Originally posted by DanZeke25
Darn.. i was gonna post that one.. Ill post a few.Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"None. I had a perfect marriage."
"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.
"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.
"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."
Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.
"What's wrong?"
"I just saw my wife."
"So?"
"She was riding a skateboard."
you took my joke!!!
Bill Clinton walks into the doctors office and tells the doctor that he has this weird circle around his penis. The doctor prescribes several creams and medications for him. After the final failed product the doctor is about to give up when he realizes he has one more cream he can give Bill Clinton for his condition. Three days after the prescription Bill calls to tell the Doctor that it worked and asked what it was he prescribed. The doctor responds "Lip stick remover."
a Blond walked into a store to buy a Television. She told the Clerk "I want to buy that television." the clerk said "Sorry, we dont sell to blondes." So the blonde comes in the next day with her hair dyed black. She tells the clerk she want to buy the TV. Once again he says that they dont sell to blondes. So the next day the blond came in with purple hair. Once again she tells the clerk about the TV and Once again he says that they dont sell to blonds. "How do you know that I am a Blond?!?!" asked the Blond. "First i came in with black hair, then purple, but you still know that i'm a blonde. I just want to buy that television." "Well first of all," said the clerk, "thats a microwave."
Q: why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: she wanted to see what was on the other side
Q: how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: none they only screw in bed
Q: how do you kill a blonde?
A: put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
Q: how do you kill the blondes daughter?
A: while the mother is in the water tell the daugther to give her mother CPR
Q: what is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: big foots been spotted
Q: what is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: Grand Old Duke "HAD" 10,000 men
Q: what does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: they're both empty from the neck up.
ok here's a blonde story
16 blondes and 1 burnette all decided they should climb Mt.Everest. Well they were on a 90º side of the mountain. the rope that was holding them started to snap, so one of the blondes said "one of us will have to let go for the rest of us to move on!" so all the blondes start arguing who will drop. the burnette finally says "ok just listen ill let go so you can all continue" then all the blondes start clapping.
thanks i know lots of blonde jokes like..
Q: how do you know a blondes been in your refridgerator?
A: there's lipstick on the pickles
Q: how do you know a blondes been on the computer?
A: theres white out on the screen
Q: how do you get a 1 armed blonde out of a tree?
A: wave at her
Q: did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husbands car?
A: she burned her lips on the tailpipe
lol nice 😆 ok this isnt a blonde joke but whatever its still funny
this old couple lived together and the old man was starting to get worried about his wife so he goes to the doctor one day and says to the doctor "im concerned about my wife's hearing dr., what do i do?"
"ok we're going to test her out first, stand 20 ft. behind her while she's cooking dinner and ask her what's for dinner, every time she dont answer move in a little closer"
so the old husband goes home. while she is cooking dinner he decides he will try it out. he stands 20 ft. behind her and asks "what are you cooking honey?" she doesnt answer
he moves in 5 ft. and asks "what are you cooking honey?" she still dont answer
he moves in 5 more ft and asks the same but still no answer
once again he moves 5 more ft so now hes 5 ft behind her, still no answer to his question
finally he is right behind her and he asks "what is for dinner honey?" and she turns around and yells "FOR THE 4TH TIME, IT'S CHICKEN!"