So i heard this joke..,.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

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Jack knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in his fashion sense. Jack finally walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
Jack falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing it?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

👆

Frank feared his wife Gloria wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give him a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here's what you do,” said the doctor. “Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, Gloria was in the kitchen cooking dinner and Frank was in the den. He said to himself, “I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.” Then in a normal tone he asked, “Honey, what's for dinner?”
No response.
So Frank moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Gloria, what's for dinner?”
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “'Honey, what's for dinner?
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what's for dinner?”
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her and says, “Gloria, what's for dinner?”
“For heaven’s sake, Frank! For the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”

Jim reluctantly agreed to attend his wife's high school 25-year reunion. After meeting several of her friends and former schoolmates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and extremely bored and not wanting to be there. The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large -- break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people -- the entire works. His wife turns to Jim and and says, "See that guy? Well, 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Jim replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

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Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a rose on the side table and a loving note from his wife.
"Dear Jack, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there’s breakfast. "Johnny," he says to his son, "what happened last night?"
"You came home totally soused and got that black eye by tripping over a chair."
"So, why the rose, the breakfast, and the sweet note from your mother?"
"Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone! I’m married!'"

^^^Bwahahahaaaa!!!!

I also agree that these jokes were most delightful.

...

Originally posted by Bardock42
I also agree that these jokes were most delightful.

Adultery & old men giving money to kids....hmmmmm

middle aged men... jeez

lol lets not pick shit with bardock, i dont really want to do this for another 2 months

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
Adultery & old men giving money to kids....hmmmmm

Faithfulness and old men giving money to kids for nothing in return...the two biggest issue society faces....thank you for showing me the error of my ways.

Originally posted by Genesis-Soldier
middle aged men... jeez

lol lets not pick shit with bardock, i dont really want to do this for another 2 months

👆

A plane was taking off from JFK Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 23, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and re--- OH, MY Goodness!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled it all over me. You should see my shirt!" A passenger in the back yelled out, "You should see my pants!"

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day. The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?" "Head up," said the doctor. "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free. Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" said the executioner. "Head up." "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free. Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" "Head up." "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out: "WAIT! I see what the problem is!".

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting Flies,” he responded.
“Oh! Did you kill any?” she asked..
“Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the telephone.”

Why do sharks make terrible lawyers?

Their too nice.

😂

Little boy blue.

He needed the money.

Hey diddle diddle.
The cat & the fiddle.
The cow blew up on the launching pad.

Boo

A guy is walking to the bar to get a drink with his buddies when he notices a girl by train tracks tied up. He runs to her, unties her and they have sex. When he gets to the bar his friends ask why he's late and he brags about all the sex he got when finally they asked him "did you get any head?" He shook his head and said "nah, I couldn't find it."