The Unforgivable Diaries Of DMC!

Johnny

day 56

Dear Ichy

Apparently ive started off a new sex position...

Vinnie from props was told byFrank from Location search who was told by Jimmy in CGI who got told by Valerie in Makeup that she had the best sex of her life with her husband last night...and it was all thanks to me...

...I'd take full honour but i have no idea what for...

Apparently Its called the 'Sparrow Dive' ...something about a man lying on his front and- eugh....i dont know...and i dont think i want to!

Its all getting very strange...Yesterday i was getting lunch when the sound guys were making rude gestures at me...something about;

'Keira Twice-Knightley' ....

That girl is too young to do ANYTHING twice...

Ha, listen to me getting into 'Dad' mode....Ive got to stop or it will ruine my 'street cred'......i'm 'Down wid it'....i'm 'hip'....although the last time i looked; 'hip' was a body part....

...Damn...a few more years and ill be able to ride the bus for free....

.....I think ive officially started my mid-life crisis....

Originally posted by johnnyforever
T.MARIA!! hug we missed you so much!!! how are you?!

Hey hun im good! 😄

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD TO BE BACK WRITING!! 😄

hug

ive missed u all so much!! 😄 😄

Keira Knightley

Day 57

Dear Snuggles

ITS HERE! the day is finally here....

its my kissing scene with Mr Depp!

I shouldnt be excited but naturally i cant help it because my former 14 yearold self has suddenly started doing back-flips and i feel like squealing like a little girl....

Its all hush hush around Orlando apparently...and hes starting to feel left out because everytime he turns up for a conversation with people they go all quiet around him....

i almost feel sorry for him...

...almost...

BUT IM DOING A KISSING SCENE WITH JOHNNY DEPP!!!

Did i mention that?

I dont fancy him or anything...but its got to boost my street cred, right?

Johnny was talking about street cred yesterday...saying how hes leaving a legacey for his children....

Im just leaving many adolescent boys feeling uncomfortable in their pants...or so Johnny says anyway...

He said he feels like hes going down hill...'feeling my age'....

Well as ive told him once before;

Its better to be over the hill than buried underneath it...

DID I MENTION IM DOING A KISSING SCENE WITH JOHNNY DEPP?!!

T. welcome back 😄 we missed you and your diaries.

Johnny

Day 57

Dear Ichy

Oh god there she is....

This is a moment that will define me in either 2 ways;

1. I'm going to go down in history as an historic pirate who 'gets the girl' and goes down with his ship....

or...

2. I'm going to go down in history as a pervert...

WHY do they write in screen kisses for me with YOUNG women?
Is it just me or are they infact getting younger and younger as im getting older and older?

Ive known keira since she was 17...ive taken the miss out of her ever since ive known her...and now they want me to lock lips with her for a;

'steamy-closeup-snog-that-will-meak-or-break-the-elizabeth-and-jack-relationship'

...Look at her looking all giddy....

Then again i guess its something to look forward to since shes been snoggin the face off sad-sack over there for the past few months...poor girl must be frustrated...

Look at him with his sour expression just sitting there in his little rowing boat waiting for the next scene....

jesus hes in for a shock....

'AND ACTION!

Crap...ok, here goes nothing....

oh i like these...

Yea isn't she good?

Originally posted by Mistypirate
T. welcome back 😄 we missed you and your diaries.

thankyou hun!! 😄

ive been trying to reads the DMC Bloopers but too much has been written for me to know where to start lol 🙂

so ill stick here where its safe and i know whats going on lol 🙂

Keira

Day 57

Dear Snuggles

Johnny was standing there minding his own business looking at the mast when i made my predatory move...

'Thankyou, Jack'

Johnny seemed to put on that misty voice...the mark of any good actor. I tried it once and it made me sound like Barry White.

'We're not free yet, love'

I moved closer and looked up at Johnny....obviously trying not too catch his eye as usual considering he makes me burst out laughing just by looking at him...

'You came back. I always knew you were a good man'

Oh we're too good...its amazing how much you manage to control your laughter when your under such tension...

and then i was leaning in....moving closer...trying my best not to look at his face for fear of being burned at the steak incase i laughed...

yes she is these are very entertaining man write more!!

Originally posted by Mistypirate
Yea isn't she good?

Omg u put another one up right b4 i typed that! sweet

Johnny

day 57

Dear Ichy

And then she was leaning in...moving closer....and i was trying my best not to look at her over-puckering lips for fear of being burned at the steak for laughing....

But i couldnt help it!

As soon as i did my 'not so manly' giggle suddenly she was shrieking like a banshee...and almost callapsed onto the floor with laughter...

obviously she had been holding it in for a VERY long time...

Gore shouted because if orlando saw us then it was all over and we would have to put this kiss back into the blooper section....

YES ladies and...well....what kind of man would read another mans diaries?!

Anyway, YES...this kiss scene was only EVER intended for the bloopers reel...but then gore changed his ever-changing mind and decided to put it into the actual film...

...So keira puckered up again and went for me!

I've got to say...i dont know what she practised on beforehand but she tasted like an orbit factory...

obviously she had garlic before she came in for this scene...

I however decided to drink a big pint of tomato juice...the most revolting taste in the world...to keira, anyway....

And so she pulled away making borking noises....I didnt take it personally....especially sincce the second time around i decided to take some cod-live-oil instead...

Oh the fun!

lol

lmao! 😄

i try to deliver girls 😄

glad your enjoying them though 🙂 i love writing them so its great to know someone actually reads them lol 🙂

johnnyforever; they just come to me lmao

I dnt know how they do...but in my sick and twisted mind they seem to fly out of my brain lmao 😄

more in a minute lol 🙂

😆 "And so she pulled away making borking noises...."

Orlando

Day 57

Dear Nobody

OH DEAR LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do my eyes decieve me or has the worst been confirmed?!

Johnny and keiras relationship is now apparently out in the open!!!

After what i just witnessed and-OH!

THEY'RE DOING IT AGAIN!!!
I cant watch...but apparently Gore can!

PERVERT!!!

OH CHRIST ON A BIKE!
Shes backing him up against the mast of the ship...i swear i just saw tongues!!
She never used tongues on me!...i KNEW johnny was her favourite!

I bet this is just one big publicity stunt like Tom Cruise and Katey Holmes....

She'll be announcing shes up the duff next week!!!

Poor johnny...he'll be branded a cradle robber....talk about being up $h!t creek without a paddle.....

HER HANDS ARE ALLOVER HIIM!!!

Thats it...ive got to put a stop to it all before they start consummating their relationship infront of the entire crew!!!!!

OMG! Even the sound guy has popcorn to eat while he watches!

"OH CHRIST ON A BIKE!
Shes backing him up against the mast of the ship...i swear i just saw tongues!!
She never used tongues on me!...i KNEW johnny was her favourite!"

😆 If I knew how to spell geinius, I'd call you one!! unless that's how it's spelled. 😕

OH CHRIST ON A BIKE!
Shes backing him up against the mast of the ship...i swear i just saw tongues!!
She never used tongues on me!...i KNEW johnny was her favourite!

LMAO Christ on a bike!! that was my favorite line 😂

lol thats funny ditto what they said .... lol

Keira

day 57

Dear Snuggles

Not bad...not bad at all....

when you take away the pickled onions, tomato's,cod liver oil and the ever present smell of something that seems like it has died....

...Though Kev was close by so johnny cant be entirely blamed for that...

it was all good...i FINALLY got the kiss that Elizabeth deserves!

Thats it now..im officially a shipper....bless poor orlando but when this film starts showing in cinemas Will is going to be completely outranked by every woman in the world wanting JACK SPARROW as their knight in shining armour....

Speaking of Orlando...

Halfway through a very weird experimentation which included Johnny getting very 'up for it' and even suggesting the handcuffs-

(by this time we had decided not to be our reality selves and instead decided to be two bondage queens looking for the best way to get off...)

-a hard body suddenly collided with me and my lips were suddenly torn away (albeit begrudgingly) from johnnys and he crashed to the ground un-nessecarily....i thought it was part of his act but when i saw Orlando ontop of him i thought otherwise....

The fight didnt last long...with orlando screaming obscienities and announcing that i was going to turn into the next angeline jolie one of the sound guys pulled him off and told him to wait in the rowing boat...

oh that boy is in for punishment...

but atleast gore got the facial expression he was looking for with that surprise kiss...

Orlando looks like hes trying to pass a bowling ball....

roflol omg i cant believe you can come up with this