mmm yes, Barbossa dug up another piece of scandalousness in the midst of an epic battle for her, no doubt. 😉
i can just imagine the awkwardness...
Elizabeth: Hey Jack, what's up? How's the fountain of youth?
Jack: Excellent. My harem is enjoying it. What about you? You're looking smashing in that masculine vest.
Elizabeth: Thanks. Will is coming home tomorrow.
Jack: Ou lala. Pulling out all the stops, I see. (pulls out a walkie talkie) Barbossa, we've got a problem. Lizzie needs lingerie again.
Barbossa: (over walkie talkie) Shes hopeless. I left you a whole trunkfull in the cabin. Scarlet says hello, by the way.
Jack: (back to Lizzie) Now, if you'll just come with me to my cabin, we'll get you sorted in no time. Not that I'm overly fond of the whelp, but he's waited ten years for this moment. Throw the guy a bone.
In the cabin...
Elizabeth comes out in skanky outfit number 4...
Jack: That's the one! Glitter, corset, stockings... this one has it all.
Elizabeth: Perfect! It even hides my stretch marks. Jack, I actually had something to ask you.
Jack: Fire away.
Elizabeth: Would you mind babysitting tomorrow night? I thought after introducing Jack Junior- er, I mean, Will Junior, to his rightful dad, Will and I could get some alone time. You know, rent a movie, relax.
Jack: Absolutely. I love that little tyke like he was my own son.
Elizabeth: THanks. I was planning to rent "March of the Penguins." Sounds pretty sexy, no?
Jack: As sexy as a knee-kissing orgasm, my dear.
"Barbossa: (over walkie talkie) Shes hopeless. I left you a whole trunkfull in the cabin. Scarlet says hello, by the way."-----Kate
LOL! Awesome. And March of the Penguins. You know, there is a sex scene in that. I can see Jack babysitting and watching that with Junior.
(haven't seen the movie)
Morgan Freeman's voice: These two penguins have found love despite the cold. After their mating time, the male will go to keep the egg warm while the mother will watch rereuns of Sex and the City.
Junior: Uncle Jack?
Jack: What?
Junior: What are those penguins doing?
Jack: (looks closer at the screen. His eyes go wide) Just the every fun, thing that penguins do...where the hell is the remote. It's a habit that most of them do...aha! (fast forwards) Look what I found, Junior. Penguin chickies!
Junior: They're so cute!
Jack: Whew. Will and Lizzie, you can't say I was the one who corrupted your kid.
CUT TO...Will and Liz post-sex
(They are in bed cuddling. Suddenly, Will jerks)
Elizabeth: What's wrong?
Will: I got a sudden vision of little Will watching porn.
Elizabeth: I've taken care of that. He's with Jack watching March of the Penguins.
Will: Elizabeth, my love, penguins do mate.
Elizabeth: The movie won like Best Documentary. It has to be appropriate for children.
CUT back to Jack and Junior
(Jack is putting him to bed)
Jack: There we go. Here is your stuffed, uh, Gibbs...creepy, and here we go, a stuffed seal. That's a little more normal.
Junior: Uncle Jack?
Jack: What?
Junior: I can't sleep.
Jack: What's wrong, kid?
Junior: If the penguins were doing that to have a chick, is that what Mummy and Daddy do?
Jack: Uh...(picks up Junior's toys) "Look at me! I'm Gibbs. I know all about krakens and sea turtles." (sees it's not working) Look, Will, that's really something for you to ask them, and as funny as I think that will be, I shouldn't be around for that.
Junior: Oh. Well, is it possible for the penguins to do that without a chick?
Jack: If it's not, I'm in a lot of trouble.
Junior: (laughs) I love you, Uncle Jack.
Jack: Love you too. (closes the door and goes back to the living room. Gets out walkie-talkie) You there?
Barbossa: How'd it go?
Jack: I think I corrupted their kid!
hehehehehehehehe i love it!!! 🙂
Will and Elizabeth are walking through the door. Jack is sitting casually on the couch.
Jack: Hey guys, back so soon? Nice beard, Will. You totally pull it off.
Will: (blushing) Thanks Jack.
Elizabeth: So how is (takes a moment to make sure she's got it right) Will Junior?
Jack: Sleeping like a little lamb.
Elizabeth: I knew we could count on you, Jack. (casually plays with one of his dreds)
Jack: (hiding a giggle) Don't mention it.
Suddenly, Will Junior comes running in.
Will J: Hi mommy! Hi Mr. Ferryman!
Will: (to Elizabeth) When is he going to start calling me dad?
Will J: Did you guys do what the penguins did before you had me?
Elizabeth: What do you mean? (to Jack) What is he talking about?
Suddenly, Barbossa rushes through the door.
Barbossa: It's my fault! Jack had nothing to do with it, I swear. I corrupted your kid. I told him all about the birds and the bees, and I showed him the knee-scene, too. Sorry. It won't happen again.
(Jack winks at Barbossa as if to say, thanks)
Will: Barbossa! How could you?
Barbossa: (shrugs) Pirate.
LMAO! That's awesome, Kate! I can just see Barbossa running in out of breath to take the blame. And Junior is so cute and innocent.
(Will and Elizabeth decide after a week at Disneyworld with Junior to go on a honeymoon just the two of them, possibly to make Elizabeth Junior. Of course, Junior is left with Jack and Barbossa just when they were ready to embark on a voyage.)
Barbossa: Jack! You can't take Junior with us! There may be murder and mayhem!
Junior: Cool! (clutches Jack's hand) Can we go somewhere that has monkeys?
Jack: (does that swing-thing adults do with kids when they hold hands) Whatever you want. There's treasure everywhere.
Barbossa: Jack! We had settled on finding the heads of Easter Island. I don't think there's any monkeys there.
Junior: Please, Uncle Hector? (gives him Puss in Boots eyes)
Barbossa: (tossles kid's hair) Oh, all right. We'll let you see all the monkeys you want.
Junior: Thank you! (runs off singing) Yo ho yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
Jack: You big lug. One cute-kid look and you melt.
Barbossa: I do not. The kid had no father for 10 years. He's entitled to be a little spoiled now and then.
Jack: They took him to Disneyworld!
(Junior comes back with a cardboard sword)
Junior: Avast, Uncle Jack!
Jack: (takes out his own sword) I told you, kid. No cool pirate says, "avast."
Junior: Oh yeah. (laughs) Hey, you! I'm taking this ship...
Jack: Comandeering.
Junior: ...comandeering this ship and taking it to wherever I please!
(they pretend to fight)
Barbossa: Time to cast off soon. (heads towards helm)
Junior: Can I come with you?
Barbossa: (melts again) Of course you can! Here, I have this lollipop for you.
Junior: Thanks.
Jack: Lug.
Barbossa: Nerd.
Jack: Sensitive!
Barbossa: Shrimp!
Okay, who's the 'pants what come with knee orgasm hysterical? Now that's some seriously deranged word pairing and it's also one of the top 5 really funny hysterical things anyone has come up with.
Full moon + Mr. Depp (these forums) = lusty thoughts, always driven by humor--y'all blow me away--the company of funny, fine, stalwart, true, brave, perserving and creative folks--now more of the din't,butshoulda happens please--nightnight,sweet dreams
Will and ELizabeth are hosting a party on the Pearl as a "Welcome Home Will!" Gala; all their old pirate buddies are there, and Will Junior is enjoying himself as well.
Jack: So then I says to her, Lizzie, that corset doesn't make you look any less pregnant!
Everyone roars with laughter, except Will, who laughs half-heartedly.
Barbossa: But ye didn't tell about the time she paused an epic battle to nurse her newborn yet!
Elizabeth: A clever battle tactic, i think. You all needed a breather.
Pintel: (aside, to Ragetti) And a look at her chest...
Gibbs: Ah, that's a mighty fine tale... There we were, in the midst of an epic battle...
Jack: Wasn't that the day we found the treasure of antigua?
Elizabeth: I had completely forgotten that! (toasts Jack, who toasts her back with relish) And Will junior slayed his first undead pirate...
Will Junior: (grins proudly) Uncle Jack taught me how...
Jack: Ah, those were the days...
Will: (muttering) Glad to see I was missed...
Elizabeth: Will, tell us some of your adventures on the high seas of the locker.
Will tries to make up an exciting story, while the band strikes up a lively tune. Finally, Will pulls Elizabeth aside, and a whispered fight ensues. Barbossa and Jack look on, while chugging rum.
Jack: Gee... I feel kind of bad.
Barbossa: Well, that's life. You get your heart cut out, go ferrying undead souls while your wife traverses the high seas with better-looking men like me... (takes a gulp)
Jack: We have to do something!
CUT TO...
Will and ELizabeth sitting in what looks like a psychiatrists' office. Barbossa sits with spectacles perched on his nose, taking meticulous notes.
Barbossa: And how did that make you feel?
Will: It made me feel wrathful. Almost like slamming her up against a mast with a kiss and leaving her there.
Elizabeth: I KNEW you were going to bring that up!
Barbossa: Now, now. Let's remember the words we learned!
Elizabeth: (taking a deep breath) Will, I'm sorry. It hurts my feelings when you bring up the past. I will try to include you in the conversation at parties held in your honor from now on.
Will: (also calming down) I forgive you Elizabeth. And I'm sorry about the outburst.
Barbossa: Good, good. That's the ticket. And remember, if you ever need to release latent aggression, a good hour or two of intense swordplay can be just the thing. Really go at each other, you know?
lol, why is marriage counseling so funny when you're watching another couple go through it?
It is a month later and Will and Elizabeth feel they're making progress. They decide, God bless 'em, to have a dinner party.
Jack: So, William, introduce us to the other side of the table.
Will: Oh, these are just some of MY friends I met on the high seas. They were alive and just volunteered their time. This is Joe Wren.
Joe: (Jack's dopplganger) I'm Captain Joe Wren, you got that?
Will: Mr. Stubbs.
Stubbs: (Gibbs' doppleganger) I'm Irish and I drink. Who wants to hear a song?
Gibbs: I like him!
Will: And this is Petunia.
Petunia: (somehow a female version of Barbossa) Hi.
Jack: Ha! (nudges Barbossa) You're the girl!
(Elizabeth comes out with stuffed quail)
Elizabeth: I hope you all put on your hungry hats! Junior, stop that.
(Junior is poking Petunia)
Will: Friends off of the Dutchman, this is Jack Sparrow, Gibbs, and Barbossa.
Petunia: Charmed. (winks at Barbossa. He flushes)
Elizabeth: So, Will, tell Junior about what all you and your friends did.
Will: Well, son, after we found a guy with no eyes...
Elizabeth: Um, how about a different story?
Will: Uh, well, there was this time we found a guy mangled by a shark.
Elizabeth: (raises her glass frantically) To everyone at the table. Here, here.
(they all drink)
Junior: It's okay, Daddy. Mummy said you once skidded down a sail with your knife, winning Best Stunt of the Year.
Will: Oh yeah! I did! That WAS cool.
Jack: There was also the matter of whacking old friends with oars...
Will: (in a dramatic story with Junior) So there I was, in my first of two kraken attacks. Faced with impending doom...
Joe: Hey, you got a dad named Teague?
Jack: Uh, yeah. Do youuuuu?
Dun dun dun