Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
(Pregnant Elizabeth is discovering carrying in groceries is more a hassle than usual)
Elizabeth: (knocking with her arms full of bags) Hello? Will? Junior? (fumbles for her key. A bag breaks open and some cans spill out) Oh, f*ck me!
(A whistling Teague walks by)
Teague: Hark! Do I hear the sound of frustration? (runs into a telephone booth, comes out looking exactly the same) What seems to be the problem, Pirate King?
Elizabeth: I need some help carrying these groceries in. Hold these while I find my key.
(She unlocks the door. Jack conveniently walks by)
Jack: Hey! What's this? Whenever I needed help with anything, you'd tell me to suck it up and be a man and yet when Lizzie needs you to just hold something, you feel like being a gentlemen?
Teague: (pulls gun on Jack) Sparrows are not gentlemen, boy.
Elizabeth: (door opens) Finally! (takes bags) Thanks, Teague. Hi, Jack. You can both come in if you want.
(Teague and Jack look at each other. They try to squeeze through the doorway at the same time)
Teague: Where is Mr. Pirate King?
Elizabeth: Don't know. (sees note on table) 'Dear Sugarloaf.' Uh....that's code in case someone should break in.
Jack: You two used to be cool. Well, YOU used to be cool.
Elizabeth: 'I'm out getting new school supplies with Junior. Apparently, he decided the best way to defend another kid's honor in class was to tear his supplies to shreds and hurl them at the bully. He's a chip off the old block. We'll be back soon. Will.'
Jack: (peers in the bags) Ooh, Hawaiian Punch! (gives Elizabeth a sad puppy face)
Elizabeth: Go ahead and pour yourself some, Jack.
(Jack claps his hands and pours himself a glass)
Teague: Well, this is a nice house, with a child in it already and another one on the way. Happy marriage, good friends...this is getting a little too domestic for me. Teague away! (pretends to fly out door)
Elizabeth: Was he always like that?
Jack: No, you see, before he got this superhero complex, he was just an ass.
(Elizabeth cracks up, and then makes a face)
Elizabeth: Oh!
Jack: Oh, I'm sorry. Hawaiian Punch, love? Not as good without the rum, but whatever.
Elizabeth: No, I...I think I just felt a kick.
Jack: Quite so?
Elizabeth: (laughs to herself) It sure is. Will Jr. felt the same way.
Jack: Can I...(makes awkward gesture)
Elizabeth: Jack, it's too early for someone to feel it on the outside.
Jack: Bugger.
Elizabeth: (suddenly looks afraid) Jack! You can't tell Will it kicked while he wasn't here!
Jack: Why not? Not as though I could feel it, which means unless years of being on the Dutchman have made all his senses particularly acute, which I doubt, then he wouldn't be able to feel it either.
Elizabeth: It's not that. He's been trying so hard to make up for not being here when I was pregnant with Junior. If he knew he missed a milestone like this, it would crush him.
Jack: I like crushing people. Makes me feel big.
Elizabeth: I'm sure Katie would say you were big.
Jack: I...oh, that's the perverted Pirate King I know.
(Will comes in with Junior)
Will: Look! I picked up KFC!
Junior: He wouldn't let me hold it, said I would just peel the skin off.
Will: That was what you did last time.
Junior: One time, Dad!
Elizabeth: You're just in time to help me put away the groceries before we can eat it.
Jack: (like a little kid) Lizzie bought Hawaiian Punch!
Will: Don't you have a home?
Jack: I do. I thought I would come in for a drink using this (looks at mug) "Indianapolis Brickyard 400" mug.
Will: Who do we know that's been there?
Elizabeth: I don't know. (they all look at it) What is that doing with our cups? Junior, do you know where we got that?
(They catch him peeling the skin off a chicken thigh)
Junior: No.
Will: Good Lord! (runs over to the door leading into the dining room. There is a note attached to the door via a knife)
Jack: Now that's what I call penetration.
(Will takes note off and reads it)
Will: "If you ever want to see Kate Beckinsale again, you will bring 1 million euros to the Indianapolis Speedway. To prove we're not bluffing, look under the mug."
(Jack cringes and slowly turns the mug over)
Jack: I hope it's not a body part. (mug is all the way over)
Elizabeth: What is it?
Jack: It's a note that says, "We're not bluffing." All right. I'm off. Junior, peel a skin off for me.
Elizabeth: Jack, wait! We'll help you!
Will: I'll help him. You're in no condition to be fighting now. You're not even supposed to get your heart rate over 150.
Elizabeth: Will, we're doing this as a family. We all need to get Katie back.
Will: All right. Send word out to James, Gibbs, and Barbossa. We'll need their help.
Jack: And whatever anyone does, we do NOT tell Captain Teague about this. (puts hand out)
(Will, Elizabeth, and Junior put their hands in. It's a very campy moment, but hey, I love the trio.)
Junior: Hooray! I'm off on an adventure with my parents and Uncle Jack! Just like the stories you guys told me. (catches himself) Don't worry, Uncle Jack. Katie's tough. She'll be all right.
(Jack doesn't say anything. They all go out the door. Jack is loading his gun as they go.)
ummmim friends with potc2003 i know her personally...
ummmm potcfan2003 is in disneyworld right now and yeahh.. shes probably gunna go crazy knowing that i wrote this so if you're wondering where she is yeahh shes gone..
Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
(on the high seas, our heroes are on the Black Pearl. Elizabeth is walking up and down the deck)
Will: How are you holding up?
Elizabeth: (leaning over rail) I managed to avoid getting on a ship when I was pregnant with Junior. I didn't think I would get this si...(throws up over edge)
Will: Is there anything I can do?
Elizabeth: Sure. Pull the little one out now. (walks down below decks)
Will: (to himself) Hormones, Will. Hormones.
(Barbossa comes up)
Barbossa: Just why are we sailing to the Indy 500 anyway? No race goin' on till May, and pirates ain't exactly the types of sorts what negotiate with kidnappers.
Will: You're one to talk about kidnapping. (holds out briefcase) This is what we tell them the one million euros is in. When we see Katie unharmed, we give it to them, back away...and then just shoot them.
Barbossa: Shooting. I like it.
Gibbs: (comes up) I have me doubts about such a plan. Doesn't anyone want to know why?
Barbossa and Will: Why?
Gibbs: The Indy 500 boasts some of the most infamous villains around- celebrities.
Elizabeth: (from below decks) Did you say celebrities?
Gibbs: Yes, I did. Celebrities attend the Indy 500. If any of them have taken Katie, herself a celebrity, they may be more dastardly than we know. Just the other day, it was foretold a new b*tch-goddess would ascend the title of Spoiled Princess Type. And ye know what happened? Nicole Richie had a baby girl!
Elizabeth: Oh, that's right. She named her Harlot.
Gibbs: Harlow, dearie. They mean different things.
Will: So you're saying your theory is that celebrities kidnapped Katie?
Gibbs: Tis me theory, yes, based on the lore of the famous Hollywood sort. But best not be tellin Jack none of this. Cap'n's out of sorts as it is.
(Camera pans to Jack at the helm. He has the helm in one hand and his compass in the other)
CUT to...the 500 museum in Indianapolis.
(Katie is tied to a chair. She is unharmed. A shadowy figure approaches her)
Person: Here's some wheat-grass juice for you. (puts bottle up to her lips)
Katie: (spits it out) Are you stupid? Not every celebrity does the fad diets. I want some beef jerky and a Dr. Pepper!
Person: Now, now, Katie. Watch that temper. I should have remembered from filming you were a spitfire.
Katie: Filming? I know you from a movie? How could you do this?
Person: Let's just say my partner and I were made to look like idiots in our film while you got nothing but positive reviews.
Katie: I guess we didn't work on Van Helsing together then. Not my best work. But I still want my jerky. I have this craving for beef.
Person: We have to stay here. I have a feeling we'll be very rich from a certain Mr. Turner's book royalties and a certain Mrs. Turner's high-profile Pirate King position.
Katie: Will and Elizabeth? You dragged them into this? (a horrible thought comes to mind, then she smirks) I guess you forgot about Captain Jack Sparrow.
Person: (slaps her) Don't ever mention that name! Thinks he's so great and he doesn't even have any money. (starts to go for the door)
Katie: Wait! Don't leave me alone down here!
(Person returns with some jerky)
Katie: Mmm, thanks. Why did you get this for me?
Person: Oh, because you wanted it and I...(snaps out of it) Damn! (smacks the jerky out of her mouth) Tried to pull a fast one, didn't you? (storms out)
Katie: (to herself) Who have I worked with that's a complete and utter moron? So many names....
Back on the Pearl...
(Junior is trying his hand at the helm. Jack is nearby making sure they stay on course)
Junior: What body of water are we traveling on to get to Indiana, Uncle Jack?
Jack: Don't sweat the small stuff, kid. Any self help guru will tell you that. Commodore!
(James appears with Sailor.)
James: What?
Jack: You will cast out the nets to find provisions for this evening...that means food.
James: I'm a commodore! Before I died I was an admiral. Get someone else to catch your fish.
Sailor: Oh, let's do it. It will increase intimacy.
James: How?
(Half an hour later)
Sailor: (crying) I smell and these fish smell and I'm hungry and have to wait for them to be cooked.
James: (puts arms around her) There, there, Sailor. It's all right. (kisses her tenderly) I'm so very proud of you.
KMC Community Forums
Jan 6th, 2008 05:22 AM
thank you to Mrs.Fish for the siggy!!
what time do you have now?
ummmim friends with potc2003 i know her personally...
