Originally posted by Nibedicus
Idunno, man. I agree that narcissism is not the sole reason here, definitely. Things like this is as nuanced as they come. Thing is, I KNOW I can break a woman (granting several factors are in my favor) if I really tried and I actually came close to it when I was younger (to the point where she threatened to kill herself if I didn’t call her back). For the longest time I thought she was just nuts. But she is now night and day compared to when we were dating. Maybe she grew out of it? I dunno. But I have to say that we are not at our best when we are broken. And we can have some pretty extreme and unreasonable reactions when exposed to prologned emotional pressure by something we value and cherish a lot. My point is that we should always be wary of what we do to others and how ppl behave has as much to do with what we do to them as who they really are. Their actions, of course, is all on them. But their RE-actions to what we do may well be something beyond their control and may not be as insane given specific context.
Breaking a person, especially a woman emotionally attached to you is incredibly easy. The person least committed to a relationship has all the power (All games are about sex. Except sex, which is about power).* BUT from my understanding, Whirly was somewhat negligent, a little flirty, and got busy. Aka being a human being in the 21st century.
The kind of reaction elicits a brief convo, a setting of boundaries, and moving on eventually. Her behaviour was incredibly immature.
*I recommend reading the 48 laws of power, understanding mating strategies, and some basic psychology. I thought it was ridiculous but it does wonders in that you learn what emotional triggers you, how other people are triggered, and how you can control their actions through how you trigger them. It primarily comes down to two things. Someone/something was doing something you enjoyed and is no longer doing so or preventing you from doing so, or something is imparting on you something/someone you do not enjoy. All emotional outbursts/feelings etc. including human relationships come down to those two main things, and anger/hate/anxiety etc. spun out of the inability to change those things. It makes you feel as if you are without power, and nothing is more grating the powerlessness to a human being.
This is not some theoretical nonsense. It has had an honest and tangible benefit, significantly improving my quality of life over a period of a few months. I've always been good with people, but this makes you excellent at controlling people. You also quickly learn that people LOVE being controlled whether consciously or unconsciously. I also realized through this why so many young men struggle or feel like women were Disney villains to them: Women are instinctively MUCH MUCH better at this process than men. As a well-adjusted boy raised in a decent household, you're basically playing with half a deck. You've been told your whole life that women are pretty much Disney characters made out of sugar and spice. Reality hits some people HARD. A lot of guys also have trouble accepting how sexual women are, and how much it drives them. This is unfortunate, as it places an unfair burden on women to meet ridiculous standards.
Originally posted by Putinbot1
@DT no I wouldn't gamble, but I've never maybe loved someone like she loved me. Btw, cheers mate.@ Bentley, also cheers mate, and I agree with your entire post.
@Nib, the truth is people are fragile and we never truly know how much is us and how much is them in all interactions as ranges vary. I can honestly say, I only ever behaved normally.
Well I agree on the fragility of ppl. Again, I’ve seen it firsthand (and have some guilt over things I’ve done while I was young). My point was simply a theory based on observable behavior, don’t mind me. 😛
Originally posted by Rage.Of.Olympus
Breaking a person, especially a woman emotionally attached to you is incredibly easy. The person least committed to a relationship has all the power (All games are about sex. Except sex, which is about power).* BUT from my understanding, Whirly was somewhat negligent, a little flirty, and got busy. Aka being a human being in the 21st century.The kind of reaction elicits a brief convo, a setting of boundaries, and moving on eventually. Her behaviour was incredibly immature.
*I recommend reading the 48 laws of power, understanding mating strategies, and some basic psychology. I thought it was ridiculous but it does wonders in that you learn what emotional triggers you, how other people are triggered, and how you can control their actions through how you trigger them. It primarily comes down to two things. Someone/something was doing something you enjoyed and is no longer doing so or preventing you from doing so, or something is imparting on you something/someone you do not enjoy. All emotional outbursts/feelings etc. including human relationships come down to those two main things, and anger/hate/anxiety etc. spun out of the inability to change those things. It makes you feel as if you are without power, and nothing is more grating the powerlessness to a human being.
This is not some theoretical nonsense. It has had an honest and tangible benefit, significantly improving my quality of life over a period of a few months. I've always been good with people, but this makes you excellent at controlling people. You also quickly learn that people LOVE being controlled whether consciously or unconsciously. I also realized through this why so many young men struggle or feel like women were Disney villains to them: Women are instinctively MUCH MUCH better at this process than men. As a well-adjusted boy raised in a decent household, you're basically playing with half a deck. You've been told your whole life that women are pretty much Disney characters made out of sugar and spice. Reality hits some people HARD. A lot of guys also have trouble accepting how sexual women are, and how much it drives them. This is unfortunate, as it places an unfair burden on women to meet ridiculous standards.
Yeah, that was a theory based on observable behavior. 😛 It was a fun discussion but I did reiterate that I most likely was wrong if his RL persona is different from his online one.
Nah, I’ve never placed women on a pedestal. I grew up with more female than male friends (tho I only keep contact with 10 or less of them at this point of time) and I was closer to my female friends than I was to my male friends. I understand that they are not that much different than men (with one minor exception: I find women are more vicious and conniving if they want to be, I could tell stories man lol). I’m actually at a pretty balanced place right now as I feel that I incredibly lucked out marrying (and having a daughter with) a good friend I’ve known for 25 plus years (well I’ve known her for 20 years when we married). The one friend I actually decided to break my never date friends rule and have a relationship with. So at this point, I don’t think a book on psychology and emotional triggers and mating strategies would be all that useful to me. 😛
@Sam that's pretty much my thoughts, tbh, the aim of this thread was to show men and women both get hurt, whilst I used a real world example it was to highlight women as portrayed on the internet are not a real image. In a way this got derailed by people who probably need to see this the most.
@Rage, see above and I agree with many of your points.
@Rob, Cheers mate and I don't really feel I was a douche at all.
@Nib, I'm not really the point of my thread in my opinion, perhaps I should have used a hypothetical rather than a real life situation to present the concept men and women are more alike in relationships than the web would have us believe.
The problem I still have and Rage, DT, Bentley, DMB and others have all touched on it is people are people, how they behave is different from situation to situation and relationship to relationship. Few people set out to hurt others on purpose, this portrayal that a lot of women do, isn't real.
Originally posted by Putinbot1
@Sam that's pretty much my thoughts, tbh, the aim of this thread was to show men and women both get hurt, whilst I used a real world example it was to highlight women as portrayed on the internet are not a real image. In a way this got derailed by people who probably need to see this the most.@Rage, see above and I agree with many of your points.
@Rob, Cheers mate and I don't really feel I was a douche at all.
@Nib, I'm not really the point of my thread in my opinion, perhaps I should have used a hypothetical rather than a real life situation to present the concept men and women are more alike in relationships than the web would have us believe.
The problem I still have and Rage, DT, Bentley, DMB and others have all touched on it is people are people, how they behave is different from situation to situation and relationship to relationship. Few people set out to hurt others on purpose, this portrayal that a lot of women do, isn't real.
Didn’t disagree with any of that. My counterpoint was merely to state that things are more nuanced than it is portrayed in a typed forum medium and that sometimes ppl tend to not do introspection when analyzing the why’s when a relationship fails and tend to portray themselves in a neutral light (w/c would paint the other party in quite a negative light considering extreme reactions) not realizing that things can build up over time and most behavior is just as reactionary and conditioned as it is innate.
I would like to add that a hypothetical would have been a better example as that would eliminate unknown unstated factors that would have possible contributions to the said example.
Originally posted by SurturNa, its Friday you just have to remind me who you are.
Yeah, I definitely hit a nerve 🙂
Surt, the guy with no job, no health, no education, no gf, no kids, no stake in the world. Everytime I post your characteristics I imagine how you must feel reading them and going, **** me, that's me, I'm Surt... and remember Surt, even your online allies see you like that.
Originally posted by Putinbot1
an, its Friday you just have to remind me who you are.Surt, the guy with no job, no health, no education, no gf, no kids, no stake in the world. Everytime I post your characteristics I imagine how you must feel reading them and going, **** me, that's me, I'm Surt... and remember Surt, even your online allies see you like that.
Yeah, a nerve was definitely hit. I love it 🙂