If you talk like Agent Smith when 'reasoning' with your 2-year-old child:
(Toying with the plate full of untouched broccoli) "As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, [name]. It seems that you've been living two lives... In one life, you're our 'Precious Pumpkin', you giggle and coo, you eat your veggies, and you even help mommy pick up your toys. The other life is lived in mischief, where you go by the toddler alias 'Rugrat' and are guilty of wanting to eat only ice cream and virtually every other junk food mommy has said 'no' to. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not. I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can be, [name]. We know that you've been spoiled by a certain individual, a man who calls himself 'Grandpa'. He is considered by your mother to be the most dangerous man alive." (sliding the plate of unfinished broccoli aside) "We're willing to wipe the plate clean, give you a fresh fruit. All I'm asking in return is your help in bringing a known in-law to justice."
Child responds, "How about I give you a face full of broccoli, and you give me my ice cream."
You reply, "What good is ice cream if you are unable to eat?" (you plug a pacifier into their mouth)
In public, you sporadically pretend to dodge imaginary bullets in slo-mo.
While riding a crowded elevator, you suddenly scream, "Tank, I need an exit – FAST!"
On the freeway, you yell at tailgaters, "Stop trying to hit me, and HIT me!"
When someone asks you why you are eating soup with a fork, you pause and reply mystically, "There is no spoon."
You now put a garden hose in the bathtub with you, so that when you get out, you can pretend you're unplugging from the Matrix
When walking down a crowded city street, you look upward and yell, "Freeze it!!.."
You search through the supermarkets trying to find Tastee Wheat to see what it really tastes like.
You renumber your apartment to 303, and your mailman can't figure out where to send your mail.
Your job resume simply reads: "I know kung fu."
Just before your dentist starts to clean your teeth, you stare excitedly at the overhead apparatus and blurt, "Jiu Jitsu? I'm gonna learn Jiu Jitsu?!"
You actually think any of this is funny
You walk into the airport terminal and the security guards ask you to remove any keys, change etc, and you open your coat to reveal a large arsenal of semi-automatic waterguns.
Originally posted by General Kaliero
In public, you sporadically pretend to dodge imaginary bullets in slo-mo.While riding a crowded elevator, you suddenly scream, "Tank, I need an exit – FAST!"
On the freeway, you yell at tailgaters, "Stop trying to hit me, and HIT me!"
When someone asks you why you are eating soup with a fork, you pause and reply mystically, "There is no spoon."
You now put a garden hose in the bathtub with you, so that when you get out, you can pretend you're unplugging from the Matrix
When walking down a crowded city street, you look upward and yell, "Freeze it!!.."
You search through the supermarkets trying to find Tastee Wheat to see what it really tastes like.
You renumber your apartment to 303, and your mailman can't figure out where to send your mail.
Your job resume simply reads: "I know kung fu."
Just before your dentist starts to clean your teeth, you stare excitedly at the overhead apparatus and blurt, "Jiu Jitsu? I'm gonna learn Jiu Jitsu?!"
You actually think any of this is funny
You walk into the airport terminal and the security guards ask you to remove any keys, change etc, and you open your coat to reveal a large arsenal of semi-automatic waterguns.
😂 😂 🤣 🤣 🤣