Lance's Mindless Ramblings

--Why are all barns red?

--Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?

--Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV?

--Why are there dents in a golf ball?

--Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?

--How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

--When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?

--What would happen if u put a humidifier and a dehumdifier in the same room?

--Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?

--If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use dissapear because they didn't exist then?

--How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?

--Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

--If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

--If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

--Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars

--If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

--If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

--If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

--What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

--What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

--Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

--When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

--What do mermaids eat?

--If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?

--If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?

--If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?

--Is atheism a non-prophet organization?

--If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

--If a policecar, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away?

--Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?

Stay tuned for more of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

Cuckoo.

Lance are you exstremly bored??

And I am bored enough to tackle some of them!

The time machine thing rather depends on how time travel works...

Not all nations are in debt, but to answer the spirit oif that question, it seems to assume that countries are the only things that can own money. Obviously enough, they aren't. Country debt is often owed to corporations, their own public sector, or simply the people in their country.

If you are in Hell and you are mad at someone... maybe that explains why you are in hell...

Lance, may I ask if mail trucks seriously get right of way where you come from?

😂

This is like the messages you won't find in a fortune cookie. 😂

hmm...

Dangerous and disturbing this questions are...

Begun the Mindless Ramblings have...

isn't this somesort of questions III like Julie had those?

almost

yes or no, there is no almost

-- Why doesnt Lance wear a straitjacket when Yers has too?

because I'm cold and I've put them all on at the same time

My attorney has advised me not to attempt to explain any of those things without getting a large advance sum of money.

*takes out monopoly-game*
will you accept hotels too?

Round 2 of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

--Are there female leprechauns?

--Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?

--Do fish sleep?

--Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?

--Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?

--Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

--On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?

--Do pigs pull ham strings?

--Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?

--Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"?

--Why do people say heads up when you should duck?

--Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?

--Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?

--Why do they call the clock where you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks?

--Why does blow and suck mean the same thing when we describe something being crap?

--Can dogs have dog days?

--When a male is elected president and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?

--If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?

--Do birds pee?

--Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

--Why do they call it 2% milk, if its 2% fat, not milk?

--What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?

--If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?

--Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?

--If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?

--If you own a piece of land and there is a volcano on it and it ruins a nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?

--If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

--If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?

--Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?

--Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?

--How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

--Have ex-cowboys become deranged?

--Have ex-drycleaners become depressed?

--How do you throw away a garbage can?

--Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?

--Why do old men have hair in their ears?

--Why are things typed up but written down?

--Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

--In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

--If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?

--If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

--What does OK actually mean?

--What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

--Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?

--Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?

--Why do donuts have holes?

--Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?

--Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?

--Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?

--If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?

--If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

--If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

--Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?

--Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?

--Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?

--How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

--Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?

--Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?

--If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?

--If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?

Stay tuned for more of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

"When a male is elected president and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?"

Bill.

1 yes
2 no
3 yes
4 no
5 no
6 a little
7 the space has another ASCII code, comes before the A
8 yes
9 don't know the dude
10 only in america
11 they do the opposite here..
12 he forgot to tuck it in (a link to Tarzan, actually)
13 if you throw good enough
14 it times how long you work
15 you want to blow it up because it's bad
16 what are they?
17 first lad
18 officially on February 29, but unofficially 1st of march
19 no, there moisture is in theire poodoo
20 depends with wich part they are connected
21 abreviation
22 "I think I have a headache"
23 no
24 no, that name is not allowed here
25 it doesn't
26 no
27 you can't see through everything
28 yes
29 english... sigh...
30 because they make a cracking sound when you eat them
31 2183
32 not necesarrily
33 not all of them
34 with your hands
35 because they think they are the best
36 because they get a hormone that accelerates this
37 the screen is up, but you put your pencil down to write
38 you give care to someone, or you take care to someone
39 they have to finish the catarn they started
40 no
41 a bigger place
42 typical question... forgot it though
43 Kwik
44 it's an emotion you spontaniously give to a color | red
45 you can, actually
46 when they were made, they've put a stick through it to get it out of the oven
47 the point of concentration on both machines are different
48 it's too high to hear
49 the thing that gives them the color tastes too
50 the last day
51 a hard place to life in
52 different: pessimist/optimist
53 because you say bye twice since the first time the engine might overrun it all
54 no
55 arm handcuffed to his pants
56 lucifer was an angel too, same deal
57 because it stays wet
58 no
59 no, they don't want power

Lance, you get these from sw.c forums? because most of them I recognise...

Lance has too much time to think up this stuff. *plugs Lance's ears to keep questions from leaking out* 😄

Thanks keo. Glad you showed up and saved the day.

Ush - good one !

Round 3 of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

--If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?

--Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?

--Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?

--Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running forward?

--If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?

--Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?

--How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?

--Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

--Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?

--Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?

--Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?

--Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

--If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?

--How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?

--Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

--Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?

--If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

--How did the headless horseman know where he was going?

--Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?

--Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?

--How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?

--Do cows drink milk?

--Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?

--If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

--Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??

--What is a male ladybug called?

--Why are 'semi'-trucks bigger than regular trucks?

--Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

--If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation?

--How fast do hotcakes sell?

--If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

--Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

--Does the President have to pay taxes?

--Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?

--If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?

--If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

--Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?

--If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

--Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Lance, you get these from sw.c forums? because most of them I recognise...

Stay tuned for more of Lance's Mindless Ramblings

go to your room, lance. NOW, and stay there, please. 🙄 😠