The Unforgivable Diaries Of DMC!

Geoffrey Rush

Day? past twilight of that day of the day we were on before I started this entry.

Dear Joey,

Just passed Pirates=sex and she yelled at me that she was glad to see me back on location. You know I just smiled and waved. TeePirategirl was with her and she had the most curious expression on her face. Kind of like "What are you doing here"? Gosh, I hope I didn't blow this up.

Lovethemtigers pulled the pony cart into the parking spot at the cantina and PirateDiva parked her horse. What a magnificant creature. PirateDiva said Johnny gave her intensive riding lessons during our last shoot. She was his handler for that one. Which one? That one. Oh phooy, I have to stop quoting that old script, or maybe just a little.

Willo got down out of the cart and I looked startled and she asked "What" and I said, "Where's our protection" and she patted the bulge on her inner right thigh. She told me not to worry she knew how to pack 'em. She said "It looks like I only have a wrench in my pants."

About that time Jack came out of the cantina with this small hobbit like creature trailing him and he called her ChikiMina. All these young women have such strange names. But Martin was also following behind and I could have sworn he said Jack was coming onto him.

PirateDiva ordered a table and we seated ourselves next to the table of MistyPirate, Swann&Sparrow, and MmovieJunkie. What a group of fine looking women. Oh, here comes Orlando, Kev, McKenzie, and Lee. I hope my disguise is perfect. Lovethemtigers told me to put my hand in front of my mouth and to speak real softly if anyone asks me a question.
(sings) Ooooh, I'm so pretty, witty and wise.

lmao....omg please write more that is hilarious!!!

Johnny/

day - i feel like ending it all!!

dear ichy

SWEET BABY JESUS AND THE ORPHANS!

ive had it upto my pretty little eyeballs with that woman!

Shes driving me up the wall and back down it again!!!

i told her it was deffinately time to move on now considering she was getting too familiar with her 'habitat' ....when your a man and you find bikini wax-strips by the soap dish in your bathroom you get more than a little freaked out!!!!

...especially when you have the lads over for your weekly polka night and they question your masculinity....

she told me that technically if i kick her out i would have to pay for her new accommodation!!!

...apparently her insurance policy claims that i am her main money clause!

women....nothing but money grabbers!!!

speaking of money grabbers...i got a letter through the post today...

its funny how many women are claiming im the father to their children and are asking me for money now that the sucess of 'pirates' has made me 'invincible' to the celebrity world....

....its also funny how many MEN are claiming im the father of their children, too....

on set today and we were doing an action sequence...Miss im-keira-and-either-give-me-a-sword-to-play-with-or-i-swear-to-god-you-will-see-the-spoilt-end-of-a-hissy-fit Knightly was once again throwing a big fat paddy because no one trusted her enough with a sword....

In the end they gave up and let her have her own way...and then told her to go and practise with Orlando because his insurance is running out....the last time i saw him he was being carted away in an ambulance...i hope they found his missing finger....

ROFLOL!!!

ROTFLMFAOTW!!!!!!!!!

Keira

Day - lost all sense of time

Dear snugges

Me and johnny did a really weird scene today...everyone keeps referring to it as the 'curiosity' scene...apparently it was supposed to play out alot different than how it actually ended up...

its funny how as soon as you realise your 'flirting' in a scenewith one of johnny's characters that you find yourself actually flirting with him aswell!!

The man is a woman magnet!
How come a man with dreadlocks and a beard is so irresistable???

When my friends went to see the first movie they were going for the thrill of seeing orlando in action....and they came out of the movie wondering WHY they found johnny so attractive in his eyeliner and his overly-poofy hair....

madness, i tell you!!!

dont get me wrong....when hes in his normal garb hes just johnny....but when hes in his 'jack' outfit hes.......

well.....lets put it like this;

Austin Powers has found his Mojo, baby!!!!

Damn that sinister attraction that captain jack sparrow has over me!!!

.... im officially insane.....

Poor Orli....first he gets hit on the head and is out for 2 days watching reruns of Elizabeth town and now he's missing a finger...lmao!! how much can a boy endure???lol

....ok now that i got that out of my system please continue decapitating Orli one piece at a time...i swear i feel like im reading Saw 3 or something...lol!!!

LMAO....either these are hilarious or i have the serious giggles today ....but i am seriously enjoying these...please continue...lmao!!!

Orlando

Day - nobody cares!

Dear nobody!

i feel like ending it all...

the only person who has come to visit me is jack...and that was only because he wanted to come and eat my grapes on me!

keira apologised but i dont think it was entirely heart-felt....i think her sniggering gave it away....

johnny did send a card through the post....'with sympathy on your great loss' ....oh, how amusing.... (if you cant tell, im not laughing....)

Also, i think he was behind the card that was sent to my parent back in england....

they phoned sounding all worried about me, because they got a 'wishing you all the best' card through the post.

Apparently it stated;

"We are here to day to remember the delinquant: Orlando Bloom....
....who is sadly still with us"

Hes denying all knowledge of the incident....but i wouldnt put it past him....

unfortunately i am too weak and too depressed to retaliate...i might just kill myself....but that might cheer johnny up some more....

Talk about being between a rock and a hard place....

lol me loves!

ROTFLSHIHTBALMAOTW!!!!! LOL!!!

thanks pirate diva 😄 glad ur still enjoying them lol🙂

Johnny

Day - hahahahaha!

Dear Ichy

sad-sack was back at work today...with his PROSTHETIC FINGER!

its hilarious! We started calling him names so he started pointing his finger at us in annoyance! ... only it went floppy nine times out of ten!....and apparently thats not the only thing thats gone on the 'floppy' side lately....

theres a story in the press stating that a girl he had a one night stand with said that he was 'having trouble performing' .... well everyone thought it would be best to hide the article.....

i agreed to disagree and then ripped it from the newspaper before laminating it, framing it and then sticking it pride-and-place over my yacht door for everyone to read before they come into my humble abode....

call me evil but i dont care....

and if you do then your just jealous that you didnt get there first!

ROTFLSHIHTBAMSHAIARBCICSLMAOTW!!!!!!

Keira

Day- next to never!

Dear snuggles

i hate it when johnny gets there before me!!

He always gets the good ideas, damnit!!!

During our coffee break today he let me wear his wig....something i never wish to repeat!!

You know when you just cant pull off a look??

I looked like anna nicole smith on a good day!!!

I think Kev was about 10 seconds away from shouting;

"HEY MAAAAAAN....LIGHT ME UP A DOOBIE AND PASS THE RASTA!"

In otherwords;

I looked like Bob Marleys slightly scary half sister...

Talking of kev...i think his trailor has become the home of the 'home-grown-herbs' ....in other words meaning that what ever hes cooking in there is NOT legal....

you get high from the fumes just walking past the place!

...no wonder i keep finding orlando sulking around there for five minutes and then suddenly hes sitting there watching his hand move infront of his face....

....so yes, just incase your wondering;

the lack of expression on orlandos face during the most pivotal moments he was in was down to the fact that he was as high as a kite!

he didnt even know his own name half the time....which turned out to be quite funny considering Johnny kept calling him 'Boner' and he actually responded....

We're so immature!!!

Tomorrow we're all going to dig a big hole in the sand and bury Orlandos entire body in it!!! .... and then give him a toothpick and see if he can escape!!

....good times, people...good times..

Originally posted by PirateDiva
ROTFLSHIHTBAMSHAIARBCICSLMAOTW!!!!!!

What does that mean?? 😄

...are we speaking different languages now??? 😆

hehe!

LMAO!!!! OMG ur killing me here T.Maria....i really think ppl think im nuts here at my JOB!!!! lmao...lol!!

Geoffrey Rush
Day oh, what difference does it make

We all ordered a round and I even got my island rum drink with the little umbrella. Johnny came by the table and commented to each of the ladies like he was their godfather or something. He looked straight at me and said "Anamaria, when did you start liking umbrellas in your drinks." You always told me that was for "girls and sissy boys." Then he sat down next to me and started chatting me up a bit. Joey, I swear I am having a hard time remembering who I am when I look into those deep chocolate eyes. I guess Anamaria is not as immune as I thought.

Anyway he started telling me about his boyhood and that when he moved to Florida with his family he really wanted to be an astronaut, but he kept acting too much like an alien and they gave him a choice to quit school or get kicked out. So he left. Then ask me if I had any strange side affects from the seasick pills and I naturally asked "Why". He said,
"Well frankly Anamaria, since I last saw you I have had this hair growing on the palm of my hand and the crew is asking me about 'Mr. Hand' and I notice you have some chin whiskers now."

I was so startled, that I jumped up and ran to the Ladies Room and overturned the table in my flight. Drinks went everywhere and my little umbrella landed in TeePirategirl's hair. Now I am hiding out in the leuve waiting for PirateDiva to fetch me. Here she comes. She is laughing so hard because Willo thought something bad had happened and tried to pull her gun out of her pants and shot her chair. Seems Johnny was laughing hard too and told her "Not so easy to pull a wrench out of your pants is eh?"

I guess I have had too much excitement on this outing Joey, and the girls are going to take me home to that swaying bucket.

ooops

Originally posted by PirateDiva
ROTFLSHIHTBAMSHAIARBCICSLMAOTW!!!!!!

Rolling on the floor laughing so hard it hurts to breathe (forgot middle part) I cant stop laughing my ass off the wall....ya something along those lines...lol

LOL...that was sooo funny calypso!!! Willo shot her chair...thats killing me ...lmao!!