I would like to stick with Minging Myrtle if possible, Myrt The Squirt for short.... but Ho Bang is pretty good 😂 Or maybe Hoe Thang? She's a whore, who likes to show off her hussilicious thang 🙄
Whatever, the story can be as flexible as you like... I really only want the Houses and Lessons to stay exactly as I made them. Character names can be changed.
"Oh my god!' exclaimed Fred "This the best batch we've ever made...' "I'll say' said George lustfully. "I’ve seen weird shapes and sh-- float out of the walls before, but never a goddess like this.' Just then Neville walked in. “Hey, why the 'ell are you two standing over in the corner? You selling or what, mate?" "Tweaking' Giggled George. "Yeah, well give me two ounces of golden leaf' demanded Neville, but it was no use. Fred and George were fried. They were capable of little more than drooling on themselves and staring at Minging Myrtle who was now cross for being mistaken as a hallucination. "Sorry boys, but window shoppers aren't appreciated. I'll take my business elsewhere' snapped Myrtle. "What would they have paid you with? Cheap dope?' asked Neville incredulously. "With their hard thick sausages I should think' pouted Myrtle. "The Weedley brothers are the worst! Even you'd cum with me.' said Myrtle suggestively with a half smile as she floated across the room toward Neville. "Don't think so, luv. I have a hot date scheduled with Herpionme after I pick up some o' the good stuff. Our weed blew across the quiditch field and we're in serious need of a fix' explained Neville. "Well then it's going to cost you!' exclaimed Myrtle as she floated closer to Neville. "No time for that now luv, but I'll put you on my 'to do' list.' said Neville airily. "Do you know what that hussy of yours is doing right now? Having the time of her life with Harry Pothead in his bed chamber. You don't want to waste your time with a tramp like her, now do you?' said Myrtle jealously. "It's better than wasting my time buggering with a bloody ghost. I'm just here for the bloody weed, but since I'm not able to buy it, I'll take what I want, and leave' spat Neville as he hopped over the counter and began looting the Weedley brother's supply. "Here now, what’s all that noise from over there? You’re ruining the moment.' said Fred. "I'm stealing your best sh--' cried Neville. "Be quiet, mate, you're scaring the goddess' said George. “Bollocks!’ exclaimed Neville. Neville wasn't scaring the 'goddess', he was making Minging Myrtle furious. Myrtle had never felt a murderous rage of this sort before. Without thinking she’d grabbed Neville by his ankle and carried him to the top of the ceiling where she dropped him to his death on the stone floor below. "Little bugger shouldn't 've scared the goddess' said George reproachfully.
By now the HubblyPuff quiditch team was very drunk and plotting it’s revenge on the BaccyTins. “They humiliated us, they beat us like foster children with their brooms, and they caught the golden snatch- that we can forgive, but the BaccyTins got the weed, and that we can’t forgive. I say we get even! So who’s with me?’ cried HashBrick Dickery (Cedric Duggory). “I AM’ screamed an enthusiastic Zacharias Spliff (Zacharias Smith). “SO AM I’ screamed another HubblyPuff player. It was quickly decided that the whole team would risk being expelled to take revenge on the BaccyTins. “Listen up’ cried Hashbrick. “We’re going to dust that weed they took from us on the field with some dirty heroine I bought from a pusher on 3rd. It’ll make ‘em sh— blood for weeks. Does everyone understand?’. The HubblyPuffs lit up their bong wands in recognition. “Good, I knew that I could count on you lot!’ exclaimed Hashbrick proudly.
Back in Harry's bed chamber Herpes had just finished him off, and was beginning to pull her robes on. “Time to mow the grass.’ said Harry. He took a hit and tried to hand the bong to Herpes, but she didn’t take notice. Herpes started for the chamber door looking both disoriented, and reluctant. "So who is he' asked Harry. Herpes turned quickly and looked at Harry as though shocked out of a trance. "Who is he?' said Herpes. "The bloke you're leaving me for' cried Harry. "Oh, him…' said Herpes. "Well?' asked Harry. "Neville StrongPott' replied Herpes in a manner to convey her dissatisfaction with her own decision. "But why?' pleaded Harry. "Because I'm pregnant, and he's the pop' cried Herpes. "No bloody way in hell…' cried Harry. He looked at her for a moment as though he were expecting her to laugh and tell him it was a joke. "Get an abortion' Harry demanded. "It's not that simple, Harry. Last week I was with a client that put a curse on me so I could never get pregnant again.' she wailed. Who would've done that?' asked Harry angrily. "Lukius Malpoy, and if I have an abortion I'll never be able to have a baby again' sobbed Herpes. "This is f---ed up' declared Harry as he stormed out of the Spliffindor common room stoned, stark naked, and mumbling to himself. How could this be happening to him. A perfect high ruined because the sexiest girl in his class is dumping him to date the class clown! It just wasn’t fair. Harry needed something strong to kill this anguish, and he needed to get it quickly. “God, I hope the poppyjuice potion we made in Minging Myrtle’s bog last month is still good.’ he said to himself oblivious to the presence of Ramafist Crack’s ghost. At last, this was the opportunity Ramafist had been awaiting. He would have his revenge.
The antidote had finally kicked in. Fred and George knew they had a very real problem on their hands. Not only had their goddess turned out to be an irate ghost, she covered their best product in blood when she killed Neville. Neville had been short, but corpulent. The force of impacting on the stone floor had split his skull open, and splattered blood far and wide. The Weedley brothers had a lot of work ahead of them, and they reluctantly set about cleaning it up. “That bloody wanker was trying to pilfer our supply, George!’ cried Fred. “Good thing Myrtle took him out then wasn’t it? replied George. “Are you bat sh--? Look at this blooming mess! Who’s gunna buy this then?’ asked Fred as he held up some blood soaked hash he had been cleaning. “Well he bloody well got what he deserved’ cried George. “Yes, and now we're losing major bank to clean up the blood what Myrtle got on the product’ Fred snapped. “Don’t blame Myrtle. You were the one in charge of mixing the hallucinogen.’ growled George. “Oh so now this is my fault is it?’ roared Fred “That batch is too strong anyway we look at it. We can’t run our business while we’re fried! Beside mate, I don’t like you talking bad about my woman’ explained George. “Oh bloody brilliant!’ Spat Fred. Fred was sorely tempted to continue the argument, but that would hurt productivity. He was a business man first, and every customer to whom they were unable to sell product was a potentially lost customer. If he had a row with George now, it would hurt business.
Harry kicked open Myrtle’s stall door and looked around. “Good she’s not home’ he thought to himself. The poppyjuice potion which had been a deep shade of purple had turned a medium shade of burgundy, but Harry was too upset to notice. He grabbed the syringe wand they had stashed in the tank, and tied off his arm. This was going to be great. This was sure to blow his mind. “And done!’ thought Harry. The euphoria was almost instant, but then he began to feel something else as well. “My damn arm’s gone numb’ he screamed. This was turning into a bad trip fast, his skin was turning purple as he crumpled on the floor and began to writhe. “What the hell is happening to me?’ he cried. “Oh your poppyjuice potion, Pothead? I’m afraid that I pissed in it.’ said a cold voice emanating from the next stall. “Lord BaldySnort?’ (Voldemort) wheezed Harry as he lay helpless on the floor a few feet from the man who killed his parents by selling them bad crack. Crack that had nearly killed him as a baby through his mother’s breast milk. “I’ve been lurking in this girl’s loo for quite some time now, Pothead. I’m a pervert you see. I came here to release the bongaspliff, but the Chamber of Toilets will no longer open since Bill Cosby placed a hex on the bog. I’ve been forced to send my servant RapeandEnjoy out to steal the chocolate pudding. I told the little wanker that I’d put his parents in a German scheisse film if he failed’ explained BaldySnort. “But why do you want to kill me? choked Harry. “My dear boy, I’m a sadist, that’s what I do’ said Lord BaldySnort airily. “How could you have possibly known that I was coming here to shoot up?’ Harry demanded. “Ramafist Crack’s ghost discovered my presence shortly after he failed to score with Minging Myrtle. It’s shocking, but apparently even she has standards. I was busy wanking over a toilet seat while dreaming of impregnating 14 year old virgins…’ “Virgins in THIS school? Heh, you were dreaming!’ Harry interrupted. “…when Ramafist barged in to warn me of your impending arrival.’ continued BaldySnort. “Ramafist knew that I’d jump at the chance to snuff the legendary Harry Pothead, and now I’ve got to film your death.’ Harry lay on the cold floor defenseless and unable to get away. “Perfect way to end my life. First Herpes dumps me for a loser, my buzz wears off, and now I’m going to die naked in a girls loo while my enemy films it!’ Harry said sardonically as he clutched his stomach in pain. His voice failing him as the Dope Lord (Dark Lord) stood over him. But then something truly unexpected occurred. A sudden, and extremely loud crash came from behind them as Shagrid burst through the wall- ripping out a few of the toilets, and flooding the floor. “GET TEH BLOODY ‘ELL OFF ‘ER ME!’ bellowed Shagrid. Shagrid was screaming like a banshee, flailing his arms wildly, and knocking students and teachers that were trying to hold him down across the room. “OVERDOSE! SOMEONE CONJURE UP SOME ICE! GET HIM IN THE SHOWERS!’ screamed Professor Slate. Shagrid took a giant swing at Slate, but slipped on the now wet stone floor missing by mere inches. His swing carried on striking Lord BaldySnort. With a single swipe of his gigantic hand, Shagrid had splattered Lord BaldySnort like a roach against the wall. That was the last thing that Harry saw before he blacked out.
The BaccyTin’s were having one hell of a party from what HashBrick could see. Toilet paper roles were flying through the air like birds, and rolling papers were strewn over the common room tables. “The BaccyTin’s must have a secret place they stash their supply so they don’t get busted when the cops raid ‘em’ whispered a HubblyPuff beater. But there was no use in whispering, nor in sneaking around as their presence wasn’t masked by anything other than the intoxication they got off the cough syrup they stole from the Potions classroom along the way. Still that wasn’t about to stop them from taking revenge. “What the bloody ‘ell are you lot doing ‘ere?’ cried RapeandEnjoy. The whole team froze in place staring at him not daring to move for fear of being seen. After about two full minutes of staring straight at the HubblyPuff’s, RapeandEnjoy decided he was too hungry to even care, and set off for the main hall to score some peanut butter. The HubblyPuff team was relieved that they hadn’t been detected. They continued their search of the BaccyTin common room. After about 12 minutes HashBrick exclaimed “I’ve found it’ loud enough that a few BaccyTins took notice, but were too stoned to comprehend what was happening. Apparently the BaccyTins hid the weed on a large table where everyone could plainly see it. The HubblyPuffs each took a dime bag of the pot and then carefully dusted the remainder of the green sticky wad with the heroine HashBrick had provided. “Nearly four twenty, it won’t be long now. The BaccyTin’s are ritualistic about getting baked on time’ said HashBrick as they crept back out the main entrance just as they had entered. “What the ‘ell are they on?’ asked one BaccyTin to another, “I dunno, but whatever the ‘ell it is I want some’ came the reply.