oh, and we also need this scene:
RAGETTI
Well I say it was divine providence
what escaped us from jail.
PINTEL
And I say... it was me bein' *clever*.
Ain't that right, poochie?
[the dog goes to the bow, looking forward, keys in its mouth]
RAGETTI
?: Well how'dya know it ?weren't/?wasn't
divine providence what inspired you
to *be* clever? Anyways, I ain't stealin'
no ship.
PINTEL
It ain't stealin'. It's *salvagin'*!
And since when did you care?
RAGETTI
Since we're not immortal no more. We
gotta take care of our immortal souls.
PINTEL
You know you can't read.
RAGETTI
It's the Bible. You get credit for trying.
PINTEL
Pretendin' to read the Bible's a *lie*!
*That's* a mark against ya! Look! There
it is!
[the dog jumps overboard and swims toward shore]
RAGETTI
What's got into *'im*?
PINTEL
Must've seen a catfish. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
[both laugh, the dog reaches shore and looks back at them]
RAGETTI
Stupid mongrel!
[the dog on shore shakes off water, looks back at them, still
holding keys in its mouth]
[their boat capsizes in a wave, they wade ashore]
CANNIBAL ISLAND
beach
...
PINTEL
Come on! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha...
###
PINTEL
It's ours for the taking!
RAGETTI
Tide's comin', that should help. Well,
salvagin' is saving, in a manner of
speaking.
PINTEL
There's the truth of *it*! ###
[cannibal drums sound]
RAGETTI
Suppose we be'er... save it as soon
as we can. What with our souls in such
a vulnerable state, and all.
PINTEL
Amen to that.
oh we also need all of this: i hope someone is working on these LOL
[inside a cabin aboard the Edinburgh Trader, Captain Bellamy
is throwing documents down on the table]
BELLAMY
It's an outrage. Port tariffs, berthing
fees, *wharf* handling, and heaven help
us, pilotage. Are we all to work for
the East India Trading Company, then?
QUARTERMASTER
I'm afraid, Sir... Tortuga is the only
free port left in these waters.
BELLAMY
A *pirate* port is what you mean. Well,
I'm sorry. An honest sailor is what
I am. I make my living fair, and I sleep
well each night, thank you.
[a white dress floats by the cabin window, outside]
BURSAR
S-S-Sir!
[they all rush to the window of the cabin and look out]
[they all see the dress float by the cabin window, on its second
pass]
[one crewman gasps]
[the men go outside to see the dress that was floating by the
window]
[the dress floats like a ghost, its left arm raised as if pointing]
BURSAR
She wants you to... do something.
BELLAMY
She's tryna give a sign.
[the dress sweeps over a lantern, knocking it over and part of
the deck ignites]
BELLAMY
Over there! Look for a sign!
[the crew rush to the railing and look out at the sea]
[Elizabeth, up on the mast overhead, sighs in exasperation]
QUARTERMASTER
Look there! There it is. There's the
sign.
?BURSAR
That's seaweed.
QUARTERMASTER
S-Seaweed can be a sign.
?BURSAR
Looks like entrails.
?That ?would be a bad sign.
ELIZABETH SWANN
What's that over there?
[Elizabeth is now sitting on a platform on the deck behind the
men, pointing at the deck where the lantern fell]
[the men at the railing turn around and look where Elizabeth
is pointing]
[the fire burning on the desk spells out "Tortuga" in fiery letters]
Tortuga
[men are tied up with ropes alongside a well, camera pans past
the well]
[a man is tied up and being dunked in the well, and is spouting
water from his mouth]
[crowded tavern, glass bottles are being shot off of people's
heads for entertainment]
[a duo of musicians is playing a guitar and accordion]
GIBBS
And what makes you think you're worthy
to crew the Black Pearl?
ELDERLY MAN
Truth be told, I never sailed a day
in me life. I figure I should get out
and see the world while I'm still young.
GIBBS
You'll do. Make your mark. Next!
JILTED MAN
My wife ran off with my dog. And I'm
drunk for a month. And I don't give
a ass rat's if I live or die.
GIBBS
Perfect! Next!
ONE-ARMED MAN
Me have one arm, 'n' a bum leg.
GIBBS
It's the crow's nest for you.
[Jack is sitting alongside a wall, within earshot of Gibbs' table,
trying to make his Compass work]
JACK SPARROW
I know what I want.
GIBBS
Next!
ROMANTIC MAN
Ever since I was a little lad, I've
always wanted to sail the seas. Forever.
GIBBS
Sooner than you think. Sign the roster.
ROMANTIC MAN
Thanks very much.
JACK SPARROW
How we going?
GIBBS
Including those four? That gives us
- four!
[to the next candidate in line]
GIBBS
And what's *your* story?
NORRINGTON
My story... it's exactly the same as
your story, just one chapter behind.
I chased a man across the Seven Seas.
The pursuit cost me my crew, my commission,
and my life.
GIBBS
Commodore?
NORRINGTON
No, not anymore, weren't you *listening*?
I nearly had you all, off Tripoli. I
would have, if not for the... hurricane.
GIBBS
Lord. You didn't try to sail through
it?
NORRINGTON
So do I make your crew, or not? You
haven't said where you're going. Somewhere
*nice*!
[unidentified woman] Oh!
[the music stops, everyone stares at the altercation]
[Jack grabs a branch from a vase, carries it in front of his
face, attempts to walk out unseen]
NORRINGTON
So am I *worthy* to serve under Captain
Jack Sparrow?
[Norrington spots Jack sneaking off behind him, points a pistol
at Jack]
NORRINGTON
Or should I just kill you now?
[Jack ducks back and forth behind both sides of a large post,
as Norrington points his pistol at Jack]
JACK SPARROW
You're hired.
NORRINGTON
Sorry. Old habits and all that.
[unidentifed man, to Norrington] Easy, sonny!
[someone deflects Norrington's pistol upwards as it fires]
[the ball richochets off the chandelier, breaking a man's bottle
as he's drinking from it]
[the man whose bottle broke slugs a man next to him]
[the music starts back up as a brawl ensues]
[one man swings from chandelier, women fight, bottles are thrown
against the wall, etc.]
JACK SPARROW
Time to go?
GIBBS
Aye!
[a swordfight is going on]
[someone throws a bottle against the wall above the stairs, Jack
ducks as it smashes above his head]
[Jack makes his way upstairs, trading hats a few times along
the way]
JACK SPARROW
Thanks, mate.
[Jack slaps him on the shoulder, the man falls backwards off
the balcony]
[Jack halts to let two men carrying another man proceed towards
the edge of the balcony]
JACK SPARROW
Carry on.
Heave!
[the two men throw the carried man off the balcony, then Jack
continues on his way]
[the music stops, Norrington threateningly holds a bottle in
his left hand]
NORRINGTON
Come on, men! Who wants some? Form an
orderly line, I'll have you all one
by one. Come on, who's first?
and this one... gosh there are a lot left!
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
There's something to knowing the exact
shape of the world and one's place in
it, don't you agree?
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
I had you brought here because I thought
you'd be interested in the whereabouts
of your daughter.
MERCER
Most recently seen on the island of
Tortuga, then left, in the company of
a known pirate, Jack Sparrow. *And*
other fugitives from justice.
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
Including the previous owner of this
sword... I believe. Our ships are in
pursuit. and justice will be dispensed
by cannonade and cutlass, and all manner
of remorseless pieces of metal. I personally
find it distasteful to even contemplate
the horror facing all those on board.
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
Your authority as governor, your influence
in London, and your loyalty to the East
India Trading Company.
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
Shall I remove these shackles?
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
So you see, Mercer, every man has a
price he will willingly accept. Even
for what he hopes never to sell.
Also needs to be done.
Edinburgh Trader
BELLAMY
Strange thing to come upon a longboat
so far out in open waters.
WILL TURNER
Just put as many leagues behind us as
you can. As fast as you can.
BELLAMY
And what are we running from?
[Will sees Elizabeth's white wedding dress on a chair in the
cabin]
WILL TURNER
That dress. Where did you get it?
BELLAMY
It was found aboard the ship. The crew
it thought it was a spirit bringing
some omen of ill fate.
WILL TURNER
That's foolish.
QUARTERMASTER
Oh, yes. ?Proceededly foolish.
BURSAR
It brought good fortune! The spirit
told us... Put in at Tortuga. And we
made a nice bit of profit there.
?BELLAMY
Off the books, of course.
WILL TURNER
I imagine... some of your crew may have
jumped ship there.
BELLAMY
Why do you ask?
MESSENGER SAILOR
Captain, a ship's been spotted.
BELLAMY
Colors?
MESSENGER SAILOR
She isn't flyin' any.
BELLAMY
Pirates!
WILL TURNER
Or worse.
FLYING DUTCHMAN
deck
[Jones is on deck, having found the cloth that Will swapped for
the key]
[Bootstrap is held at knife point on board the Flying Dutchman]
[one crewman holds a sawfish sword as a restraining weapon in
front of Bootstrap]
DAVY JONES
You will watch this.
[crewmen are whipped, in order to turn a large screw that raises
the Kraken summoning device]
DAVY JONES
Let no joyful voice be heard! Let no
man look up at the sky with hope! And
let this day be cursed by we who ready
to wake... the *Kraken*!
[the Kraken calling device thumps heavily against the sea]
Edinburgh Trader
[crewmen on board the Edinburgh Trader rush to the railing, chattering,
to see the Flying Dutchman]
[Will is on top of the mast]
WILL TURNER
I've doomed us all. It's the Flying
Dutchman!
[a loud thumping sound resonates throughout the ship]
BURSAR
Oh, Mother Cary's chickens. What happened?
?QUARTERMASTER
Must've hit a reef.
[the crew look overboard, see bubbles rising up alongside the
ship]
?BELLAMY
Free the rudder! Hard to port, then
hard to starboard!
Clear the rudder!
Hard to port!
[a Kraken tentacle silently seizes one crewman while other crewmembers
have their backs turned]
[the Kraken tentacle surfaces in the distance, holding the crewman
who was just seized, he screams]
*Kraken!*
[crewman rings the ship's bell wildly]
###
[music stops, slow motion scene, a huge tentacle rises high over
the ship]
[the tentacle comes down on deck, breaking the ship in two, bouncing
men off the deck]
[slow motion scene, men slide off of tilted deck]
[Will is flung underwater, sees the body of the Kraken in the
distance underwater]
[Will surfaces, climbs aboard a floating board of ship debris]
[the Flying Dutchman comes near Will, Will slides off his board
to swim towards the ship]
[view from the bow of the Flying Dutchman, looking at the floating
debris, including a face-down corpse]
[Elizabeth's wedding dress is also debris, and floats on the
surface of the sea]
FLYING DUTCHMAN
deck
MACCUS
The boy's not here. He must've been
claimed by the sea.
DAVY JONES
*I* am the sea.
[Jones stomps over to Bootstrap]
DAVY JONES
You need time alone with your thoughts.
What of the survivors?
DAVY JONES
There are no survivors.
[the remaining crewmen are simultanenously axed from behind]
[Will witnesses the axing, ducks behind a beam]
[Jones turns around, sensing Will, but sees nothing]
DAVY JONES
The chest is no longer safe. Chart a
course to Isla Cruces. Get me there
first, or there'll be the devil to pay.
KOLENIKO
First?
DAVY JONES
Who sent that thieving charlatan onto
my ship? Who told them of the key? Jack
Sparrow.
Kate, you can email it to me, send me a private message and I'll give you my email. It's also free to start an account on fanfiction.net if you want to do it yourself. It's not hard and I could talk you through it. I've got this scene:
[inside a cabin aboard the Edinburgh Trader, Captain Bellamy
is throwing documents down on the table]
BELLAMY
It's an outrage. Port tariffs, berthing
fees, *wharf* handling, and heaven help
us, pilotage. Are we all to work for
the East India Trading Company, then?
Translation: All that time I've spent toying with being a pirate. Could come in handy now.
QUARTERMASTER
I'm afraid, Sir... Tortuga is the only
free port left in these waters.
Translation: So if you like fingernails in your drink and disease in your women, we've found a hot spot!
BELLAMY
A *pirate* port is what you mean. Well,
I'm sorry. An honest sailor is what
I am. I make my living fair, and I sleep
well each night, thank you.
Translation: Whatever helps me sleep at night.
[a white dress floats by the cabin window, outside]
BURSAR
S-S-Sir!
Translation: You didn't let me finish. Sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be... (continues to sing)
[they all rush to the window of the cabin and look out]
[they all see the dress float by the cabin window, on its second
pass]
[one crewman gasps]
[the men go outside to see the dress that was floating by the
window]
[the dress floats like a ghost, its left arm raised as if pointing]
BURSAR
She wants you to... do something.
Translation: It wants you to endorse Kobe Bryant athletic apparell.
BELLAMY
She's tryna give a sign.
Translation: I'd say she's more an Air Jordan fan. Old school.
[the dress sweeps over a lantern, knocking it over and part of
the deck ignites]
BELLAMY
Over there! Look for a sign!
Translation: Opposite what she did! It's opposite day in the merry old land of Captain Bellamy World.
[the crew rush to the railing and look out at the sea]
[Elizabeth, up on the mast overhead, sighs in exasperation]
Translation: Why does it always seem like I have the most work?
QUARTERMASTER
Look there! There it is. There's the
sign.
Translation: I just want to feel important.
BURSAR
That's seaweed.
Translation: Or the dead woman's hair. Aren't I full of delightful images?
QUARTERMASTER
S-Seaweed can be a sign.
Translation: I SAID I WANT TO FEEL IMPORTANT, DAMN IT!
BURSAR
Looks like entrails.
Translation: Hair? You ain't heard nothin. Let's talk about entrails. Mmm, mmm, good eatin'.
That would be a bad sign.
Translation: Campbells makes everything mm, mm, better.
ELIZABETH SWANN
What's that over there?
Translation: Ventriloquism! One more talent to cross off my list of things to do before I die.
[Elizabeth is now sitting on a platform on the deck behind the
men, pointing at the deck where the lantern fell]
[the men at the railing turn around and look where Elizabeth
is pointing]
[the fire burning on the desk spells out "Tortuga" in fiery letters]
Tortuga
[men are tied up with ropes alongside a well, camera pans past
the well]
[a man is tied up and being dunked in the well, and is spouting
water from his mouth]
[crowded tavern, glass bottles are being shot off of people's
heads for entertainment]
[a duo of musicians is playing a guitar and accordion]
GIBBS
And what makes you think you're worthy
to crew the Black Pearl?
Translation: At this point I'll take anyone. Just blow into this tube whilst I drink away me sorrows.
ELDERLY MAN
Truth be told, I never sailed a day
in me life. I figure I should get out
and see the world while I'm still young.
Translation: Blow in this tube? Sonny, not everyone here's drunk.
GIBBS
You'll do. Make your mark. Next!
Translation: Could have fooled me.
JILTED MAN
My wife ran off with my dog. And I'm
drunk for a month. And I don't give
a ass rat's if I live or die.
Translation: If you watch carefully, I can be seen switching Jack's compass for a chestnut. It's a hidden Easter Egg.
GIBBS
Perfect! Next!
Translation: I like you. You're depressed and inventive.
ONE-ARMED MAN
Me have one arm, 'n' a bum leg.
Translation: Workman's comp.
GIBBS
It's the crow's nest for you.
Translation: No one can ever say I wasn't for equal opportunity.
[Jack is sitting alongside a wall, within earshot of Gibbs' table,
trying to make his Compass work]
JACK SPARROW
I know what I want.
Translation: I know I should be helping Gibbs, but this is more fun than my magic 8-ball.
GIBBS
Next!
Translation: Jack, you don't know what you're missing over here.
ROMANTIC MAN
Ever since I was a little lad, I've
always wanted to sail the seas. Forever.
Translation: Gloomy foreshadowing! Ooooooooo
GIBBS
Sooner than you think. Sign the roster.
Translation: I give and give and give and never once took.
ROMANTIC MAN
Thanks very much.
Translation: I'd take something for you if you'll just include me in a poem or a play. I have an air for the stage.
JACK SPARROW
How we going?
Translation: My magic 8-ball said I would have to ask it later, so I got bored.
GIBBS
Including those four? That gives us
- four!
Translation: here, play with this yo-yo.
[to the next candidate in line]
GIBBS
And what's *your* story?
Translation: Better shape up now that Jack's here. Psh, who am I kidding? Drinks all around!
NORRINGTON
My story... it's exactly the same as
your story, just one chapter behind.
I chased a man across the Seven Seas.
The pursuit cost me my crew, my commission,
and my life.
Translation: Best Supporting Actor, here I come.
GIBBS
Commodore?
Translation: Oh shit, Gloria, is that you, darling?
NORRINGTON
No, not anymore, weren't you *listening*?
I nearly had you all, off Tripoli. I
would have, if not for the... hurricane.
Translation: It's me! James! The ice cream cone buffoon who had nothing to do but lose Liz in the first movie!
GIBBS
Lord. You didn't try to sail through
it?
Translation: As long as you're not my ex-wife.
NORRINGTON
So do I make your crew, or not? You
haven't said where you're going. Somewhere
*nice*!
Translation: Because I brought marshamallows to fit in.
[unidentified woman] Oh!
Translation: It's gettin' hot in here, so take off all your clothes.
[the music stops, everyone stares at the altercation]
[Jack grabs a branch from a vase, carries it in front of his
face, attempts to walk out unseen]
NORRINGTON
So am I *worthy* to serve under Captain
Jack Sparrow?
Translation: Or do I have to bring graham crackers too?
[Norrington spots Jack sneaking off behind him, points a pistol
at Jack]
NORRINGTON
Or should I just kill you now?
Translation: Screw this. Just let me kill him.
[Jack ducks back and forth behind both sides of a large post,
as Norrington points his pistol at Jack]
JACK SPARROW
You're hired.
Translation: I like your spunk.
NORRINGTON
Sorry. Old habits and all that.
Translation: And I like your head on my wall.
[unidentifed man, to Norrington] Easy, sonny!
[someone deflects Norrington's pistol upwards as it fires]
[the ball richochets off the chandelier, breaking a man's bottle
as he's drinking from it]
[the man whose bottle broke slugs a man next to him]
[the music starts back up as a brawl ensues]
[one man swings from chandelier, women fight, bottles are thrown
against the wall, etc.]
JACK SPARROW
Time to go?
Translation: Hee hee, this is what's called a Jack-style party.
GIBBS
Aye!
Translation: At the Gibbs-style parties, they have reels.
[a swordfight is going on]
[someone throws a bottle against the wall above the stairs, Jack
ducks as it smashes above his head]
[Jack makes his way upstairs, trading hats a few times along
the way]
JACK SPARROW
Thanks, mate.
Translation: I wonder how that gay rumor got started anyway.
[Jack slaps him on the shoulder, the man falls backwards off
the balcony]
[Jack halts to let two men carrying another man proceed towards
the edge of the balcony]
JACK SPARROW
Carry on.
Translation: Oh well. In the near future I get to show just how straight I am. Tally ho.
Heave!
[the two men throw the carried man off the balcony, then Jack
continues on his way]
[the music stops, Norrington threateningly holds a bottle in
his left hand]
NORRINGTON
Come on, men! Who wants some? Form an
orderly line, I'll have you all one
by one. Come on, who's first?
Translation: Just like in all movies where everyone attacks everyone one by one. No dog piles in a pirate movie.
BELLAMY
Strange thing to come upon a longboat
so far out in open waters.
Translation: Not that I really care. I get paid for the amount of words I use.
WILL TURNER
Just put as many leagues behind us as
you can. As fast as you can.
Translation: Me Will. You run.
BELLAMY
And what are we running from?
Translation: Well, isn't this nice for a strapping young...uh, boy, to come giving me orders.
[Will sees Elizabeth's white wedding dress on a chair in the
cabin]
Translation: White? Are you freakin' kidding me? The thing was always the color of baby shit.
WILL TURNER
That dress. Where did you get it?
Translation: I looked all over JC Penny's and couldn't find it.
BELLAMY
It was found aboard the ship. The crew
it thought it was a spirit bringing
some omen of ill fate.
Translation: Not that I'D personally ever think such a thing, ha ha ha.
WILL TURNER
That's foolish.
Translation: Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, crap. Liz is here.
QUARTERMASTER
Oh, yes. Proceededly foolish.
Translation: Ha ha ha ha, more nervous laughter.
BURSAR
It brought good fortune! The spirit
told us... Put in at Tortuga. And we
made a nice bit of profit there.
Translation: These sailors and their opium, I tell you.... we made a fortune
BELLAMY
Off the books, of course.
Translation: That means no telling the EITC we deal dope.
WILL TURNER
I imagine... some of your crew may have
jumped ship there.
Translation: Like a certain pirate troublemaker I should have sprung from jail.
BELLAMY
Why do you ask?
Translation: You know, we can give you a full-out block of cocaine like in Scarface.
MESSENGER SAILOR
Captain, a ship's been spotted.
Translation: Yeah, big to do. This is the ocean. People sail on it.
BELLAMY
Colors?
Translation: If it's just plain brown, don't take pictures of it. People are tired of those.
MESSENGER SAILOR
She isn't flyin' any.
Translation: And it has human bones as part of its make-up. Now that part's unusual!
BELLAMY
Pirates!
Translation: or screaming Bellamy fan girls!
WILL TURNER
Or worse.
Translation: Screaming Bellamy fan boys. (shivers)
FLYING DUTCHMAN
deck
[Jones is on deck, having found the cloth that Will swapped for
the key]
[Bootstrap is held at knife point on board the Flying Dutchman]
[one crewman holds a sawfish sword as a restraining weapon in
front of Bootstrap]
DAVY JONES
You will watch this.
Translation: If it moves, report back to me.
[crewmen are whipped, in order to turn a large screw that raises
the Kraken summoning device]
DAVY JONES
Let no joyful voice be heard! Let no
man look up at the sky with hope! And
let this day be cursed by we who ready
to wake... the *Kraken*!
Translation: And Good King Wenceslas went out on the feast of Steven.
[the Kraken calling device thumps heavily against the sea]
Edinburgh Trader
[crewmen on board the Edinburgh Trader rush to the railing, chattering,
to see the Flying Dutchman]
[Will is on top of the mast]
WILL TURNER
I've doomed us all. It's the Flying
Dutchman!
Translation: It's all about me.
[a loud thumping sound resonates throughout the ship]
BURSAR
Oh, Mother Cary's chickens. What happened?
Translation: Hang on. I think I read my line wrong. Chickens just doesn't make sense...
?QUARTERMASTER
Must've hit a reef.
Translation: It's too late to read your line again! The thing's coming!
[the crew look overboard, see bubbles rising up alongside the
ship]
BELLAMY
Free the rudder! Hard to port, then
hard to starboard!
Translation: Uh, acting!
Clear the rudder!
Hard to port!
[a Kraken tentacle silently seizes one crewman while other crewmembers
have their backs turned]
[the Kraken tentacle surfaces in the distance, holding the crewman
who was just seized, he screams]
*Kraken!*
[crewman rings the ship's bell wildly]
###
[music stops, slow motion scene, a huge tentacle rises high over
the ship]
[the tentacle comes down on deck, breaking the ship in two, bouncing
men off the deck]
[slow motion scene, men slide off of tilted deck]
[Will is flung underwater, sees the body of the Kraken in the
distance underwater]
[Will surfaces, climbs aboard a floating board of ship debris]
[the Flying Dutchman comes near Will, Will slides off his board
to swim towards the ship]
[view from the bow of the Flying Dutchman, looking at the floating
debris, including a face-down corpse]
[Elizabeth's wedding dress is also debris, and floats on the
surface of the sea]
FLYING DUTCHMAN
deck
MACCUS
The boy's not here. He must've been
claimed by the sea.
Translation: Or escaped, but I'm new to this series.
DAVY JONES
*I* am the sea.
Translation: And I am his father. Oh wait, no I'm not.
[Jones stomps over to Bootstrap]
DAVY JONES
You need time alone with your thoughts.
Translation: You're the father. I'm so silly sometimes.
BOOTSTRAP
What of the survivors?
Translation: Baked or broiled this time?
DAVY JONES
There are no survivors.
Translation: I'm on South Beach diet.
[the remaining crewmen are simultanenously axed from behind]
[Will witnesses the axing, ducks behind a beam]
[Jones turns around, sensing Will, but sees nothing]
DAVY JONES
The chest is no longer safe. Chart a
course to Isla Cruces. Get me there
first, or there'll be the devil to pay.
Translation: I want to get some sun
KOLENIKO
First?
Translation: I want to be called Kokomo instead.
DAVY JONES
Who sent that thieving charlatan onto
my ship? Who told them of the key? Jack
Sparrow.
Translation: Sparrow?! That's the secret word! Aaaaaauuuuuggggghhhh!!!!!
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
There's something to knowing the exact
shape of the world and one's place in
it, don't you agree?
Translation: What's it all mean, these stirring feelings inside me?
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
I had you brought here because I thought
you'd be interested in the whereabouts
of your daughter.
Translation: Yeah, you know, Liz. Sugar and spice and everything nice.....when she's not trying to kill me.
MERCER
Most recently seen on the island of
Tortuga, then left, in the company of
a known pirate, Jack Sparrow. *And*
other fugitives from justice.
Translation: And they all looked pretty friendly, wink wink
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
Including the previous owner of this
sword... I believe. Our ships are in
pursuit. and justice will be dispensed
by cannonade and cutlass, and all manner
of remorseless pieces of metal. I personally
find it distasteful to even contemplate
the horror facing all those on board.
Translation: I'll throw out plot clues while the audience is distracted by my lack of height.
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
Your authority as governor, your influence
in London, and your loyalty to the East
India Trading Company.
Translation: You will pledge your love to Big Brother or begin torture
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
Shall I remove these shackles?
Translation: Hell, I am Big Brother in this movie.
LORD CUTLER BECKETT
So you see, Mercer, every man has a
price he will willingly accept. Even
for what he hopes never to sell.
Translation: For me, that is this beloved abandoned sword. For Governor Swann, well, consider me the new owner of a very lovely Captain Hook wig.
Last one by me
RAGETTI
Well I say it was divine providence
what escaped us from jail.
Translation: They promised us to film that scene but my eye kept staying in for a change.
PINTEL
And I say... it was me bein' *clever*.
Ain't that right, poochie?
Translation: Poochie, the rockin' talkin' dog. Step aside, Scratchy.
[the dog goes to the bow, looking forward, keys in its mouth]
RAGETTI
?: Well how'dya know it ?weren't/?wasn't
divine providence what inspired you
to *be* clever? Anyways, I ain't stealin'
no ship.
Translation: I'm a good girl, I am, Mr. Higgins
PINTEL
It ain't stealin'. It's *salvagin'*!
And since when did you care?
Translation: Come on, you're my only friend. We have to think alike.
RAGETTI
Since we're not immortal no more. We
gotta take care of our immortal souls.
Translation: But if we think alike we're only one brain, but if we separate that's, like,....... 2 brains going in different directions!
PINTEL
You know you can't read.
Translation: And I can't play the piano like I used to.
RAGETTI
It's the Bible. You get credit for trying.
Translation: Aw, but you've done lovely with the tambourine.
PINTEL
Pretendin' to read the Bible's a *lie*!
*That's* a mark against ya! Look! There
it is!
Translation: Isn't this a conversation for the ages?
[the dog jumps overboard and swims toward shore]
RAGETTI
What's got into *'im*?
Translation: Hope Jack's not around.
PINTEL
Must've seen a catfish. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
Translation: Jack probably is. All the dogs love him.
[both laugh, the dog reaches shore and looks back at them]
RAGETTI
Stupid mongrel!
Translation: Go on to Jack! Just because we're not as sexy!
[the dog on shore shakes off water, looks back at them, still
holding keys in its mouth]
[their boat capsizes in a wave, they wade ashore]
CANNIBAL ISLAND
beach
...
PINTEL
Come on! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha...
###
Translation: I want to dance!
PINTEL
It's ours for the taking!
Translation: As soon as we take this ship
RAGETTI
Tide's comin', that should help. Well,
salvagin' is saving, in a manner of
speaking.
Translation: See how my separate brain worked just there? Totally opposite direction. Take that, divine providence!
PINTEL
There's the truth of *it*! ###
Translation: And may cannibal drums sound if you're wrong.
[cannibal drums sound]
RAGETTI
Suppose we be'er... save it as soon
as we can. What with our souls in such
a vulnerable state, and all.
Translation: I guess I was wrong.
PINTEL
Amen to that.
Translation: I hate being right all the time.
If this overlaps anyone else, I'm sorry
WILL TURNER
I'm gonna kill Jones.
Translation: And bring his hat to Tortuga for the reward money.
[Jack draws his sword, points it at Will]
JACK SPARROW
Can't let you do that, William. 'Cause
if Jones is dead, who's to call his
terrible beastie off the hunt, eh? Now.
If you please: The key.
Translation: Ah, talked about your plan too long. Shoulda just done it.
[Will backs up slowly, then suddenly draws Elizabeth's sword,
points it at Jack]
WILL TURNER
I keep the promises I make, Jack. I
intend to free my father. I hope you're
here to see it.
Translation: Draw!
[Norrington draws his sword, points it at Will]
NORRINGTON
I can't let you do that, either. So
sorry.
Translation: My moral principles make me disinclined to...screw it. Argh!
JACK SPARROW
I knew you'd warm up to me eventually.
Translation: Enough toying with my heart strings! First Liz and now you! Please! If someone loves me just tell me!
[Norrington points his sword at Jack]
NORRINGTON
Lord Beckett desires the contents of
that chest. I deliver it, and get my
life back.
Translation: So I want it.
JACK SPARROW
Ah. The dark side of ambition.
Translation: Well, are you going to talk about it, or are you gonna do it?
NORRINGTON
Oh, I prefer to see it as the promise
of redemption.
Translation: Do it! Avast!
ELIZABETH SWANN
Stop it!
Translation: The winged monkeys are coming!
Be careful!
[various dueling interjections]
ELIZABETH SWANN
Jack!
Translation: Tin Man!
WILL TURNER
Guard the chest!
Translation: You better not make me the gay lion
[duel halts for a second]
ELIZABETH SWANN
*No*!
Translation: No chance in hell! I'll show you who's king of the forest!
[duel resumes]
ELIZABETH SWANN
This is bar-*baric*! This is *no* way
for grown men to settle - ! Oh! Fine!
Let's just - *pull* out our swords and
start *banging* away at each other!
*This will solve everything!* I've had
it! I've had enough! Wobbly-legged,
rum-soaked... *pirates*!
Translation: I'm trying to click my heels, damn it, and all I'm getting is dirty pirate after dirty pirate!
[Elizabeth throws a rock at the duelists, but the rock goes far
to the left of them]
PINTEL
How'd this go all screwy?
Translation: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. Get it? ha ha ha
Enough!)
RAGETTI
Well, each wants the chest for hisself,
don't 'e? Mister Norrington, I think
he's tryna regain a bit of honor. Old
Jack's lookin' to trade it, save his
own skin. And Turner there - I figure
'e's tryna... settle some unresolved
business 'twixt him and his twice-cursed
pirate father.
Translation: And people say this movie has a hard plot to follow
PINTEL
Sad. That chest must be worth more 'n
a shiny penny.
Translation: Worth more than Norrington anyway
RAGETTI
Oh! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Terrible temptation.
Translation: Maybe even worth more than Liz if we play our cards right.
PINTEL
If we was any kind of *decent*, we'd
remove temptation from their path.
Translation: And spray paint some gold on there, it's worth more than Jack.
[Pintel and Ragetti giggle and run off to steal the small chest]
ELIZABETH SWANN
Will! *Enough!*
Translation: Lion! Ha! Show you who's a gay lion! Yeah, Will! Yeah, Will. Told you!
[Elizabeth is panting from exasperation and exhaustion]
ELIZABETH SWANN
Oh! Oh...! The heat!
Translation: Whoever comes over to me first gets a free lemonade.
[Elizabeth pretends to faint, which knocks off her hat]
[Elizabeth watches sideways as the duelists continue fighting,
oblivious to her]
Translation: Wahhhhhhh!!!!!!