Chuck "The Badass" Norris [Merged]

Originally posted by BackFire
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

😆

In an attempt to follow in the steps of Dolly Parton, Chuck Norris attempted to open a theme park. Unfortunetly the idea was cast asunder when the name "Norriswood" was already used to name his penis.

Mr. T once pitied a man so hard that his soul ate itself and he shrivelled into a little ball of human effluence.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris will eat your soul for a Klondike Bar.

Mr. T invented mathmatics to record how many fools he's pitied.

Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Once, Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and Vin Diesel all entered the same room at the same time. The sheer force of their combined presence resulted in time stopping for seven days while God attempted to recreate the world.

Gods real name is Vin T. Norris.

Mr. T travelled back in time and flew over several countries just so he could pity the guy who first discovered Fools Gold in person. Naturally, the pity inflicted on him caused his face to explode.

Originally posted by Mišt
Once, Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and Vin Diesel all entered the same room at the same time. The sheer force of their combined presence resulted in time stopping for seven days while God attempted to recreate the world.

hahaha, that one's awesome.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris once cut down a mighty redwood using only his penis. He was not erect at the time.

Mr. T once took a crap at a party in New York City. Afraid of being killed if you flushed it, people left it alone. The poop sat in that toilet for nine months. That is how Puff Daddy was born.

Everything tastes like chicken because its Chuck Norris' favorite food.

Originally posted by BackFire
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

😆

Growing up, Chuck Norris got into fights every day at school. His grandma told him that he shouldn't be so violent. So he roundhouse kicked her face.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

During the 60's Mr T was drafted for Vietnam. In the armory he asked only for a loin cloth and a rubber knife.

There are no weapons of mass destruction, just Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest. Chuck Norris won by picking up the whole table of hot dogs and eating them all in one bite, leaving none for his competition. To help the hot dogs go down easier, he ate the 400 pound fat guy next to him. Chuck Norris was then banned from eating hot dogs or fat people ever again.

The only thing stronger than kevlar are vests woven out of Chuck Norris' chest hair.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

An object at rest tends to stay at rest until it comes in contact with a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.