I'll have a go with Ted!
Dear what's-your-face,
Mad! every single one of them. CAn a goldfish remind me why I'm still partners with Terry? He can't understand that sex sells if I write it on a 10000000$ check and hand it to him on a silver platter.
I had to BRIBE him for that JE kiss in DMC and now he is claiming that since I "got it FLIPPING your way in the 2nd part which was the most IMPORTANT" was what HE said so now he has to get it HIS way.
I've decided I need an assistant/therapist but no one came to the interview except this girl who acted ALARMINGLY like JAck/Johnny!
SHe told me to call her Tee and before I had a chance to ask her a question she thanked me for hiring her and brought me a smoothie. so I guess she's hired.
BTW I think there's something going on between the parrot and the monkey! I saw the parrot carrying a nose with it's beak! and that's not even me being ME, it's me being SERIOUSE.
be back for more,
Teddy bear!
Gore
Dear Journal,
I swear. If Ted and Terry fight one more time... I will secretly glue willobeth shirts onto them, just so they'll get attacked by everyone else on set. That would be awesome to watch...
Orlando walked on set today and asked for my name and told me it was a pleasure to meet me. His head then began spinning around until he eventually fell to the ground. I stepped over him three times throughout the day. I'm not sure what happened. I looked around to see if Keira was started her nude rounds early- but she was no where to be found. Awe well.
Although, speaking of sadsack and Keira- I have a hilarious story to tell. One of those stupid writers though it'd be a good idea to try to have them kiss whilst swinging on ropes in the maelstrom scene. Reluctanty, I agreed to try it. Here's the conclusion I got out of it: Orlando is utterly obsessed with Keria Knightly. Instead of grabbing onto her rope as he was supposed to, he kept grabbing on to HER and saying he "missed" but then continued to try to compltley makeout with her on the rope. I'm surpised he didn't pass out sooner due to how hard Keria shoved him off.
Ah. It's like that charachter in "The Devil Wears Prada" says, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job... I love my job..."
Until another day...
Gore
Terry
not-so-dear-diary
SO that's why they call him sad sack?!!he messed up MY SCENE and now Gore's not gonna do it anymore.
I'm so stressed out and...oh! how badly I'm craving some rocky road icecream so instead I made popsicles with orange juice and my lips are orange from sucking on them all day long.
As if the fans weren't enough...the actors are far worse!
I wish Depp didn't feel like he can do anything cause he's Depp and that people stop giving him the idea he can do anything cause he's Depp and that he changes his last name so he is no longer Depp and hence stops doing whatever he BLOODY FREAKING DOODLY DIDDLY FIDDLY WAAAANTS!!! ARGH! catch my drift?
and I wish Knightley stopped being so...knightley! She's so horny that girl. She kissed sad sack PLUS she insisted she kiss Depp PLUS she threatened me with A WATER GUN until I agreed she kiss Davenport!
JESUS HOLY CHRIST! I haven't kissed ONE of them and she's kissed all three. And I've helped her...I'VE CREATED A MONSTER
I think she's anorexic. ppl see her on camera and don't realize that the camera adds TEN POUNDS! SO take those ten punds off and in person...the other day I felt her rib cage poke me in the side for god's sake and that was when I was standing a good distance away from her!!
I've decided that actors become actors because they can't even sell pens on the phone and that screen writers become screen writers for lack of crazier people to hang out with...I think I'll go brag to Ted about how the ending with be Willabeth and not sparrabeth. MWUAHAHAHA!!!
later rather than sooner.
Terry...NO NOT TERRY POO or anything just plain Terry ppl!
Ted
Dear-what's-your-face
I know Orli's been wearing red lipstick...and HEY! who am I to judge? he's far better looking than I! maybe he looks good in a my-name-is-merilyn-manson way and I'm just too healthy realize it. BUT WHY IN GOD'S NAME IS TERRY WEARING ORANGE LIP STICK?
He insists it's just popsicles but...I don't know what to believe anymore. In a world where AWE shall be Willabeth, Johnny Depp will get less screen time, the parrot and the monkey have hooked up and knightley is chasing after all the boys like moby dick after the white whale can Terry be GAY?
BLAH! I'm paranoid again. Sady (I've started calling him that..it's shorter than sad sack) wears lipstick and he's (for a reason invisible to me) a babe magnet. But Terry being gay would explain a lot of things! The Willabeth OBSESSION and all the eunich jokes.
*starts drawing crosses over chest* oh lord forgive me for I have had impure thoughts of whoever stands between me and Sparrabeth.
I DID invent Sparrabeth did ya know? Dates back to when Terry and I used to be two movie dorks with breaths smelling like Cheetoz and long bangs and undies with holes in them and we would ride the POTC ride and talk about how we wold someday write a movie about it...
AHHH! the good old days when we didn't fight and got 5$ a script for the school play.
I always thought that the girl and the pirate should be togethr and then Terry almsot deleted my character (Captain Jack Sparrow) from the COTBP script! I stopped him ofcourse.
And now Tee brought me coffee and an issue of Rolling Stones mag with Johnny on the cover and informed me very seriousely that we MUST have at least ONE JE scene...She ALSO told me that she's found Terry's diary (which I gave him BTW) and she's sure he has a weakness for Rocky Road icecream and that we can bargain him with it.
see ya soon,
love, Teddy bear!
Come on! ppl write some!
Terry
not-so-dear-diary
Me and rocky road! Together at last...Ted kept on saying stuff.
He said he's giving the icecream it to me on one condition and I said ANYTHING! than I grabbed it from him and started stuffing my face.
He rambled on about a scene with a parachute and something about falling off a cliff and something ELSE about a kiss...I DON'T CARE! I told him to do whatever he wants.
My lips aren't orange anymore cause I don't have to suck on those disgusting orane popsicles anymore!
It's good I'm so happy cause I heard whispers going around...not sure what it is but Penny (the costume designer) DEFFINITELY spoke my name in one sentence with sad sack! That's NEVER good.
later!
Ted
Dear-what's-your-face
VICTORY is ours!!!! *starts doing victory dance*
HE TTLY FELL FOR IT!!! I have a scene with a parachute, one with both of them falling off a cliff, a kiss at shipreck cove, one where Elizabeth gives Jack a goodbye kiss AND one where Elizabeth hugs Jack in the locker!
Life is good again...well except for the fact that knightley's been lurking around naked and has scared about EVERYONE out of their pants!
I swear I saw Johnny telling gore that he will not do a scene with her unless she has a coat on. Says the image is stuck in his head and that he doesn't need reminding.
I wonder how he will react to the fact that he must kiss her again?
He seemed to have some fun with it last time. He ate all sorts of disgusting things and Knightley almost barfed...
Now THAT was priceless!
BTW I have a feeling that Tee is stealing from me! All of my posters and Red Hot Chilie Peppers CDs are missing and my that pic of me and Johnny at the premier was covered in sliva! EWWWWWW!
C ya!
Teddy bear
me too me too!!!
Jerry
Dear me,
Ah... It was a wonderful day today.. the sun is shining.. the birds are singing... Then I saw Terry's face all covered in ice cream and Ted was blabbering away at him.
I also spotted my assistant Jaeh running around after Depp. I think her clipboard is already full of his autographs, and her cellphone full of pictures of the two of them, and so on. I also caught her climbing into the window of Depp's trailer. I needed to pull her out while she's shrieking inside.
I can't believe this. I thought having an assistant would make life a bit easier for me, and I still can't believe even i hired a nutcase. But I can't fire her, she is actually helping me edit some of the scenes. But I still am wondering how come she knows my passwords.......
Oh, and I remember that scene where Will and Liz were supposed to kiss swinging on ropes, and the sad-sack.. kissed her almost everywhere... It was funny... Keira was fuming when she got off the rope, and i can't stop laughing. So I got a slap.
I think I'm gonna go nuts too sooner or later.
Nuts is all that matters,
Jerry-poo
(PS: This is why we really need nut scenes in Pirates 3.)
*scratches head* i dunno if that's funny.. shrug
Gore
Dear Journal,
He's finally done it. Depp has officially gone crazy with anger at sad sack. He has now taken it upon himself to post SPARRABETH stuff... EVERYWHERE. Last I heard Depp was fed up with Keira, I guess he has a bigger hate toward Orlando... odd. Needless to say. This morning I woke up with the screams of Orlando running in and out of everyone's trailers screaming something like... "DEPP MUST DIE", not sure I caught it all though. It's not like he was screaming RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR or something. Anger.
Jerry got a freaking CRAZY assistant, named, Jaeh? Something like that. She seems to be completley obsessed with Mr. Depp. No matter the amounts of times he's told her to quiet down... every time she sees him, she seriously goes NUTS. It's a bit weird around here.
Apparently Keria's punishment for walking around nude is to wear a coat at all times around Depp. So what does she do? She buys a see-through rain coat. Leave it to that Knightley girl too really piss some people off...
No one can find Jack. But we keep finding pranks and messes. Odd.
Oh, and unfortunatley the whole "Sparrabeth" thing has caused sad sack to come back to his senses. And it was getting so fun to mess with his brain... sad day.
Alright. Back to work!
Gore
LOL!!!!
Ted
Dear-what's-your-face
I'm going crazy!!! And just when things were start to go my way.
Jaeh and Tee are chasing after Johnny and screaming "He's MINE!" "No! He's MINE" and I finally reminded them that he's Vanessa's but would they put a sock in it? NO!
The problem is neither me nor Jerry can fire them cause...well their actually helpful!
But u know what's madeningly UNhelpful? (WOW! what a cool phrase right? Madeningly unhelpful? I think I'll put it in the script) Terry! Now that he ate all his ice cream he's on my back again.
SERIOUSELY!! He's agreed with a parachute scene but only if it's Jack rescuing Liz after Will stabs the heart, he says Jack should STOP liz from kissing him (why would he do that when he's wanted it all along?), a kiss at shipwreck cove is out of the question, no falling of the cliff and no liz hugging Jack either (do to the fact that Will is standing there he claims)
I'm scared for the poor bugger actually. How could he forget the sight of his trailer covered in egg? He swore he couldn't eat omlets ever again!
Can't he see I'm doing him a favor? The more Sparrabeth scenes we have the less likely it is that he gets terrorized.
SOme people can't think straight if u put a ruler in their brain.
Love,
Teddy bear