ok i got a lot .. its gonna be a long read
Whats grosser than gross?
Dreaming about eating chocolate pudding and waking up with a spoon in your butt.
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I guy is visiting Germany. He goes to rent a horse so he doesnt have to walk. He asks the guy how much the horse is.
"Horse?" replied the guy.
"yeah, the Horse right there." said the guy pointing to the Horse.
"oh, its 5 bucks to rent. But we call them an Ass down here. This one is a special one, u must scratch it or it wont stop."
The man goes on his way when he sees a hot dog stand.
"how much for a Hot Dog?"
"a what?"
"A hot dog"
"oh, u mean weiners, 3 bucks. The man goes to sit on a bench to eat his hot dog. He sits next to an American lady, when he relizes his horse is getting away.
He says to the lady "Quick, hold my weiner while a scratch my ass."
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4 Presidents are on a plane. George Washington, Lincoln, Franklin, and George W. Bush.
" im gonna make one person happy" said Washington, and he threw a doller bill off the plane.
"im gonna make 1 million people happy" said Lincoln and he threw a million dollers of the plane.
"im gonna make the whole world happy." said Franklin, and he threw Garoge Bush off the plane.
I had more jokes in my mind, but i lost them when i was typing this. If u want jokes.. go to
There were these two rednecks going hunting. Jim and Bob. They left their RV one afternoon, and after about half an hour, Jim said, "Hey man, I hafta take a shit". "Alright, go shit, I'll meet you back at the RV" replied Bob.
So Jim hung his ass over a log and pinched a couple of loafs. He sat there a while, and fell asleep, with his ass still hung over the log.
Bob got lucky, and nailed a deer. As he was dragging it back to the RV, he saw Jim and decided to have a little fun. He gutted the deer and placed it's intestines under Jim's ass. Then he went back to the RV and took a nap while he bled the deer out.
After about another half hour, Bob was startled awake by bloodcurdling screams, and he ran out of the RV, "What the hell is goin on out here??" He said.
"I hung my ass over a log to take a shit, and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw that I shit my guts out! But by the grace of God and a greasy stick, I got them back in."
alright this ones long but worth reading trust me
whilst enjoying a drink with a friend one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he would like to come back to her place.
The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her place they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it.
finally, the guy rolls over, pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and seaches for his lighter.
unable to find it he asks the girl if she has one at hand.
"there might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.
opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally, the guy begins to worry "is this your husband?" he inquires nervously.
"no silly" she replies snuggling up to him
"your boyfriend then?"
"no dont worry" she says nibbling away at his ear
"well who is he then?" demands the bewildered bloke
calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "that would be me before the operation"
There was this Hilbily who had 7 kids and he was running out of money. So he goes down to a doctor and asks him what he should do. The doc says well you can always get fixed. The Hilbily says na that would cost too much do ya have another solution. The doc answers there is another way all you have to do is put a cherry bomb in a can and count to ten. So the hilbily puts a lit cherry bomb in a can and counts on his fingers 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5... puts the can between his legs 6.. 7.. 8.. 9.. 10.. boom!