you say you read me liek a book but the pages are all tattered and torn -many things
kill yourself go-ahead see if i care but let me take that gun knife and rope off you first - cant remeber
remeber friends dont let friends drive drunk screw that !! i say give em the keys rev up the engine and let the drive hoem with a bottle of tequila in there lap - foamys rant V
subtley subsistance is suicide exercise adn malutrition keeps curves tight coz all that matters is what outside so say every magazine cover that galantly assault are own woman and childern but its not my fault its never my fault - the mathces sick little sucide (great song )
oooo, I rock at these:
If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
--George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
--Robert Frost
You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.
--Geri Jewell
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
--Erma Bombeck
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
--Bill Vaughan
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
--Unknown
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
--Unknown
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
--Rita Rudner
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
--Woody Allen
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
--Albert Einstein
The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.
--Unknown
People who never get carried away should be.
--Malcolm Forbes
When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken
--Unknown
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
--Noelie Altito
I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs.
--Nancy Reagan, former First Lady
I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams, Author, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with.
--Rodney Dangerfield
I just thought of something funny...your mother.
--Cheech Marin
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
--Ken Dodd
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear
--J.B. Morton
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil
--Paul Getty
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
--David Letterman
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
--Robert A. Heinlein
Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus; they plan to call it mass transit
--Robert Tanner
When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress!
--Unknown
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
--Lisa Claymen
A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.
--Stan Laurel
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool
--Edgar Watson Howe
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
--Unknown
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
--Franklin P. Jones
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
--Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
--Joel, 14, Advice from Kids
Heheh I found some more...
"Treat me like an angel and I'll be your lil' devil."
Crazy is a relative term in my family!
Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Boys make good pets!
Princess in training!
At least I can still smoke in my car
Caution, Blind Man Driving.
"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."
All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!
"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan
"No BLOOD no foul."
"Life's an Ocean, Sail It"
"We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip
Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies)
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~
Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.
"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."
"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"
If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough
Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.
I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.
"Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road."
I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last
Silence is silver, but music is gold...
Lifes Tough, get a helmet!
loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Ax Me About Ebonics.
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
Boldly Going Nowhere.
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A BLONDE.
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"
"i'm not tailgating, i'm keeping up with the pace car"
Roadhead cures Roadrage...
Tell your girlfriend I said thanks
" WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless. "
normal people worry me
you say physco like it's a bad thing
those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do
This delinquent is having sex with your honor student.
Save the environment...plant a Bush back in Texas.
"Your faith in yourself is all you will ever have. Don't let anyone take it away from you ever." ~ Holly Marie Combs
don't regret doing things, regret getting caught
None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all
"my tears for you are like dark chocolate- bitter sweet and probably no good for me."
"it takes a player to shoot a shot.. but it takes a team to win a game " - penny anae
everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE
Anger is one letter short of danger.
One death is one too many.