So i heard this joke..,.

My kid liked this one. He's gonna use it at school today. 👆

So when he gets expelled I will be in the bar.

Nah, his teacher liked both jokes, the egg one too, he told me. 🙂

When I told jokes in school my teaches just hit me.

Mine were mostly okay with my clowning.
Sometimes my friends and i would get out of hand though, especially if we showed up stoned.

A waiter walk up to a table full of Jewish women at a restaurant, and asks:
"Ladies, is anything all right?"

A mushroom walks into a bar.

The bartender yells at him to leave, saying, "We don't serve your kind here!"

The mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."

Hahaha!!!
Sharing that one with my kid, thanks!

What do you call a dinosaur with 1 eye? - A Do-you-think-he-saurus

😆

Frank forgot his Anniversary. His wife, quite angry about tis, told him that if she woke up the next day and didn't find something in the driveway that could go from 0 to 200 in 60 seconds that he would be in DEEP TROUBLE. The next day Frank's wife woke up to see a large box with a bow on it in the driveway. She ran out and opened it up. Inside was a new Bathroom Weight Scale.

...Frank has been missing for 3 days now.

Oh thats harsh!!! 🙂

Whats really funny is that I saw that Joke on the wall while getting a check up done at my Doc's office.

Halloween's coming up so.......

Why doesn't a witch wear underwear?

So she can get a better grip on the broom.

This just gave me an idea....BLAME NIXON!!!!!

Originally posted by Nuke Nixon
How do you know when you've walked into a lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls
---
Why are camels called 'ships of the desert?
Because they're always full of Arab semen
---
What's the difference between a black person and a monkey?
A monkey traveled into space first.
---
If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000
rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes,
You may be a Muslim.

If you think vests come in two styles:
Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim

If you have nothing against women
and think every man should own at least four,
You may be a Muslim.

These remind me of one.

Why are there tree's in Harlem? Public transportation.

How do you get a newborn into a salad bowl? With a blender.

How do you get a newborn out of the salad bowl? With nachos!

back in the olden times in the Early Americas. A group of pilgrims were making their way across the great state of Oregon. Along the way a father who was driving a carriage with his family came upon an Indian on his path. The Indian was lying down with his head on the ground. The man exited his carriage and approached the Indian and asked if everything was ok.

The indian responded
"four horses and a carriage". and then pointed in a non direct direction. The pilgrim, shocked, said...,"wow you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"
The Indian replied...,"no, four horses and a carriage ran me over and went that way."

Why are there tree's in Harlem? Public transportation.

The difference between having guts and balls;

Guts- Is arriving home late, after a night out with the boys only to be met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere"?

Balls- Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume, beer and with lipstick on your collar, then having the balls to slap your wife's butt and say, "you're next fatty".