Originally posted by bella mia
Why?...Are you afraid of her?
She seems pretty nice to me considering she throws people in hell a lot.eat
I here you have to bring your own popcorn.
No I'm not afraid of her, she put me in hell, but I got away… 😱
Popcorn? No, jury set up a popcorn stand in hell, now you can get all the popcorn you want. 😆
New Joke time...
A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures that since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God again and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?"
God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."
A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.
After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man," answers the priest.
"I'll be damned," the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologizes. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?"
"Oh, I don't have it, Father. It says here that the Pope does."
Some have been wondering where Ive been at
whoo what a weekend. Friday we took the boat to Denmark and returned back Sunday morning.................what a party we started at the pub back home travvelled to the boat, the boat left at 08:45 pm Friday and arrived in Denmark 07:00 am Saturday morning.... we found a pub that was open at that hour!!!!!!!!! and kept it going until we reached Stavanger again 08:00 Sunday morning.................hmmm have I lost some sleep, well didnt cathc any between Friday and Saturday got about 2 hours from 06:00 pm-08:00pm on Saturday and then we were at it again................. I crashed in the bed at home Sunday morning and slept until I had to go to work Monday only woken by my daughter every hour or so .................. even today I feel kind of dizzy I know when im off work its right back to bed to sleep................
so any new jokes