Random Comments

Seriously, am i the only one who ordered the salad?

Yeah, my wife is also my sister who’s also my cousin who’s also my niece.

Our family tree is a pretzel.

I must shake their clammy hands and listen to them make small talk; smile as they discuss how much they hate Wednesdays.

He’s like a big, sexy Michelle Kwan.

Hey chair. Get ready to meet your new best friend! My ass.

Here is what i picture...i enter in a Fellini style outfit, your mother is dressed like a porcupine.

This is a level 1 situation. I’m a level 2 at best. And you, you’re not even a level. Not. Even. A level.

I have all the soul of a label maker.

Oh dear GOD, she’s on that all corn diet again, isnt she?!?

Lets open up that mini bar, and i’ll show you how Godzilla gets drunk.

It didnt work. Now i have more kittens.

Remember to pick up some ear plugs before i come over, because i really indersold how terrifying my night screams are.

Thanks for reminding me. You dont see me mentioning how he burned his junk off.

Mutants that contain random motion.

Happy birthday, you think I forgot?

You’re gonna need to buy some bigger underwear if we’re gonna share.

Can you stay out of your kitchen for the next 48 hours? I’m gonna be skinning a deer there.

Oh, and put up some of those plastic sheets, cuz i have no idea how to skin a deer!

There were so many sad things in that sentence, but i think the winner was “Cincinnati”.

Dont you ‘one minute’ me, grandma, i will break that finger OFF!