An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock, and I was just wondering if you were my son."
A couple take in an extremely attractive 18-year-old girl as a lodger. The girl asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom and that she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to throw darts," she said. So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."
The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed off her hairy muff.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it all before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"
Originally posted by Nuke Nixon
A couple take in an extremely attractive 18-year-old girl as a lodger. The girl asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom and that she could use a tin bath in front of the fire."Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to throw darts," she said. So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."
The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed off her hairy muff.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it all before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"
B*tches, amirite?
So a guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife."
Originally posted by It's xyz!Or the variant thereof:
2 cannibals are eating a clown...One says to the other, "does this taste funny to you?"
So two cannibals are eating Dane Cook/Amy Schumer/Carrot Top/Kevin Hart, and one turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
To which the other replies, "No."