Parents Say the Darndest Things

Started by chillmeistergen5 pages

I have a lot of funny conversations with my parents, but can never remember them to quote. I've told Selphie about a fair few though, so she knows.

There's tons upon tons of hilarious stuff...for now, I'm going to settle for a funny situation.

One time, we were at the dinner table, eating...get this....dinner.

My dad, being the uncouth Italian that he is, lifted up a leg and let one rip. About a second or two later, two flies stared buzzing around him.

For some reason, I started to LMAO. At that moment, it was just hilarious to think about my dad farting and the flies starting to buzz around him(which we all know was just coincidental.)

He started to get angry when I couldn't gain my composure and he kept asking me what was so funny while swatting the flies out of his face and off his food. That was making me laugh harder. He started to yell at me for being disrespectful and disrupting dinner. I was finally able to stop laughing. While stifling hysterical laughter, I told him that as soon as he farted, flies started buzzing around him. He couldn't help but laugh as the rest of the family started laughing just as hard as I was previously.

As a child, you find that kind of stuff funny...

Originally posted by dadudemon
There's tons upon tons of hilarious stuff...for now, I'm going to settle for a funny situation.

One time, we were at the dinner table, eating...get this....dinner.

My dad, being the uncouth Italian that he is, lifted up a leg and let one rip. About a second or two later, two flies stared buzzing around him.

For some reason, I started to LMAO. At that moment, it was just hilarious to think about my dad farting and the flies starting to buzz around him(which we all know was just coincidental.)

He started to get angry when I couldn't gain my composure and he kept asking me what was so funny while swatting the flies out of his face and off his food. That was making me laugh harder. He started to yell at me for being disrespectful and disrupting dinner. I was finally able to stop laughing. While stifling hysterical laughter, I told him that as soon as he farted, flies started buzzing around him. He couldn't help but laugh as the rest of the family started laughing just as hard as I was previously.

As a child, you find that kind of stuff funny...

Oh my God...

Originally posted by Bardock42
Oh my God...

ZOMG!

farts and flies? 😂

I've had funny experiences with other people's parents mostly than my own. My friend's dad is military man, and he made a friend of mine and I eat a whole pizza because we were complaining about it.

Ha....ha...heh...

"The whole thing" punishment, like when one is caught smoking as a kid and they are locked in a closet with a pack of cigs and a book of matches, and cant come out again until the cigs are finshed. haermm

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
"The whole thing" punishment, like when one is caught smoking as a kid and they are locked in a closet with a pack of cigs and a book of matches, and cant come out again until the cigs are finshed. haermm

Is not that particular example illegal, though? haermm

My grandma once said "I'm not racist but I think all those chinks should go back to where they came from"
My mum is always saying retarded stuff, examples will come back to me.

About 7 years ago or so, my dad would constantly taunt me with saying, "Ooooh Liz, do the snake dance!" and I'd get all pissed off and say, "No!!!". When I was a little kid, whenever Guns N' Roses would be playing, I'd do the little Axel Rose snake dance, and my dad never lets me live it down. So nowadays, he always does the snake dance while telling me to do it. It's kinda creepy.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
screw the queen.

😠

(I'm not patriotic, I just don't like seeing someone even less affiliated with this country being rude about its monarchy).

Originally posted by Bardock42
Oh my God...

I know, I lol'd. Not because it was funny, though... 😂

My parents and I were sitting around a few months back, and they hand me a beer, right? Well, I'm not even really legal to drink, so it threw me off that they would do this, considering their conservative views on some things. So naturally, I take it and down the damned thing in about three minutes, and as I'm not exactly a huge person, the alcohol went through my system rather quickly, spawning what I am told was a very entertaining rendition of Captain Jack Sparrow imitations. So now, whenever we're sitting around watching any of the "Pirates" movies, they get this weird look in their eye, look over at me, and burst out laughing uncontrollably.

Okay, so it's not that funny, really, but still. Noteworthy.

Originally posted by Jericho Zerø
My parents and I were sitting around a few months back, and they hand me a beer, right? Well, I'm not even really legal to drink, so it threw me off that they would do this, considering their conservative views on some things. So naturally, I take it and down the damned thing in about three minutes, and as I'm not exactly a huge person, the alcohol went through my system rather quickly, spawning what I am told was a very entertaining rendition of Captain Jack Sparrow imitations. So now, whenever we're sitting around watching any of the "Pirates" movies, they get this weird look in their eye, look over at me, and burst out laughing uncontrollably.

Okay, so it's not that funny, really, but still. Noteworthy.

Hahahah, no, I know what you mean, it is funny. My friend Sarah's ex boyfriend used to do that with rum. One night he got drunk, and when he went back inside her house while we were outside, Sarah looks at me and goes, "My boyfriend turns into Jack Sparrow when he gets drunk."

Not hilarious when typing, but it was ****ing funny at the moment.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one alcohol turns into a f*cktard. haermm Seriously, though, I have got to lay off. I started drinking again last evening for the first time in six months, (for reasons you and I are well aware of, Selph) and managed to apparently call my two best friends and keep them up all night with what they describe as hilarious antics. All I got from it was a hangover, and worst of all, I don't even remember calling them. 😐

I get pretty wild when I'm drunk 😆

Apparently I turn into a total dunce who thinks there's a crocodile on my floor, and that the room is upside down. (To quote what they told me I said: "There's a crocodile on the floor of my room, which is currently on the ceiling, and I swear it's trying to figure out how to kill me."😉

Do you black out every time? I've never blacked out...yet, anyway.

Only those two times. Usually, I catch myself before I go that far, but last night... Let's just say the circumstances were excruciatingly brutal, and I wanted to forget everything.

Originally posted by Jericho Zerø
(To quote what they told me I said: "There's a crocodile on the floor of my room, which is currently on the ceiling, and I swear it's trying to figure out how to kill me."😉

Hahaha, that's hilarious!

When I drink, I just get really, reaaaally mellow. Instead of doing the crazy shit I usually do, I just observe, and look very, very happy.

That's what I'm like when I get high - I'm an incredible hyper, social, friendly drunk 😛