Jack: It's really not all that big, is it?
Translation: Look up, missy. That's not what I'm talking about
Liz: If you're going to shoot me, please do so without delay.
Translation: Uh, dehydration and sunburn=not horny
Jack: Is there a problem between us, Miss Swann?
Translation: Sunburned? Psh, you've got like an SPF 50 on! How fair can your skin be?
Liz: You were going to tell Barbossa about Will in exchange for a ship.
Translation: Sorry. Not everyone enjoys cancer like you do.
Jack: We could use a ship. The fact is I was going to NOT tell Barbossa about bloody Will in exchange for a ship because as long as he didn't know about bloody Will, I still had something to bargain with, which now no one has, thanks to bloody, stupid Will.
Translation: In the next movie, there had better be kickboxing because I'm pissed!
Liz: Oh
Translation: Well, there will be a kracken to take down.
Jack: Oh.
Translation: Doesn't THAT sound fun?
Liz: He still risked his life to save ours.
Translation: Well, mine, but that's good enough
Jack: Ha!
Translation: Please. One Jack is worth 10 Lizzies
Liz: So we have to do something to rescue him.
Translation: Like put on a show! I'll make costumes out of mangos and you can play with the palm trees to create the illusion of shadow!
Jack: Off you go then. Let me know how that turns out.
Translation: Captain Jack Sparrow doesn't put on shows. Captain Jack Sparrow IS the show.
Liz: But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape the same way you did then.
Translation: Fine. I'll just make the movie about our misadventures AFTER we're rescued and someone will make it a show. How'd you like Jack Sparrow to be played by Rick Moranis?
---------- cut to rest of deleted scenes--------
Liz: So is there any truth to the rest of the stories?
Translation: Once again, biting off more than I can chew
Jack: Truth? (bears all) No truth at all
Translation: Now I see what you mean about the sunburn. It's ruining me mood.
Jack: Still have a month maybe more. Keep a weather eye for passing ships and our chances are fair.
Translation: Great. Finally a chance to be alone with a girl and she's gonna die
Liz: What about Will? We have to do something.
Translation: He's my puppy dog. You understand.
Jack: You're absolutely right. (throws her a rum bottle) Here's luck to you, Will Turner.
Translation: BAD luck. heh heh heh
Liz: Drink up, me hearties, yo ho.
Translation: Meh, without it being mixed with a Coke, it just sucks
Jack: What was that, Elizabeth? (Note: I can't really make out what he says there)
Translation: Sounds like the start of a good ghost story
Liz: It's Miss Swann. Nothing. It's a song I learned as a child when I actually thought it would be exciting to meet a pirate.
Translation: Prove me right, Jack. Prove me right.
Jack: Let's hear it.
Translation: How is being left on an island to die NOT exciting? You're one hard girl to please.
Liz: No
Translation: Sigh, not even a single Will to push around here.
Jack: Come on we've got the time. Let's have it.
Translation: Hell, I'll be your Will for a few minutes if you just sing it.
Liz: No. I'd have to have a lot more to drink.
Translation: Yeah, like I'd ever get you and Will confused.
Jack: How much more?
Translation: Don't tempt me.
Originally posted by katelovespirate
Willo and T Maria, that was INCREDIBLE< both of you. too funny. seriously. hilarious.and t maria, i LOVE You siggy!
sailorleo made it for me 😄 one in a million that girl 😄
i feel like doing another one lol...
bayou: Tia's shack
Jack Sparrow: No worries, mates. Tia Dalma and I go way back. Thick as thieves. Nigh inseparable we are. Were. Have been. Before.
Translation: No matter how hideous a woman is in appearance, if she has 3 boobs then there is no way i'm passing her up!
Gibbs: I'll watch your back.
Translation: I'll perve on your well rounded booty
Jack Sparrow: It's me front I'm worried about.
Translation: You've spent too long in the company of men...
Gibbs: Mind the boat.
Translation: Mind the boat - pass it on...
Will Turner: Mind the boat.
Tanslation: Mind the float - pass it on...
Ragetti: Mind the boat.
Translation: Mind the coat - pass it on...
Pintel: Mind the boat.
Translation: Mind the Moat- pass it on...
Marty: Mind the boat.
Translation: Mind the goat - pass it on...
Cotton's Parrot: Awk! Mind the boat!
Translation: You guys are $h!t with chinese whispers...
[Cotton is left alone in the longboat]
Translation: Thats right...leave the disabled guy out...PEJUDICE B@$T@RD$!!
[Jack cautiously enter's Tia's shack, pushing the door open slowly]
Translation: I could have entered unknowingly if it wasnt for that irritating squeak in the door!!
[near the inside of the shack door hangs a live snake, moving slowly]
Translation: (A-La shear Khan) ....Trusssssst in Meeeeeeeee......
[Tia is sitting at a table, looks up from her crab claws, sees Jack in the doorway]
Translation: OHH! MY BOOTY CALL AT 3 O'CLOCK!!
Tia Dalma: Jack Sparrow!
Translation: ..you were almost as good as your father...
Jack Sparrow: Tia Dalma!
Translation: I resent that!
Tia Dalma: I always know de wind was goin' blow you back to me one day.
Translation: Granted it would have to be a tornado-like wind...and it would have to blow you thousands of miles...but i can prophisise whatever the hell i like so ner ner!
[Tia sees Will standing in the doorway, goes up to him]
Translation: Oh he brought a wooden plank! That will fill the hole in my doorway quite nicely!!
Tia Dalma: You. You have a touch of... destiny about you, William Turner.
Translation: I smell....Could it be....Eunich?
Will Turner: You know me?
Translation: Oh no...she cant remember that drunken night last year...
Tia Dalma: You want to know me.
Translation: Damnit...i wish i didnt remember that drunken night last year...
Jack Sparrow: There'll be no knowing here. We've come for help and we're not leaving without it.
Translation: I would prefer not to remember that drunken night either....
Jack Sparrow: [to Tia] I thought I knew you.
Translation: i thought i was the only one who knew where your tattoo is...
Tia Dalma: Not so well as I had hoped. Come.
Translation: You and 50 other conquests...
Jack Sparrow: Come.
Translation: (A/N: Oh dont make me say it 😄)
Tia Dalma: What... service... may I do you? Hmmm? [caresses Will's chin] You know I demand payment.
Translation: The eunich wont even cover 20% of the bill im afraid...
Jack Sparrow: I brought payment.
Translation: Damnit...and here i was thinking that sex-by-death wouldnt make me feel so guilty for handing him over...
[Jack whistles once, a crewmember brings in the monkey in a cage]
Translation: A-wimba way, A-Wimba way, A-wimba way, A-Wimba way....
Jack Sparrow: Look!
Translation: Oh In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight....
[Jack cocks his pistol, shoots the monkey, the bullet has no effect, but the monkey chatters in fright]
Translation: Oh in the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...
Jack Sparrow: An undead monkey! Top that!
Translation: A-wimba way, A-wimba way, A-wimba way, A-Wimba way...
[Tia lifts the cage door, the monkey scampers off]
Translation: A- weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eee eee eeeee - A-wee um bum ba waaaaaaaayyyyyyy....
Gibbs: No! You've no idea how long it took us to catch that.
Translation: I swear i can hear my mating call...
Tia Dalma: The payment is fair.
Translation: Lets never speak of this again...
Jack Sparrow: We're looking for this. [lays the cloth down on the table to show Tia] And what it goes to.
Translation: And before you say it, the reason I cant find it is because the compass won't point to it...apparently thats not what i want most...apparently something slightly more annoying with a set of very ample busoms is the reason i cant find it....
Tia Dalma: The Compass you bartered from me. It cannot lead you to dis?
Translation: Ample Busoms, you say?
Jack Sparrow: Maybe. Why?
Translation: The kind that keep you a float in the water....
Tia Dalma: Ayeee... Jack Sparrow does not know what he wants! Or... do know, but are loathe to claim it as your own. Your key go to a chest, and it is what lay inside the chest you seek, don't it?
Translation: ...So you need to think about one chest instead of another chest?
Gibbs: What is inside?
Translation: Chest...we're off to find a chest...Gibbs, your day has finally come! ...this will prove that my gay tendencies are because of the cabin fever....
Pintel: Gold! Jewels? Unclaimed properties of a valuable nature?
Translation: Wooohooo! Im getting loads more lines this time around! This time next year i'll be the next james bond! ....a slightly porkie and balding james bond...but ive got the smile for it!
Ragetti: Nothing... bad, I hope.
Translation: I just hope ricky gervais manages to give me another part in 'the office' when he makes another series...or so he tells me...liar...
Tia Dalma: You know of... Davy Jones, yes? A man of de sea. A great sailor, until he ran afoul of dat which vex all men.
Translation: These guys are reallly falling for all my voodoo crap...next ill be telling them to eat arsenic and they'll do it! ....like taking candy from a baby...
Will Turner: What vexes all men?
Translation: Syphillis?
Tia Dalma: What, indeed.
Translation: Yeah sorry about that...
Gibbs: The sea?
Translation: Pubic lice?
Pintel: Sums!
Translation: Yeah, sorry about that...
Ragetti: Dichotomy of good and evil.
Translation: damnit, my character is really OT this time around...they're killing him!!
Jack Sparrow: A woman.
Translation: Funny how its ME who knows it, hey audience??*wink wink!*
Tia Dalma: A wo-man. He fell in love.
Translation: And guess whose mirroring him? go on, ill give you three guesses!!!
Gibbs: No-no-no-no, I heard it was the sea he fell in love with.
Translation: I cant believe pintel gave me pubic crabs....
contd below ... (coz it turned out to be too long lol)
Tia Dalma: Same story, different versions, and all are true. See, it was a woman, as chang-ing, and harsh, and untamable as the sea. Him never stopped loving her. But the pain it cause 'im was too much to live wid. But not enough to cause him to die.
Translation: How come in movies its always the WOMAN that causes the trouble?! Its a common known fact that a man is twice more likely to cheat than a woman....get your facts straight Ted! YOU SEXIST JERK!!!
Will Turner: What... exactly did he put into the chest?
Translation: And please let this story have a cute-puppy ending or i am highly likely to ring my lawyers and sue the writers for killing me off!
Tia Dalma: Him heart.
Translation: You'd better make it a strong case then...
Ragetti: Literally, or figuratively?
Translation: This is a pirate movie, therefore i should know better than to ask stupid bloody questions...
Pintel: He couldn't li'erally put his heart in a chest! [turns his head toward Tia] Could he?
Translation: Again...stupid filler dialogue...
Tia Dalma: It was not wort' feeling what... small fleeting joy life brings, and so... him carved out him heart, lock it away in a chest, and hide de chest from de world. De keys, he keep wid him at all times.
Translation: I remember him....hands allover the place..everywhere at once....but admittedly now where as good as what jack can do with his big toe....
Will Turner: [to Jack] You knew this.
Translation: Seriously? Your big toe?!
Jack Sparrow: I did not. I didn't know where the key was. But now we do. So all that's left is to climb aboard the Flying Dutchman, grab the key, you go back to Port Royal and save your bonnie lass, hey!
Translation: I'm not proud of it...we've all done things we regret...like you with your barbie hair in Lord of the Mings....
Tia Dalma: [to Jack, sternly] Let me see your hand.
Translation: As dull as that character happened to be, it isnt half as dull as the one hes playing now!!
[Jack shows his right hand is untouched, but Tia unwraps the bandage on his left hand]
Translation: Damn...the black spot looks alot different to what it did in 'a muppets treaure island' ...back then it was a black ink spot on a piece of paper...they've really upgraded it now...
[the black spot on Jack's left hand is revealed]
Translation: Whoa....its like a black world pool in the middle of my hand! AWESOME DUDE!!!
Gibbs: Uhhh! The black spot!
Translation: Nice....i want one!
[Gibbs quickly wipes his hands on his chest, spins around once to the left, and spits]
Translation: I shall do the 'spot' dance and hopefully one should appear....
Ragetti: Black spot!
Translation: BRING IT ON!!
Pintel: Black spot!
Translation: ME TOO!!!
[Pintel and Ragetti copy Gibbs' ritual, in synchrony]
Translation: We are nothing but sheep....no offence to Ichy
Jack Sparrow: My eyesight's as good as ever, just so you know.
Translation: Whatever that means...has anyone ever looked up on what the black spot actually does to you??? ...we could be worrying for nothing, you know....
[pushing aside cloth door beads, Tia goes into a back room, and searches for something]
Translation: People say im crazy....
Tia Dalma: [to herself] I am just ### My little ###, where are you? ###
Translation: they say the second sign of madness is hairy palms....but the first sign of madness is looking for them!!! ...come on, own up! How many of you looked??!?!
[Tia comes back with an object from the back room]
Tia Dalma: Davy Jones cannot make port. Cannot step on land but once every ten years. Land is where you are safe, Jack Sparrow. And so you will carry land wid you...
Translation: Yes...i know its a jar of dirt, but its the best i could come up with with only 10 minutes notice before you 'crept' into my home...
[Tia hands Jack a jar of dirt]
Translation: And be grateful!
Jack Sparrow: Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.
Translation: state the obvious, mate...christ, i thought your comebacks were better than this!
Tia Dalma: Yes?
Translation: And here i was thinking you had grown a brain...but alas, it is only the one in your pants...
Jack Sparrow: Is the... jar of dirt going to help?
Translation: I must be mad. How the hell is a jar of dirt going to help? Will it make me fly? Will it make me invisdible?....or however you say it...
Tia Dalma: If you don' want it, give it back.
Translation: ungrateful $h!t bag!
Jack Sparrow: No. [clutches it closer to his chest]
Translation: damnit...i could have asked to exchange it for that invisibility cloak she got back from that ugly potter boy...jack you fool!
Tia Dalma: Den it helps.
Translation: I was going to exchange it for th invisibility cloak but he looks too funny with the dirt so i think ill leave it...
Will Turner: It seems... we have a need to find the Flying Dutchman.
Translation: Or the davy jones crocodile machine...or whatever johnny is calling it these days...
[Tia is sitting, she holds several crab shells between her cupped hands and closes her eyes]
Translation: If i just throw these around my uigi board they wont suspect a thing...
Tia Dalma: A touch... of destiny!
Translation: A touch... of balderdash!
its crap so i apologise...someone do better please 🙁