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my new poems
Started by: XvampbenjiiX666

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Lara
Belladonna

Gender: Female
Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy

in some respects he is considered a great writer, although not by myself. He was purely an example of metaphore and imagery. big grin

how are you my dear?


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be who you are not what they want you to be!

blessed be x

Old Post Aug 1st, 2008 09:06 AM
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Sancty
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Gender: Female
Location: -

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Lara
in some respects he is considered a great writer, although not by myself. He was purely an example of metaphore and imagery. big grin

how are you my dear?

I'm not a fan. Had to study him last year and did not enjoy it. o.o I looove Edgar Allan Poe though.

I am great. happy And you?


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taft

Old Post Aug 1st, 2008 10:39 AM
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Lara
Belladonna

Gender: Female
Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy

yeah not to bad thanks big grin


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be who you are not what they want you to be!

blessed be x

Old Post Aug 1st, 2008 11:26 AM
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chillmeistergen
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by Lara
in some respects he is considered a great writer, although not by myself. He was purely an example of metaphor and imagery. big grin

how are you my dear?


Is he? I've never heard of him being regarded as such.

If you wanted to use a good modern poet, who is also taught at GCSE level - you could have probably found a Heaney poem with great examples of metaphor and imagery within it.


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"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." - Holden Caulfield

Old Post Aug 1st, 2008 04:53 PM
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King of Blades
The King

Gender: Male
Location: The South

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Lara
Constructive criticism is a form of communication in which a person tries to correct the behavior of another in a non-authoritarian way, and is generally, a diplomatic approach about what another person is doing socially incorrect. It is 'constructive' as opposed to a command or an insult and is meant as a peaceful and benevolent approach. Participatory learning in pedagogy is based on these principles of constructive criticism.

Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others with the intention of helping the reader or the artist, rather than creating an oppositional attitude. An art critic can also be a champion of a new artistic movement in the face of a hostile public (e.g. John Ruskin), using scholarship and insight to show the value and depth of a new style. Critics might even champion a wholly new art medium; for instance the century-long critical struggle to have photography recognised as a valid art form.

There can be a tension between constructive and useful criticism; for instance, a critic might usefully help an individual artist to recognise what is poor or slapdash in their body of work - but the critic may have to appear harsh and judgemental in order to achieve this.

Criticism: An evaluation, both good and bad, based on prior knowledge.


I'm not taking sides here. I just think if your going to be arbitrary, be arbitrary...

quote:
There can be tension between constructive and useful criticism; for instance, a critic might usefully help an individual artist to recognize what is poor or slapdash in their body of workóbut the critic may have to appear harsh and judgmental in order to state this. But useful criticism is a practical part of constructive criticism.

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Bardock42
Way to jump in when it is all over.

And yes I am aware...


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Last edited by King of Blades on Aug 2nd, 2008 at 03:55 AM

Old Post Aug 2nd, 2008 03:52 AM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

enough bullshit here...this place is for writing and 'constructive' criticism...


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Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Aug 30th, 2008 09:07 PM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

Ereshkigal's wrath
the beautiful ereshkigal, satan's pride
often spride her legs far and wide
mortals often used her as a nymphetamine
for she built an anger none has yet to seen
the murder soon to come, she was calm as night
souls in carpathia moaned, knowing what comes with dawn's light

ereshkigal, the blackened heart
is genocide thine greatest art?
asphodel eyes, eve's body, satanic mind
a combination that took aeon's to find

the pain felt through veins, boils like rage
the apocalypse is soon coming for this age
moon blood red, the sky caves in
all beg the pitiful enslaver to forgive their sins
ereshkigal stands on the tower of babel, killing all of the world
all hear her voice over the thunder "bow down to the real lord!"

luciferian fires line the once blue skies
the chaos dimms out the mortal cries
death fouls the air, making ereshkigal smile
no mortal knew of something so vile so evil

deathknells are wrung throughout the land
mortal time runs low on sand
lightning cracks the ground, splitting a whole to damnation
they look to the sky seeking foul salvation
mortals cringe when they hear ereshkigal's laugh
never knowing why they died of her wrath


__________________

Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Sep 3rd, 2008 04:07 PM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

The filth in her womb

the heart once filled with love, now is filled with lust
pink flesh often pale, turned to ashes and dust
Ereshkigal, ruler of the new destroyed world
shown what happened when a hate is unfurled
lust filled her mind, making thy find a dark knight
asking what remaining men "art thou not filled of fright?"
those foolish men whom agreed never again seen the day
for those whom didn't agree , no one can say

the tattered veil, showing signs of filth in her womb
makes Ereshkigal sleep happily in her cracked tomb
the father of the demon ,dead, lied on a deserted throne
rats feeding and nesting in rotting flesh, maggots growing in bone

months go by, the filth grows more and more
mortals fear what may come, straigh to the core
the time draws near, all heard are deathknells
they sit around in a group like cast under spells
a month to go for Babylon's whore, Midian's pride
the foolish sit and wait, the foolish hide
the filth in Ereshkigal's womb shifts with anticipation for the dawning doom
time is up! the filth claws through the stomach, escaping it's mother's womb

it was no Snow White, Ereshkigal's spawn
freeing itself on a bloodred dawn
the eyes likeit's mothers', so filled with lies
a smile that fills the moonlit sky with cries

it was a girl fully grown, whom hungered meat
dragging foolish men to her bone ridden retreat
falling in love with scattered bodies of the dead
laughing, dancing with a mortals disembodied head
happily finding a real love, she takes her mother's hand
and sits next to her throne, becoming queen of the land


__________________

Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Sep 3rd, 2008 04:08 PM
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Lara
Belladonna

Gender: Female
Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy

interesting, however I find that in some places it doesnt make much sense where you've tried to use rhyming couplets. I like it though, its very visual.


__________________


be who you are not what they want you to be!

blessed be x

Old Post Sep 8th, 2008 01:44 PM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

...just demos as of now...but thank you


__________________

Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Sep 9th, 2008 05:54 PM
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chillmeistergen
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You really ought to stop using words in your poems just to make the rhyme scheme work, it makes for a very horrible read.

Also, I know you're into satanism and darkness and all that, but it doesn't make for very good poetry. Well, it does, just not the way you do it, check out Paradise Lost, or something. All in all, I could have read this in the lyrics from some mediocre death metal band's song.


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"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." - Holden Caulfield

Old Post Sep 10th, 2008 12:54 AM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

look them up then...tell me if you find them from some mediocre death metal band, piece of shit


__________________

Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Sep 10th, 2008 03:38 PM
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Bardock42
Junior Member

Gender: Unspecified
Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves

quote: (post)
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
look them up then...tell me if you find them from some mediocre death metal band, piece of shit
He didn't mean that you stole them. He said they are similar in skill and tone.


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Old Post Sep 10th, 2008 03:48 PM
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chillmeistergen
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
look them up then...tell me if you find them from some mediocre death metal band, piece of shit


Why is it that you have the reading comprehension of a toddler?


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"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." - Holden Caulfield

Old Post Sep 10th, 2008 06:39 PM
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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

I must admit, I do like to read poetry, but I find it a struggle to read this.


I can appreciate it though.


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Old Post Sep 12th, 2008 01:55 PM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

quote: (post)
Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Why is it that you have the reading comprehension of a toddler?


why is it that you have something against me?


__________________

Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Sep 12th, 2008 03:39 PM
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chillmeistergen
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
why is it that you have something against me?


I just think of you as a dull, wannabe satanist whose last brain cell apparently died of loneliness.

Has nothing to do with your poetry, though, that's what I was critiquing, which you misunderstood (somehow).


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"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." - Holden Caulfield

Old Post Sep 14th, 2008 10:34 PM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

...wannabe satanist huh...thats a first


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Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Sep 15th, 2008 12:52 AM
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The Grey Fox
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I think you should write about something less dark for a change. Dark imagery only works really well when used more subtly (imo, at least), so perhaps you should write some stuff away from the things you seem to relate yourself to the most.

Also, if you can't find a good word to use that rhymes, just leave it. I think poets who concentrate less on rhyme and more on feeling and atmosphere put out a lot better stuff than poets who think rhyming is the most important thing to focus on.

Apart from that, just read Bardock and chill's posts, they seem to cover most of the vital stuff you should think about.


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Old Post Sep 15th, 2008 03:02 PM
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Dyno
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Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

yeah, angry, bloodsucking, giblet munching,cat sacrificing and necrophilia isn't attractive, despite Satan having told you to do it.


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Last edited by Dyno on Sep 15th, 2008 at 05:57 PM

Old Post Sep 15th, 2008 05:50 PM
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