WrathfulDwarf
THE LOOSE CANNON
Re: Unfortunately, Superman Returns Is Just Super-Bad. Here's Why.
Originally posted by Dr. Zaius
OK. Everyone release their collective breath. This movie is absolutely unforgivable! Not just disappointing, not just average, but terrible! As expected, the CGI was great--good thing too, because the story was nonexistent. Nonetheless, an iconic screen shot here and there does not a movie make. Here are but a few of the problems:1. The need for Superman's return is necessitated by the hero's 5 year leave of absence from earth, during which time, he presumably travels to Krypton in order to confirm its destruction. I say "presumably" since we never get to see any of this search, only a rehashed CGI effect of Krypton exploding. If you're going to use a return to Krypton as a plot device--and its an intriguing idea--develop it! Dont' leave it hanging there like an unzipped fly.
2. Lex Luthor is about as threatening as Star Jones in a verbal joust with Barbara Walters. The movie opens with him swindling an old widow out of her fortune. Are you shaking in your boots yet? Isn't this guy supposed to be the smartest guy on the planet? Sigh...I suppose the screenwriters, out of some misguided desire to one-up Hackman's original performance, decided complete emasculation of Superman's nemesis was the only route to go. Kudos on that guys! Oh yeah, and in case you missed the point that this guy has no penis, the movie made sure to show Parker Posey literally dump his "crystals" into the ocean. At least that was less painful than witnessing the relentless zinging of the movie's villain with "you're bald" jokes.
3. Lois Lane and Routh are as flat as pancakes. There is no emotional depth to the characters at all. I guess the writers realized this when they were penning the script because, a la "Family Ties", "The Cosby Show", "Phantom Menace", or "Full House", they decided to hide their faltering story by turning Lois Lane's 5 year old kid into a major character. As expected, this was typical bait and switch. Bring out the kid everytime we need a tear. And, for extra effect, lets make him speech impaired and only utter things like "Mommy, will he get better? I want him to get better."
Get my gun.
4. Luthor's plan to destroy Superman starts off well--steal Kryptonian technology and use it to conquer the world and kill Superman--but leaves something to be desired in the execution. Luthor uses a crystal from the Fortress of Solitude to create a new continent--one based on the crystaline geology of Krypton. OK, so far. What now? Build some kick-ass Kryptonian weapons? Revive some long-dormant Kryptonian A.I. that runs amok? Build a suit of Kryptonian battle armor to give Supes a run for his money? None of the above. If you said, kick back, smoke a cigar and play a couple of hands of No-Limit Texas Hold-Em, you'd be more on the right track. Yawn...
5. What else? Oh yeah. Lois has a live-in boyfriend played by X-Men's James Marsden. If only they had let Marsden unleash a well-placed optic blast to eleviate the mind-numbing boredom of watching him squirm from one insecurity complex to the next. I guess I can't blame the guy. If I knew my girlfriend's ex was the last son of Krypton, I'd probably be a little uneasy too. However, all sympathy for the character quickly evaporates as he is remorselessly turned into a Women's Sensitivity Seminar Poster Boy.
6. In the end, I didn't know what to be irritated by the most--the film's inability to engage me in any way by the story, or its heavy-handed attempts to endorse some limp-d--k vision of the sensitive, modern man.
There has been some recent attention surrounding the question, "Is Superman Returns a gay film"? I don't think "gay" quite hits the mark on this one. Rather, terms like "limp", "flacid",and "impotent" come to mind.
1. You completely failed to understand that the film was about having Superman return to earth and how much he was missed by the world. The expedition to Krypton was only a backdrop of the story. It was never intended to centralized the story of the film.
2. "Lex Luthor is about as threatening as Star Jones in a verbal joust with Barbara Walters." (rant #1) The Lex Luthor of this franchise is a minimal illustration of the true powerful Lex Luthor of the comic books. In this sense they did an excellent job by maintaining the image of the Lex Luthor from previous films. "Oh yeah, and in case you missed the point that this guy has no penis" (rant #2)
3. "I guess the writers realized this when they were penning the script because, a la "Family Ties", "The Cosby Show", "Phantom Menace", or "Full House"," (rant #3) If you paid close attention the kid is essential in the story. For as later in the film we discover his connection to Superman.
4. You didn't paid ATTENTION!!!!!! Lex wasn't originally intending to kill Superman! He tried to kill him after the FACT that he hear his return. His original plan was to steal the crystals from the fortress and then execute his plan since Superman wasn't on earth!
"What now?" you went with the notion of hating this movie and taking ANY flaws to blow them out of proportion. Nice try!
5. "If only they had let Marsden unleash a well-placed optic blast to eleviate the mind-numbing boredom of watching him squirm from one insecurity complex to the next. " (rant #4) The boyfriend character is NOT to be taken as part of the main characters. Here are the main characters: Superman, Lex Luthor, Lois Lane, The kid.
" Yawn..." yeah you putting me to sleep.
6. "In the end, I didn't know what to be irritated by the most--the film's inability to engage me in any way by the story, or its heavy-handed attempts to endorse some limp-d--k vision of the sensitive, modern man." (rant #5) This is completely a complain. You have no direct point to the movie. You're only posting your negative reaction.
I'm gonna level with you pretty clear right here and right now. You're welcome to disagree and post your thoughts in this forum. No one is going to stop you and if anyone tries I'll personally removed him. Criticism is welcome...however do expect to receive some criticism back. That's how things work. The film is a simple summer popcorn flick...if you were expecting an academy award winner and were disappointed....then by all means is your fault.
Feel free to read my review.
btw-avoid brainchild. I previously banned him for disorderly conduct and now has sour taste for me. Okie Dokie? you may continue...