Lady and her best friend go on holiday to the Caribbean and meet a muscular black guy. After a week of fantastic threesome sex they ask his name. He says my name is 'Snow' The ladies start laughing, he asks why they are laughing? They reply "our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of snow in the Caribbean".
An American young man has joined the Army, and is being sent to the strangest places. He's allowed to write to his family, but they may not know where he is.
One time he writes: "Dear Mom and Dad. How are you? I'm fine. I don't know where I am, but it's nice and warm here and I've danced with a beautiful woman."
"Ah," his father says. "He must be in South-America."
The second letter: "Dear Mom and Dad, I've been transferred. I don't know where I am, but I've shot a polar bear." "He's probably on the North Pole," his mother says.
The third letter: "Dear Mom and Dad. I'm in a hospital. I think it would have been better if I'd shot the woman and danced with the bear."
Pete and Theo are good friends, who haven't seen each other in years. When they meet again, they go to the pub and tell each other about their accomplishments. When they're loaded, Pete takes Theo to show him his house.
-Ishn't that a beautiful house? Mortgash paid and all
-All that'sh really yoursh?
-Shhhhure matey...
The two walk in.
Pete: You shee.... My beautiful library, my desk, my PC... my home cinema... You see that bed? That's my bed. Shh! That woman in there is my wife. Shh! You see that man next to her? That'sh me!
A mother is sitting in a garden with her three daughters.
"Mom," the first daughter asks. "Why did you name me Rose?"
"Well because soon after you were born a rose petal fell from that bush and landed on your forehead."
"Mom," asked the second daughter. "Why did you name me Tulip?"
"Because shortly after you were born a tulip petal fell from over there and landed on your forehead."
The third daughter moaned: "Mnanmammmammnaamammangh!"
"Shut up Fridge," said the mother.
A bus filled with the Governor and his aides crashes into a tree.
A farmer sees this happening and buries them all in his backyard.
A few days later, the sheriff comes to investigate.
"And you are sure they were all dead?"
"Well yeah, some of them said they were still alive, but you know how politicians are always lying..."
A woman sitting on a park bench decided that, since no one else was around, she could stretch out her legs a while. Soon, a beggar walked up to her and said, "Hi ya, honey. How about a little kiss?" The offended woman snarled, "How dare you? I don't even know you!" The beggar replied, "I don't know you either, but yet here you are -- sitting on my bed!"