The Unforgivable Diaries Of DMC!

Originally posted by T.Maria
im terrified of wasps...if im in a que for a fairground ride and one buzzes within 200 metres of me then im OUT OF THAT QUE and running for the hills!!!!

i'm also scared of Claudia from interview with a vampire (kirsten dunst wen she was about 12) because i have curly hair and when i was little my mum would do my hair in wrinkletts and she used to call me 'claudia'....it gave me a complex lol

sad i know 🙂

johnny forever sorry g2g

T. thanx 4 the welcome nice to meet u too l8er P.S. write more!

buhbye

ok, now to find someone to talk to...

awww johnnyforever 🙁

id sticka round aswell but i have work in the morning...and i need my ugly sleep lol 🙂

no1 can talk to me for atleast 3 hours after i get up....its too grotesque for words lol 🙂

Ill catch you soon tho!! 😄 nite nite!! 😄

and Amber: I shall write more 😄...give me till 2momrrow to come up with something!! 😄

nite everyone!!! 😄

buhbye aww!

ugly sleep? how dare you say that about yourself!

heyy!!!
i'm glad your back T. Maria!!!
funny as always!!!

i hate bees too....they seem to like to follow me for some reason...
last time one wouldn't leave me alone i started running into a store and i nearly bumped into a woman holding a enfant baby 🙁 i felt so bad

haha, that dream about the boy eating his pillow-thats really funny

OMG I'M LaTe...lol!!! BUT T.Maria ur back.....awwwww yay im soooo happy....i'm laughing again!! YAY!! Oh gosh how i have missed ya!! Glad to have u Back!! More More More....cause i'm pissing my pants of how hilarious these are...lol!!!

sooooooo glad your back 😄 post soon. thanx for the diaries this is really great

Thank goodness you back I was having withdrawls
😄

ok back again 😄

refreshed and willing to go! 😄

Jack Davenport

Day 59

dear norrie

Have i missed something?

I feel like i havent got out of my trailor for along time for fear of Gladys the sheep eating the douvet on my bed...shes a viscious little creature!

She had her little lambs...much more sooner than expected, too....

I'm starting to think Ichy wasn't the first sheep she has rolled around in the field with....dirty cow.

(I didnt mean cow as in she is actually a cow...because she isnt, shes a sheep...i meant cow in the mean sense of the word if that makes sense...and if not then ignore my english slang...everyone else seems to)

My beloved has kept me under lock and key...
oh yes, im officially a desperate house-husband.

We argued last night because i went to a poker game and she wanted to come with me...i told her the only girl who will be there will be Keira because she lives with johnny at the moment...i shouldnt have mentioned any names because as soon as i did my things were being thrown out of the trailor...a slight argument that was blown out of proportion if you ask me...butim now sleeping in the ditch OUTSIDE my trailor whilst that bloody sheep guards the door...

Im so hard done to!

Johnny

day 59

dear ichy

im sleeping on the fold out bed in the living area...

after playing poker last night with keira and losing she now gets everything in my trailor apart from my sock drawer...which might explain why shes walking around in my shirt and a pair of my underpants this morning...

That stupid bloody lamb has not left her side yet! Shes treating it like a baby...but little does she know i have BIG plans for that little sheep!

...Look at that!
She didnt even ask me if i wanted breakfast! Shes just feeding herself and giving that bloody sheep a bowl of milk! From MY fridge!

Ive got two kids so i know how to handle a sheep...but keira AND a sheep is just too much for me.

Last night after everyone left, Orlando kept prattling on about how 'wrong' it is for me to be 'interested' in keira when i have a family!

-yes he still insists we are having an affair...the poor deluded sod...-

Keira overheard however and decided to put the whelp straight...to no advail unfortunately because hes got it into his dense head that anything we say to him from now on is a lie to keep it a secret...

so if im telling him a lie then he should think of it as the truth because if it WAS the truth then it would actually really be a lie-

damn i have to stop myself doing that...jack sparrow moments are creeping up on me so much more than before!

in short term;

Hes a ham-sandwich short of a picnic in the brains department...if you get what i mean...and if you dont then i think you are too...

Love Them....Keep Them CoMiNg....LOL!! WiLL And His Dense Head!!!

Keira

Day 59

Dear snuggles

WHY cant he get it through his thick head!?

ALL day ive had nothing but winks and nudges thrown my way from orlando because he thinks he knows something thats a big secret...when really he knows nothing at all!

Honestly, how amazingly docile can one person be?!

he started calling me Angelina on set before! I was like THIS CLOSE to throttling him with my hair extensions...

...and just for the record;
i know you are unaware of how close THIS CLOSE is...but believe me its VERY close!

And thats not the worst of it!

I went home to Johnnys yacht (which technically is MY yacht now because i won it off johnny in a poker game! Go ME!) and he was sat there eating some kind of meat strew...

...on closer inspection i noticed it couldnt be beef, pig or chicken because ive not actually seen one of those animals in the vascinity....

So YES IT IS OFFICIAL!!!

JOHNATHAN CHRISTOPHER DEPP IS A SHEEP MURDERER!!!!

Im so not talking to him for ANY of this now!

Silence of the lambs my ass!

....i think i mite start calling him Hannibal...

LMAO HANNIBAL.....Awwww JoHnnY Ate The Sheep!!!

ROTFLAO!!!!!!!! poor lamby! 🙁 Poor Jack, Leo should go comfort his gorgous self in that ditch! lol

Orlando

Day 59

dear nobody

They thought they were so smart trying to hide from everyone...but i sussed them out completely!!!

i think ive figured out the facial expressions and body language they give eachother;

Raised eyebrows - Meet you at 6 behind the bike sheds

Glaring - behind this sour mask is the look of love...

middle-finger syndrome - oh how i love thee

the constant swearing - take me now!

I should be a psychologist!

....One of the girls in makeup found it VERY interesting and asked if she could tell her friend Ryan Seacrest about the sordid affair...

I told her to tell anyone she wanted aslong as they werent famous so its fair enough really...

....Im starting to be a right gossip-monger arent i!

but do i care?!

Do i buggery!

lol...remember the bloopers...orli + ry-ry = love!

LOL....Ryan Seacreast....lmao!!!

Johnny

Day 60

dear ichy

Shes not talking to me AGAIN...

She seems to think i ate the sheep...

Well i did and it was bloody gorgeous too!

She stomped around the yacht and threatened to throw herself overboard as a sacrifice for me eating her 'poochie' ...

...i asked her if she wanted me to help her out and give hera push....she could have called it moral support...

Instead she decided to go round telling everyone i was a murderer...

How come?
SHE eats meat and she doesnt call herself a murderer....

the injustice of it all!

I had to bang the bedroom door down to get my socks this morning

- (seems as though its the only thing of mine on that yacht i officially own...im currently wearing jack D's shirt and pants...and i look absolutely duluded....) -

and when the door finally opened she glared at me and jumped on my back from the top of the bed!
Well imagine what it must have looked like from outside while im standing there waving my arms around like a lunatic with a crazy woman clinging to my back!

Shes a small thing but trying to get her off was the hardest thing in the world!

...The worst was yet to come though considering orlando saw us through the window on his way to the set...

hes never going to get this fixation out of his head at this rate!

ROTFLMFAOTW!!!!! Toooo FuNNy!!!