So i heard this joke..,.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"

"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"

"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"

"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"

"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"

^^^ 🤨

What?

A mountain man travels to town to trade some meat and skins and get his supplies for the month. Before heading back, he goes to the bar, slaps some money on the counter and says "Barkeep, get me a whiskey!". As he pours the drink, he asks "You got any women in this place?", and the bartender responds "No, but we got Old Joe.". The mountain man says "That don't do me any good. I ain't into that sh-t.". He finishes his whiskey and leaves.

Next month, he returns to trade again, and hits up the bar before leaving. He puts the money on the counter, demands his whiskey, and again asks "You got any women here, yet?". The bartender calmly replies "Nope. Still got Old Joe, though.". The disappointed mountain man says "That don't do me any good. I ain't into that sh-t.".

One month later, the mountain man returns for his usual transactions. After buying the whiskey, he asks "You got any women here this time?", and the bartender tells him "No, but we still got Old Joe.". The mountain man drinks his whiskey, looks around, leans in and quietly asks "Just between you and me, if I go along with this, who all will know?". The bartender says "Well, you and me, of course, and Old Joe. Plus them other two fellows.". The mountain man asks "What other two fellows?", and the bartender tells him "The two that hold him down. Old Joe ain't into that sh-t, either."

Why do Chicken Coops only have 2 doors?

Cause if they had 4 they would be a Chicken Sedan.

A man is out in the street and says "I'm god! Look at me, I'm god!" I thought if I let him keep talking like that, he'd get himself into trouble. So I go up to him and say "come on, you're not God, you're just having a bad day. Come in to a pub and I'll buy you a drink" I take him in the pub and sit him down and go to the bar, the landlord comes over to the table and says "oh god, not you again."

😄

Originally posted by Flyattractor
[b]Why do Chicken Coops only have 2 doors?

Cause if they had 4 they would be a Chicken Sedan. [/B]

Riv does enjoy a good YOLK!

What do chickens do for fun?
Kara-yolk-e.

A coworker show up this morning and tells me he really needs to quit drinking. I ask what happened. He says he drank so much Saturday night when he got home he blew chunks. I told him we all have done that once or twice , no big deal. He says you don't understand, Chunks is my overweight uncle.

A variation on the old Bob & Dave joke...

Bob sees his co-worker, Dave, one morning at work looking very hung-over and distraught sitting at his desk. He asks, "Dave whats wrong?"

Dave replies very dramatically "It was terrible Bob! Last night I got so drunk I blew chunks!"

Bob: "That's not so bad, Dave. Lots of people have nights where they go a bit overboard and get sick."

Dave: "No man, you don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

We only do that stuff at the Target round these parts.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

Mars: future home to human colonies

Venus: 900 degrees. Rains sulfuric acid.

Venus is just like that cause all the women there have synchronized periods.

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f-ck your brains out, and suck your t!ts dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."