Originally posted by Mîski can do that too
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=358520&highlight=jokes+riddles
watch
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=358520&highlight=jokes+riddles
Originally posted by -hh-
A man and a woman walk into a very posh Fifth Ave furrier.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier discreetly whispers to the man, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for ,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"
"Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged, "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!"
"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"
😆 😆
I heard the version where it was about fine jewelry. 😛
Originally posted by -hh-
A rat and a mouse walk into a very posh Fifth Ave bin.
"Show the mouse your finest crap!" the rat exclaims.So the owner of the bin goes to the dumpster and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length piece of crap. As the mouse tries it on, the crapper discreetly whispers to the man, "Ah, sir, that particular crap goes for $650,000,000,000,000,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a rat thing!"
"Very good, sir." says the bin owner. "Today is the day of your first borns death. You may come by on the day of your last borns death to pick it up, after the rat thing has cleared."
So the elephant and the giraffe leave. On the day of their last borns death, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged, "How dare you show your beak in here?! There wasn't a single apple in your rat thing globe!"
"I just had to come by," cried the falcon, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"
😆 😆
My edited version.
Pope and the Limo
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope clibs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. (Remember, he's a German Pope.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, But the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and
gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur. 💃
The Duck and the Condom
Two honeymooning ducks are staying in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, “We don’t have any condoms. I''ll call room service.” So he calls and asks for condoms.
The receptionist says, ''''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?'''' ''''No,'''' he says,
''''I''ll suffocate!''''
Originally posted by lanie
Pope and the LimoAfter getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope clibs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. (Remember, he's a German Pope.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, But the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and
gets on the radio."I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur. 💃