Would the fact that, the girl you wanted badly had a boyfriend, stop you?

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I don't think the same thing would happen because I wouldn't give her the choice to do so cause a choice wouldn't present itself. I won't give her any reason not to leave me unless she wants to leave me for some personal hidden reason I cannot control.

And what woman would want to dump a guy she likes alot. Cause I know she'll like me alot. If she'll take me. i duno, not saying she will. Maybe she will maybe she won't I hope she will. I'm not gona force her to be with me. i just wana let her know how I feel. I'm not gona seize her. i just wana let her know that I'm here. For her. Sure I have my agenda she doesn't know about, and thats to have her as my girl, but she'll get it soon enough. I think it would be insensitive of me to just come out with it especially with what she's apparently going through. She's not gona make the decision herself. I already know how I'm gona approach the situation. I'll be casual and subtle about it.

no, the responsible thing to do would be to just tell her.
by being 'casual and subtle' about it, according to what you've been saying,
would entale more head-shaking and sneers and simply making her situation worse. the hell with suberfuge. next time you catch her alone just tell her.
and leave it at that if nothing comes of it.

just because you think she's miserable doesnt give you the right to sabotage.
thats the big difference. so yeah, find her alone, tell her, and leave it at that...unless of coarse she does decide to leave him.

Originally posted by PVS
no, 'selfless' would mean no hope for personal gain. selfless would be if you know you didnt stand a chance with her but still did everything you could to help her. would you be so concerned and ready to help if you knew you didnt stand a snowball's chance in hell of getting with her?

So what are you saying. Help her but just totally bury my feelings for her. Like forget about pursuing anything with her. She is cool and I do want to help but i like alot her too. So..i should just do one thing and not the other cause it's the noble thing to do? Cause i would seem "selfish". Cause it would seem like im taking advantage of the situation and her? Dude, if she was never with him, id still be interested. Im not that bad guy/ snake your making me out to be.

I have weighed the situation and of course I'll be sensitive to her feelings and i'll put her first cause I want her to be happy but i want to try at something with her if it's possible.Nothing wrong with that. Im gona intervene because of 2 reasons. Because she can do better with or without me or him and secondly, because i'm attracted to her. If she says no it's understandable. But to say that trying to equate helping her with me liking her alot is bad then hey, I guess that my new name.

Originally posted by PVS
no, the responsible thing to do would be to just tell her.
by being 'casual and subtle' about it, according to what you've been saying,
would entale more head-shaking and sneers and simply making her situation worse. the hell with suberfuge. next time you catch her alone just tell her.
and leave it at that if nothing comes of it.

just because you think she's miserable doesnt give you the right to sabotage.
thats the big difference. so yeah, find her alone, tell her, and leave it at that...unless of coarse she does decide to leave him.

What, just tell her I like her and an interested in being with her. That's to sudden and direct. Not my style. I won't take forever, I just want her to know I'm around in that way. Then when she's comfortable enough with me and with me saying that then. She'd probably be like "wtf?" if I did that. I always see her but I haven't spoken to her in like a month. And i don't wanna come of as desperate either.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
So what are you saying. Help her but just totally bury my feelings for her. Like forget about pursuing anything with her. She is cool and I do want to help but i like alot her too. So..i should just do one thing and not the other cause it's the noble thing to do? Cause i would seem "selfish". Cause it would seem like im taking advantage of the situation and her? Dude, if she was never with him, id still be interested. Im not that bad guy/ snake your making me out to be.

I have weighed the situation and of course I'll be sensitive to her feelings and i'll put her first cause I want her to be happy but i want to try at something with her if it's possible.Nothing wrong with that. Im gona intervene because of 2 reasons. Because she can do better with or without me or him and secondly, because i'm attracted to her. If she says no it's understandable. But to say that trying to equate helping her with me liking her alot is bad then hey, I guess that my new name.

no, you are blending points together.

i said:

1-IF SHE IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP-then it is incredibly selfish to think about your own gain. if you saw her in a burning car wreck would you sit there and think "hmmmm....i could save her and then she'll fall in love with me..." or would you instinctively help her?

maybe you're just not wise or knowledgable enough to know, but abusive relationships are quite serious. dont just tag that word onto one who neglects.
being neglectful may make someone a prick, but abuse is a whole other ballgame, and is mostly NOT related in any way to neglect, but rather compulsion and control.

2-you cannot claim to be selfless when you have something to gain from your actions, which is a great part of your motivation. just a general point, grounded in common sense.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
What, just tell her I like her and an interested in being with her. That's to sudden and direct. Not my style. I won't take forever, I just want her to know I'm around in that way. Then when she's comfortable enough with me and with me saying that then. She'd probably be like "wtf?" if I did that. I always see her but I haven't spoken to her in like a month. And i don't wanna come of as desperate either.

could it be that you're scared to tell her?
nothing to be ashamed of, but if so you should
acknowledge it. maybe you should write her a letter?

and if she's like 'wtf' then that means she doesnt want
to be with you, correct? if you're going to take a risk,
than do it at your own expense. a leap of faith if you will.
at least then you will be telling her how you feel and at
the same time respecting her current relationship however
failed it may be. dont just be a friend with an agenda,
unless your willing to have her as a friend even if she
would never get with you. thats kinda cheesey and most
girls can sniff that out a mile away ✅

Originally posted by PVS
no, you are blending points together.

i said:

1-IF SHE IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP-then it is incredibly selfish to think about your own gain. if you saw her in a burning car wreck would you sit there and think "hmmmm....i could save her and then she'll fall in love with me..." or would you instinctively help her?

maybe you're just not wise or knowledgable enough to know, but abusive relationships are quite serious. dont just tag that word onto one who neglects.
being neglectful may make someone a prick, but abuse is a whole other ballgame, and is mostly NOT related in any way to neglect, but rather compulsion and control.

2-you cannot claim to be selfless when you have something to gain from your actions, which is a great part of your motivation. just a general point, grounded in common sense.

I wont answer that question cause it was basically an insult to my intel but. Ok, I may have been extreme in my use of the word "abuse". because it's what it looks like to me. And thats ontop of the fact that the private side is unknown. He may very well be "menatally abusing" her. Maybe I'll come to find that out. I think what I mean may lie in between mental abuse and neglect. All indications point to it. i don't ever see him publicly acknowledge her ever at all, she changes every time he's around, she not as enthusiastic as she is when he's not around. She Is Not happy With Him, Dude I know it. She rarely smiles when she's with him and our group. Somethings gotta be going on. Severe or not.

And I told you, I'm not expecting her to say yes to me, I hope she does. How can I look at it as something to gain when I know the possibly of not gaining her at all is apparent.

Originally posted by PVS
could it be that you're scared to tell her?
nothing to be ashamed of, but if so you should
acknowledge it. maybe you should write her a letter?

and if she's like 'wtf' then that means she doesnt want
to be with you, correct? if you're going to take a risk,
than do it at your own expense. a leap of faith if you will.
at least then you will be telling her how you feel and at
the same time respecting her current relationship however
failed it may be. dont just be a friend with an agenda,
unless your willing to have her as a friend even if she
would never get with you. thats kinda cheesey and most
girls can sniff that out a mile away ✅

Im definitely not scared to tell her how I feel and what I think. But I like the idea of writing her a letter.

And I think any girl would say "wtf?" if all of a sudden any guy they see only every so often, comes out of no where and expresses how he feels about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

And i'd still be her friend if she said no. I'd be kinda bummed out but it doesn't mean I'll stop saying hi to her. I'd just move on bury my feelings and hope how I felt about her in that way, dissolves. But I like the letter idea alot.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I wont answer that question cause it was basically an insult to my intel but.

well good, because that question was rhetorical. just driving a point home with regards to a selfless act. an analogy.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North

Ok, I may have been extreme in my use of the word "abuse". because it's what it looks like to me. And thats ontop of the fact that the private side is unknown. He may very well be "menatally abusing" her. Maybe I'll come to find that out. I think what I mean may lie in between mental abuse and neglect. All indications point to it. i don't ever see him publicly acknowledge her ever at all, she changes every time he's around, she not as enthusiastic as she is when he's not around. She Is Not happy With Him, Dude I know it. She rarely smiles when she's with him and our group. Somethings gotta be going on. Severe or not.

ffs ANY relationship may or may not be abusive. many you would never know because they put on a happy face and pretend everything's just fine.
there IS no place that lies between neglect and abuse in a relationship. its apples and oranges. as i said, abuse is a product of obsession. you cant just create your own idea of what is abuse and label it. thats as bad as blindly accusing someone of rape imho.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
And I told you, I'm not expecting her to say yes to me, I hope she does. How can I look at it as something to gain when I know the possibly of not gaining her at all is apparent.

i dont feel like repeating my point on true selflessness since it was quite simple and elementary. as far as the possibility, the reason you are taking the chance is the possibility that you will succeed and gain. you're hope for that reward is what drives you. thats not selflessness. its not bad either, but dont call it selfless.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Im definitely not scared to tell her how I feel and what I think. But I like the idea of writing her a letter.

And I think any girl would say "wtf?" if all of a sudden any guy they see only every so often, comes out of no where and expresses how he feels about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

And i'd still be her friend if she said no. I'd be kinda bummed out but it doesn't mean I'll stop saying hi to her. I'd just move on bury my feelings and hope how I felt about her in that way, dissolves. But I like the letter idea alot.

well of coarse she would be surprised. and you probably wouldnt get an immediate answer. may take a long time in fact. but you would be accomplishing everything you are capable of accomplishing in one move, while expressing self confidence and spontainuity. which btw works far better and commands more respect and admiration than following her around like a dog looking for a bone.

Originally posted by PVS
well of coarse she would be surprised. and you probably wouldnt get an immediate answer. may take a long time in fact. but you would be accomplishing everything you are capable of accomplishing in one move, while expressing self confidence and spontainuity. which btw works far better and commands more respect and admiration than following her around like a dog looking for a bone.

I don't get get it. What are you saying that I should come out of no where and expresses how I feel about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

If thats what you meant, even in the least then, na..It may be the way you do it, but it's not my approach. i dont know how any guy would be capable of accomplishing everything he's capable of accomplishing in one move by being that direct as soon as that without at least making yourself really known to her just for the first few initial times.

What I was thinking was saying hi and talking to her more often now the first few times, and of course i'd be genuine about it. Then i'd write the letter. And everything on it would be direct.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I don't get get it. What are you saying that I should come out of no where and expresses how I feel about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

If thats what you meant, even in the least then, na..It may be the way you do it, but it's not my approach. i dont know how any guy would be capable of accomplishing everything he's capable of accomplishing in one move by being that direct as soon as that without at least making yourself really known to her just for the first few initial times.

ok, then she's not your friend, but rather some chick you said "hi" to a couple of times. you would get far better and more productive advice if your information was not so cryptic 😖 have you also considered the fact that by extention that means you dont know her?

Originally posted by FistOfThe North

What I was thinking was saying hi and talking to her more often now the first few times, and of course i'd be genuine about it. Then i'd write the letter. And everything on it would be direct.

i guess that works. good luck

Originally posted by PVS
ok, then she's not your friend, but rather some chick you said "hi" to a couple of times. you would get far better and more productive advice if your information was not so cryptic 😖 have you also considered the fact that by extention that means you dont know her?

like i know her, i have spoken to her before. Were not strictly on a hi and bye basis it's a bit beyond that. like she knows my name, i guess. She's was my "American Foreign Policy" class last semester. Her and her guy (when ever he wants to) hang out with us. She's friends with some chicks I'm friends with.

I'm mean don't have it to where I can just pop up and say "hey, what'd ya do yesterday." lol Maybe a "Hey. How's it going?" or "How'r things goin today?" may work. I guess were not deep deep friends but were cool.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
..what woman would want to dump a guy she likes alot.

Come on, bottom line, attention-seeking aside, if the chick is being abused...tell someone who is in a better position to do something about it.

If you just have a hard-on for her, let it go. Move on.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Come on, bottom line, attention-seeking aside, if the chick is being abused...tell someone who is in a better position to do something about it.

If you just have a hard-on for her, let it go. Move on.

Im the best man for the position as much as you don't like it. Besides, I know you of all people don't know what I'm talking about. Go take a cold shower. I'll go get the girl.

😎

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Im the best man for the position as much as you don't like it. Besides, I know you of all people don't know what I'm talking about. Go take a cold shower. I'll go get the girl.

😎

see? needy kids come to kmc posting threads in the GDF looking for advice. you take the time to give them the most sound and sane advice possible. and they say "you all dont know what you're talking about".

well why the f*** exactly did you ask then?

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Im the best man for the position as much as you don't like it. Besides, I know you of all people don't know what I'm talking about. Go take a cold shower. I'll go get the girl.

😎

Wow, that was kinda off.

What the hell would I care if you were or were not the best man for the job? It makes zero difference in my life. Look, I tried to be helpful. I shared my opinion of the situation, even after it ballooned into all this nonesense.

And if the "you of all people" comment is supposed to hurt, me being gay is hardly relevant. People are people. And I'm willing to bet that my experience with both sexes would come in handy. Just do it or don't! Don't piss and moan for four pages and then say you're off to slay the dragon! That's total bullshit. Odds are, you'll sit there with your pud in your hand, wishing. Just do something, or don't!

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Odds are, you'll sit there with your pud in your hand, wishing.

bullseye

blindly posting without having read any of the replies, only the title of the thread.

hasnt stopped me before.

Originally posted by PVS
see? needy kids come to kmc posting threads in the GDF looking for advice. you take the time to give them the most sound and sane advice possible. and they say "you all dont know what you're talking about".

well why the f*** exactly did you ask then?

Maybe we should revert to the good old days of blasting them for seeking advice? Then, when that gets slammed, let's go back to offering help. Then, when that gets slammed....ah, hell.