Denton Van Zan Vs. the Wood-chipper from Fargo

he was the self-destructive captain ahab who got his own troops killed (and quinn's village) hunting his arch nemesis. but he was dumber than ahab since he was only hunting the females (which he confessed to be a pointless venture).

however he did have ripped abs, sexy tattoos, and a tight muscly ass, as quan will testify.

And ever you need to hear a really good totally-over-compensatory grunt or a roar totally concocted to distract people from noticing his naturally effeminate ways and his deep need to straddle guys whilst beating his chest, Van Zan's your guy.

(Also if you need really good fertiliser for your lawn.)

I am heavily doubtful Van Zan fertilizer could even grow a blade of grass. The instructions probably tell you to pour salt on your plants instead of water.

Most likely.

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I wonder how many people Van Zan would sacrifice to take on the woodchipper. I could imagine the scene

Van Zan: I'm taking your child! He's going to climb into the woodchipper and disable it from the inside.
Mother: No! He'll get shredded! I keep telling you! There's a damn off switch!
Van Zan: Listen bytch! I DO NOT GO WITH THE MOST LOGICAL SOLUTION! Now give me the kid! He's going in!

The kid, his pet hamster, and several of his favorite toys..anyone from his street..the postman who delivers to his house, the postman's wife, the postman's wife's brother whom hasn't seen them in 3 years... the postman's wife's brother whom hasn't seen them in 3 years' goldfish called 'Ned'

All in the name of protecting them.

It would be like a black hole. Van Zan would sacrifice everyone on Earth into the woodchipper, and then start sacrificing all extraterrestrial life. Not even the Q Continuum would be safe. Eventually only himself will remain in the omniverse, and having exhausted all other options against such an insurmountable foe as the woodchipper, he'll have no choice to make one final dive, for the good of humanity.

lol Indeed. 'Til he decides that the omniverse has to go too...for it's own sake.

Why did the chicken cross the road..?

i dont know...why? clown

Because it was being buried on the other side after Van Zan "saved" it.

Originally posted by Sadako of Girth
Because it was being buried on the other side after Van Zan "saved" it

😂

and what of the rest of the chickens?

they were also "saved" when van zan burned down the chicken coop.

😂 Indeed. Very thorough in his saving, that Denton bloke.

Originally posted by Lestov16
It would be like a black hole. Van Zan would sacrifice everyone on Earth into the woodchipper, and then start sacrificing all extraterrestrial life. Not even the Q Continuum would be safe. Eventually only himself will remain in the omniverse, and having exhausted all other options against such an insurmountable foe as the woodchipper, he'll have no choice to make one final dive, for the good of humanity.

He once was blind, but now can see.

Hallelujah....!!!

Knew that kid would eventually come back around to reason.

Restores hope in the future just a little.

Now if the other one would stop attempting to drown himself in the Lubricants of Khan and Van Zan* to the forum's constant negative detriment we'd be set.

*whilst being illogically angry at Van Zan winning here via a genuinely heroic, redeeming use of his natural rage quit skills as he dives into the chipper, eventually destroying it** along with himself.

** Well maybe partly dulling a blade or two, necessitating that it/they be sharpened

"How much wood would a woodchipper chip if a woodchipper could chip wood?"

The answer, of course is "47 Van Zans."