,
One side love the other hate,
In the middle it's our hearts beating a fast rate,
I wish I was wrong to just give up,
I'll face it now I'm a love sick pup,
Tomorrow the sun rises nothing will change,
You still say I'm out of your range!!!!

the ending for The Bridge was nice. And i'm diggin the bridge metaphor!
Here's my favorite lines from that one:

"Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge"

That' was dope! For some reason, i'm really diggin that ears line!

"Love and hate was cool!" You stayed true to the theme of the title by contrasting every aspect of emotion in that broken heart state. Nice!

Confuse was one of my favorite. Similar to how you execute for Love and Hate, you clearly stayed true to the theme of the title as each line has a sort of unsettling qualities too them. This line here sums up the piece nicely:

"I'm scared to trust my own instincts,"

Illness!!

Now for the downside. No Name, was terrible! I didn't like that one at all. Each one of the topic had a theme that was executed well, resulting in an easy time to relate to your emotions and feelings, except No Name. I wasn't sure what kind of feelings or emotion you were trying to conveyed there. Another downer was, I feel, The simple wordings. Trying using a thesaurus to spice your poem up a little. Trust me, it makes a huge different. Other than those blemishes, Good Job!!

Thanks dude I appreciate it and yea No Name aint that great I know its not exactly one I like that much and thx kitty I miss u too!!