Michael Jackson and 6 kids were on a private plane. After a couple hours, the co-piliot comes out and says that the plane is going down and they have to evacuate. The pilot shows Michael where the parachutes are. Michael grabs one and realizes there is none left.
"What about the kids?" asked Michael.
"F*ck the kids." replied the pilot.
"You think we have time?"
The Official LOL Thread.
Curtisy of --SS. (That's me)
The thread where you post jokes. Cause so many ppl want to make individual threads. I've made on big one to save space.
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. Sure enough, at midnight the nun shows up and begins praying. The hippie jumped out from hiding and says, "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must have sex with me."
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!"
😆
Originally posted by Koala MeatPieI did a seach.
Oh god, I won't even bother posting the link to searched keyword : Joke or Jokes
Another:
Little Johnny was seven years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.
"Sis and her boyfriend sat down and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her. I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must of thought so too because he put his hand inside her shirt to feel her heart, just like a doctor would. Except he's not as good as a doctor, because he seemed to have an awful hard time finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt to warm up. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick... a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. Honest! anyway, he grabbed it in one hand and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!
Anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting his head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go..I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissors lock on it. And he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel.. I knew it was dead because it hung there limp and some of its guts were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats... they have nine lives or something.
This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was really dead this time because I saw Sis boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet."
Mother fainted.
Originally posted by Spideys Sister
I did a seach.
I don't think you did: