the clintons go to a ball game and they sit in the nose bleed section. a row behind are the c.i.a agents. 1 of the agents comes and and wispers into bill's ear. bill thinks and throws hillary off the balcony and she dies on impact. bill sits back down and the agent returns and says mr.president you misunderstood i said it was time to THROW THE FIRST PITCH!
ok this one took me a while to get but i re read it and got it, its hilarious once u get it
a small town farmer had 3 daughters. being a single father he tended to somewhat over protective of them. when gentlemen came to take his daugthers out on a date, he would greet them with a shot gun to make sure they knew who was boss.
one evening all of his daughters had plans. the doorbell rang, the farmer got his shotgun and answered the door. a young gentleman said, "hi im joe, im here for flo, were going to the show - is she ready to go?" the farmer frowned but decided to let them go
the doorbell rang again a few minutes later, the farmer got his shotgun and answered the door. a young gentleman said "hi im eddie im here for better, were going to get spaghette - is she ready?" the farmer frowned but decided to let them go
the doorbell rang again after a couple of minutes. the farmor got his shotgun and answered the door. a young gentleman said "hi im chuck.." and the farmer shot him.
kool i want a book lol
an old man told his doctor, "i dont think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be what should i do?"
the doctor replied "try this test first, when your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. if she doesnt respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you"
he went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. standing fifteen feet behind her he said "whats for dinner honey??"
hearing no reply he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question
still no reply so he moved to five feet and finally he stood directly behind her and said "honey whats for dinner tonight?"
she turned around and yelled in his face "for the fourth time I SAID CHICKEN! you deaf old fart!"
lol thats messed up, and if the one about the prisoner gave u bad images read this one lmao my friend just told me it
these two gay guys are ****ing when the one giving says to the other, "hey i'll be right back, just don't cum without me". so the guy leaves. a short while later he comes back, only to find jizz everywhere! he says, "i thought i told you not to cum without!". the second guy says, "i didn't i farted."
o get this one this cracked me up but its long
a husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interupts "honey could u fix the light in the hallway? its been flickering for weeks now" he looks at her and says angrily "fix the light? now? doest it look like i have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? i dont think so!"
"well could you fix the fridge door? it wont close right" and he replied "fix the fridge door? does it look like i ahve westinghouse written on my forehead? i dont think so!"
"fine" she says "then could you atleast fix the steps at the front door? they are about to break" he says "im not a dang carpenter and i dont wanna fix the steps, does it look like i have ACE HARDWARE on my forehead? i dont think so!"
"ive had enough of you im going to the bar!!" so he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours and he starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home and help out
as he walks into the house he noticed the steps are already fixed. he enters the house and sees that the hall light is working. as he goes to get a beer he notices the fridge door is fixed. "honey how did all this get fixed?" he asks. she says "well when you left i sat outside and cried, just then a nice man came along and asked me what was wrong and i told him. he offered to do all the repairs and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake him a cake"
he says "so what kind of cake did u bake him?" she replies "helloooooo...do you see betty crocker written on my forehead? I DONT THINK SO!!!!"
lmao check this one out
joe was talking to his buddy at the bar and he said "i dont know what to get my wife for her b-day..she has everything and besides she can afford to buy anything she wants so im stumped"
his buddy said "i have an idea - why dont u make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled" so thats what joe did
the next day at the bar his buddy said "well? did you take my suggestion?"
"yes i did" said joe. his buddy asked "did she like it?"
"oh yes! she jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling 'ill be back in an hour!!'"