So i heard this joke..,.

Lol.

Originally posted by Scribble
Or the variant thereof:

So two cannibals are eating Dane Cook/Amy Schumer/Carrot Top/Kevin Hart, and one turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

To which the other replies, "No."

Originally posted by Surtur
Amy Schumer looks like her vagina smells.

She has a face like a pickle jar.

Originally posted by Scribble
Or the variant thereof:

So two cannibals are eating Dane Cook/Amy Schumer/Carrot Top/Kevin Hart, and one turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

To which the other replies, "No."

Once there were 2 neighbors. One was a christian the other an atheist.

Every morning the christian would go out on the porch and praise God for the day, and everyday the atheist would here this thru the windows every morning.
One morning the christian went out on the porch and proclaimed to God that there was no food in the house and no money to buy any, and asked God for help.
The Atheist heard this and thought this could be used to teach the christian a lesson.
The next morning the christian went out on the porch and found several bags of groceries. The christian praised God for the bounty. Suddenly the atheist jumped out from the bushes and proclaimed "AHA!" The atheist pointed out that it wasn't God that provided the food but the atheist who supplied it thus proving that God doesn't exist.
The christian just stepped forward and once again gave thanks to God for the food....and for getting the Heathen next door to pay for it.

Clever! 😆

A man goes to see his doctor.
Man: "doc, i think i'm shrinking!"
Doctor: "its ok, you just have to be a little patient."

There once was a lady named Alice,
Who used C-4 for a phallus.
They found her vagina in South Carolina
And parts of her anus near Dallas.

There once was a woman named Madge
Who had a tattoo on her vag...

A small muslim bookstore just opened up near my house.

So, being curious, I went in and took a look around.

After a while the owner came over and asked if he could help me find something, and I said "yes I'm looking for Donald Trump's new book on Islamic terrorism and immigration".
He angrily shouted "F-CK YOU, GET OUTTA HERE AND STAY OUT!"

I said "yeah that's the one...do you have it in paper back?"

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her.

Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Hahah I love reading through this thread

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Guy gets pulled over after speeding through an intersection...
Officer- "Wow, your eyes are extremely red. Have you been drinking?"
Driver- "Wow, your eyes are extremely glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?