Parents Say the Darndest Things

Do you have any funny stories involving you and your parents? Do your parents have a catchphrase, or something to that extent? Or do you share an funny inside joke with them?

Today I ate dinner with my mother, and for some reason I was really squirrely and hyper. I grabbed a knife, and bit the blade side towards my lips like a pirate, and asked my mom, "What would happen if I cut myself here?" (pertaining to the corners of my lips). And my mom simply replies while grabbing the knife away from me, "You won't be very happy."

I just thought that was ridiculously hilarious. Anyone wanna share some fun moments?

My dad calls my mom "Horny". He thinks it's a cute way to say "Honey". One time, when I was young at a babysitters. We were all going around saying what our parents called eachother. And what popped out of my mouth? "My dad calls my mom Horny". My mom was right behind me when I said that.

Good times.

My parents both call each other Bruce. It's weird. It's from this old Monty Python sketch that they both really liked.

So my mom and I were at a mexican restaurant the other day, and we were just sitting down waiting to order, when she starts to speak to the waiter in spanish (I'm not completely fluent). She's asking him questions about what she should get, and then she looks at me, and says in english, "I like crunchy things".

Yeah....... that's my mom.........

My grandma is probably the biggest nut ever. In fact, sometimes she can be down right mean and nasty. Mostly to my cousin. I find it to be HILARIOUS.

We thought she got worse over the years, but I think she's been mean to everyone our whole lives, we just never noticed.

Originally posted by Ax3l
My grandma is probably the biggest nut ever. In fact, sometimes she can be down right mean and nasty. Mostly to my cousin. I find it to be HILARIOUS.

We thought she got worse over the years, but I think she's been mean to everyone our whole lives, we just never noticed.

Exaaaaaample?

My mom once asked for me to make her a MySpace profile. >.>

I just looked at her with a look of disgust. <.<

My mom once asked me if I could "score her a marijuana cigarette".

I lol'd.

Originally posted by Impediment
My mom once asked me if I could "score her a marijuana cigarette".

I lol'd.

Yeah, I lol'd too.

Well, the cousin is kinda...Hold on a second, phone is ringing.

Well, I just had the most pointless convo with that same grandma. She was all "I think Julie and Eric (aunt and cousin) are going to go to breakfast tomorrow. I'm trying to get a hold of your mother, but I can't"

All the while, me going "Uh huh....Oh...Okay..."

Pointless beyond belief.

Anywho, back to my story. Yeah, the cousin was fat, lost a bunch of weight. She was doing some laundry and had to leave, so she asked my grandma to do the folding. She comes back and is like "Grandma, where are my clothes?"

My grandma was all "I didn't think those were you clothes. They were waaaayyy too small to fit you. They looked like dolls clothes"

You kinda have to be a part of the family to understand, but it was pwning nonetheless.

Not my mom, but my brother's friend Sam's mom...

Mom: Sam! Are you going to smoke the weeds?
Sam: No Mom, I'm gonna go smoke weed!
Mom: Okay, don't drive.

He actually didn't end up smoking weed, though.

My grandma (we call her Nana) is from Kentucky and she's 83, so she's like a little racist in a cute way.

A couple days ago when she picked me up from work, we were listening to "Old Man River" form Showboat and she turns to my grandpa and asks: "Who was the Negro that sang this?"

I couldn't help but smile.

I probably have lots of stories about my mom, but I can't think of any at the moment.

The first time I had ever heard the term "emo", was when I was probably 13 or 14. And how did I first hear of that term? My Dad called me it.

My mom and I were looking at pictures of an actor's thighs. Then she suddenly yelled, "I can't do this any more!" And walked out of the room all flustered.

Originally posted by AbnormalButSane
My mom and I were looking at pictures of an actor's thighs. Then she suddenly yelled, "I can't do this any more!" And walked out of the room all flustered.

Pfffffffhahahahahahhaha

This thread is great! 😆

I have so many stories on my dad..

Like tonight he was eating his dinner, some fish or something on toast.. and the toast kept falling apart.. and he ended up spilling a load down his shirt and he was wiping it down with a cloth when I looked up at him and he clutched his hand to his chest, screwing the tissue up inside and said "god bless america" trying to disguise what he was doing 😆

Just typing this out and remembering it has me in tears laughcry

It's not so much of what she said as what she did. My mom used to take a Xanax before she and my dad would come to pick me up at school. (She can't be in a car with my father for three hours. srug)
And since I never smile or talk, my friend thought it was funny how happy and smiley my mother was. haermm

My dad told me about the time when he was in the Merchant Marines and he banged a Brazilian whore with no teeth.

crylaugh

My parents aren't funny. 🙁

Originally posted by Phucked Up
My parents aren't funny. 🙁

I think I laughed the hardest at this