Got a good joke?
I'm bored and there might already be a thread out there like this somewhere, but does anyone hae any funny jokes? I got a few
Two old men were talking on a park bench. After awhile one said "By the way, how's your wife?"
"I think she might be dead"
"What do you mean?"
"Well the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up"
I like it better when the other muffin says HOLY **** A TALKING MUFFIN
I cant post my jokes i know im not like racists or ne thing but all my jokes r race related just because i memorized a million of them i got white jokes and stuff also but a majorty of my jokes will offend so i am not going to post them
You shouldn't have started this D
I have to break open My email now...
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy
leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let
them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks,
"And how much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and
replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $300.00 in cash and
screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't
come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the
CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want
to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers
mutters "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
A guy was in a serious accident and lost his ears to it but got a huge settlement.
So the guy always wanting to start a business sends out a flyer asking for someone to help him start one up.
So the first guy walks in and the interview goes great and the guy meets all the qualfications. But for the last qeustion the man with no ears has gotten emotional of his loss and assk do you notice ne thing differnt about me and the man goes yea now that u mentioned it u dont have ne ears. The guy flips out tell him to leave
The second guy walks in goes even better then the first interivew but again the man asks at the end of it do u notice ne thing differnt about me. And the guy replys yea u have no ears. and he gets pissed again throws him out.
So finally the third guy walks in and this guy is better then them all so the finally qeustion once again was do you notice ne thing differnt about me. and he goes eya you got contacts. and the guy goes wow that is very observent how did u know that. And the man goes WELL YOU CANT WEAR GLASSES U DONT HAVE NE EARS 😂
Last one is best...
In Honor of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
++++++ On packaging for a Rowenta Iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)? +++++++
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and..I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere